Crazy Little Thing Called Love
by GraveDancer
Summary: New fic from GraveDancer and youronlybelle. AU college fic. Meredith is a freshman that loves partying. Derek is a senior that has his nose glued to the books. Oh the fun they will have.
1. Chapter 1

**So here it is...mine and Katie's new fic. This fic is actually old and just being posted here now, so as long as I don't get lazy updates will come pretty regularily once a day. At least they should. **

**Premise of the fic...it's entirely AU and takes place in college, Dartmouth to be exact. Meredith is a freshman and enjoying the college life. Derek is a senior who's serious about school and getting into a good med school. Meredith is nearly failing, and a teacher suggests a tutor and well, I guess we see where it goes from there.**

**Enjoy!**

**Btw...we sadly still don't own the show.**

Derek Shepherd was boring. Well not boring, driven, at least that's how he described himself. He was driven. He had to be driven. He had dreams, big dreams. And that stuff that would make him not boring, he didn't have time for that. "Mark, I said I couldn't go tonight," he groaned.

"Man, you never go out," Mark Sloan groaned as he walked past him, pulling on a t-shirt. "It's our last year, Shep. And you've never had a one night stand. It's pathetic. You're pathetic."

"Not sleeping with some girl who's name I don't even know makes me pathetic?" Derek asked him, disbelief in his voice.

"It's a rite of passage," Mark winked. "And so far, you're not a man yet. This party, Derek, the girls that will be there. You will thank me later."

"Mark, I need to study. A little more important than something like a rite of passage," Derek groaned, wondering exactly why he was friends with Mark in the first place. It had something to do with growing up together, but sometimes he wondered if that was enough.

"You've been studying all day!" Mark reached over and closed a book. "Man, you're going to go out in the real world and no one will want to do you. Ever."

"The real world isn't about doing people," Derek rolled his eyes. "This test is important."

"It's not until Wednesday, Shep," Mark eyed him. "You're coming to this party. You're getting trashed. And you're going to fuck a girl's brains out. Got it?"

"No I'm not," Derek shook his head.

"Why the hell not?" Mark asked as he went to the fridge and got out a beer. "Give me three really good reasons."

"One...I don't want to get drunk. Two...I don't want to fuck some girl's brains out. Three...I don't want to go," Derek sighed.

"Loser," Mark growled as he handed Derek a beer. "You are a loser. How the hell am I supposed to watch out for you like Mom said if you just sit around and do nothing but study all day?"

"You don't have to watch out for me if I sit around and do nothing but study all day," Derek pointed out.

"You need to get laid, man! Who was the last chick you screwed?"

"Emily, before we broke up last year," Derek shrugged.

Mark stared at him, disgust and horror on his face. "A year. A year, man? Oh God. This is worse than I thought. Get up. Get dressed. You need a freshman girl to corrupt."

"Mark, you know not everyone in this world is trying to get in each other's pants," Derek laughed.

"Freshman. Girls. Freshman girls, Derek. Young, first time away from Mommy and Daddy. Rich. Dirty little drunken sluts."

"Grow up Mark," Derek sighed. "I'd rather use my own hand than fuck some dirty little drunken slut."

"The hand is getting tired though, Shep," Mark said wisely. "And how can you say no to freshman girls? We're the cream of the crop. Seniors. Future doctors. We'll throw medical words in their directions and talk about saving the fucking world and they'll fall down on their knees and blow us right there. How can you say no to that?"

"Easy...no," Derek said as he opened his book again.

"You're a sad pathetic excuse for a man," Mark sighed. "Fine. You stay home with your books. I'm going to go try to get into Meredith's pants. She's close, man. She is so close to saying yes. After last night..."

"So you do know one of their names," Derek laughed sofly.

"Not by choice, man," Mark shook his head. "I'm going. If you had half a brain, you'd come too. Freshman girls."

"I'll pass," Derek answer, disgust in his voice.

"How the hell are we friends?" Mark asked as he pulled on his leather jacket.

"I have no idea," Derek shook his head. "Probably something to do with Mom thinking you shit roses."

"Mom loves me," he grinned. "I'm the good son."

"If Mom only knew," Derek whispered, smiling back.

"Don't wait up," Mark smirked. "I probably won't be back tonight."

"Take it easy on Mary or whatever her name was," Derek said.

Mark laughed as he shut the door behind him, leaving Derek with his books, a beer, and music playing softly from his computer.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

The tequilla burned her throat and made her head swim. She still wasn't completely used to it but she loved the freedom it gave her. Her mom wasn't there, no one was there. Except for the new friend she had made, the Asian with the dark curls. "This...this is the life," Meredith smiled, throwing an arm around her friend.

"You are so drunk right now," Cristina Yang rolled her eyes.

"And there is nothing wrong with that," Meredith said, pointing at her with a tequilla bottle.

"True," Cristina nodded. "I need to be drunk right now. That asshole from last night is headed over here."

"Mark?" Meredith groaned. Not again. He was a man whore, he was a complete man whore and she might like picking up random men but not Mark. He used. He was an ass. He was arrogant and nothing about him was what she wanted.

"Did I hear you call me, babe?" he sauntered up to her, that shit eating grin on his face.

"Don't call me babe," Meredith answered rolling her eyes.

"I can call you whatever you want," he leaned forward to whisper in her ear, smelling like whiskey.

"You're such an ass, Mark," Meredith said pushing him off of her.

"I do have a hot ass," he laughed. He never listened. Ever. Everything she said he turned it into something sexual. He was an ass.

"Do you ever take no for an answer?" Meredith groaned.

"Not unless it's to the question, do you want me to stop?" he winked at her.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked eyeing him strangely. "Seriously? You're...there's something wrong with you."

"Wanna play doctor?" he asked. Lame. Lame line. God, he was lame. And a manwhore. And lame.

"No Mark, I don't want to play doctor. I don't want to play anything with you, unless it involves pretending we never met," Meredith said.

"Let me get you another bottle of tequila," he said, "and then I think you'll want to play with me all night long."

"No!" Meredith shouted. "The only way you'll ever get with me is if I pass out. And that would be rape. Ass."

"Soon, Mary," he said slightly drunkenly. "Soon you'll realize you can't resist Mark Sloan and his pickle."

"Did you just call your penis a pickle?" Meredith looked at him like he had grown another head. "Does anyone even like you? Do you have friends?"

"Many friends," he nodded. "And everyone likes me."

"Somehow I think you're lying," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And now if you excuse me I'm going to find a guy who I'm actually interested in."

"The guys here are pussies," he frowned. "Children."

"I don't know, Mark. I have a feeling they don't call their penises pickles," Meredith giggled slightly.

"No pickle for you then," he shrugged and then grinned. "Tonight anyway."

"You're an idiot," Meredith groaned moving away from him.

"You know you want me, Mary."

"And what is with that Mary thing?" Meredith said, turning around quickly.

"That's your name, isn't it?" he chuckled. "Or are you into sex games and I don't know your name?"

"Meredith. My name is Meredith. And now feel free to forget it," Meredith sighed.

"Let's go, Mer," Cristina rolled her eyes as she finally grabbed her friend's arm and started to drag her away. "He's such a jackass."

"He really is," Meredith sighed following her friend.

"Hey," Cristina said as she poured herself her first drink of the night, "you're taken Physiological Behavior with Dr. Stanton, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Meredith groaned. "Why?"

"Test on Monday," Cristina grinned. "You take it at ten, I take it at two. Are you ready to kick ass so I can know what's on it?"

"I guess," Meredith shrugged. She hadn't actually been to that class in weeks.

"Warning," Cristina muttered, "McFuckface is headed your way. Again."

"What the hell is wrong with him?" Meredith groaned, hitting her head against the table.

"He wants to get in your pants, Mer," Cristina laughed. "I'd say kick him in the balls. That should stop him."

"I might," Meredith nodded.

"In the meantime," Cristina grinned, "Dr. Phelps' TA is here. And he grades my papers. I'll see you back at the dorm, Mer."

"Seriously? Seriously?" Meredith shouted at the retreating back of her friend. Or former friend.

"Hey," a voice from behind her says softly, a hand on her shoulder.

"Mark, I told you to get lost," Meredith said bitterly, not turning around.

"Mark?" the voice laughs. "Definitely not Mark. Steve. You need a drink?'

"Oh," Meredith turned around and smiled at the slightly attractive guy standing behind her. He was okay, not a Patrick Dempsey, but he'd do for tonight's company. He would definitely do. "I definitely need a drink."

The man smiled and pulled another bottle of tequila from the hundreds of bottles sitting on the table and gave her a grin. She thanked him with a nod and drained it before kissing him, hard, on the lips.

"Take me home," Meredith smiled, pulling slightly away from him.

"Definitely," Steve nodded, his hand reaching down to grab her ass as he led her away from the party.

_You're an accident waiting to happen, you're a piece of glass left behind on the beach..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Minutes ago Alicia's friend James messaged her and called Grey's "your" show as if it belonged to her. Sadly he was wrong.**

Meredith's eyes opened slowly against the blaring sun, and she blinked a few times, trying to get an understanding of her surroundings. Definitely not her dorm. Where the hell was she? She slowly opened and closed her eyes against the pounding hangover and then rolled over, staring directly at a digital clock. Eleven o'clock. "Shit!" she screamed as she jumped up. "Shit!" Pain immediately ripped through her head at the quick movement. She had slept through her test. Her important test that she needed to pass and she had missed it. She was late. Really late. And hungover. This was bad, this was all kinds of bad.

Where ever she was, she was apparently alone and she pulled on her jeans quickly, trying her absolute hardest to remember the night before. Josh? John? Jake? Crap. Tequila. So much tequila. "Shit. Shit," she muttered as she got dressed and flew down the stairs of the apparent dormitories.

Cristina was going to kill her, Cristina had been counting on her to find out what was on this test. So not only would she have to put up with disappointed Cristina because she had messed up again, but she'd have to withstand an angry Cristina. And there was that missing the test thing, the failing a class thing. This was bad. So so bad. She could not fail a class. Not at Dartmouth. She had worked her ass off to get into Dartmouth and had made it in and now, now she was failing. And not just a little failing, a lot failing. Big time failing. Being sent home failing. Being murdered failing. She wondered if she could somehow talk her professor in to letting her take the test later...something about a dead grandma, maybe?

She would have to call him. Meredith knew she could put on the waterworks, they had gotten her out of problems numerous times before and she would just have to use them again. Tears would work. She would call her professor and say something about a beloved grandmother dying. This would work out fine. What the hell was his name? Santon? Stanford? Shit. Why the hell couldn't she remember his name? She'd have to go to the actual classroom. Maybe they were still there. She'd have to show up crying or something. Because this was bad. This was so bad. And it had to work out. It had to.

She wasn't even dressed for this. She wore her bar clothes from the night before, but now they were beyond wrinkled. She was a mess and she briefly wondered how she had become this person. She was a good student. In high school she had been a good student, a partier but a good student. This wasn't supposed to happen, this was bad. She needed to fix this.

She stopped by the bookstore and grabbed a long sleeved Dartmouth t-shirt, throwing it over her halter top, and a hair tie. If she couldn't look responsible, she would have to look devastated. Absolutely devastated. And the best way to do that was with jeans and a Dartmouth shirt, and her hair up. Her heels that she hardly ever wore didn't help, but this would have to work for now.

She headed quickly to the building where she thinks she remembered the class room being. This is what happened when she let herself go wild. Her mom had warned her of this. Actually her mom had warned her about this by telling her this is exactly what was going to happen, and she threw in that disapproving tone to boot. Which is exactly why this couldn't happen.

She flew into the classroom she remembered and groaned when she saw it was empty, except for the professor. "Sir?" she called out, walking down the steps of the lecture hall.

"Yes?" the professor responded looking up from the tests he was marking.

"Sir, I'm in your ten o'clock physiological behavior class," she said quickly, summoning the tears. "My grandmother was in the hospital and I just got back and I am so sorry sir, but I missed the test. And I was wondering...maybe...it's been such a tough morning and I'm really sorry...I am."

"Is your grandmother okay?" he asked, out of the blue.

"Oh, uh," she murmured and then looked down, surprised by how easily the tears were coming, "no, sir. She, uh, had a heart attack and, she, um, she didn't make it."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the professor nodded. "What's your name?"

"Grey, sir," she replied. "Meredith Grey."

The professor flipped through some papers on his desk and look at one of them, deep in thought. "Meredith, you haven't been doing so well in this class."

"Oh, uh, no, sir," she sighed. "It's been...I've been having...it's been hard." She wondered for a second if the tears were real.

"Have you been struggling with the course material?" he asked, sounding a lot more kind about it than Meredith had expected.

"Y-yes, sir," she nodded. Actually, she hadn't even opened her book yet, it was still in the plastic. But it seemed like the right response.

The professor nodded slowly, obviously in thought about something. "Okay. I have some phone calls to make and some thinking to do. Meet me in my office in half an hour and we'll see if we can come up with a solution."

"Uh, thank you, sir," she almost wanted to hug him. He was being way too nice about this. Was he going to call the dean and have her kicked out? And then the reason she was here came to the forefront of her very confused and hungover brain. "Sir, the test?"

"I'll see what I can do about that," he answered, smiling sympathetically.

"Thank you," she breathed. "Thank you so much. I really am sorry. Like, really, really sorry. I'm a better student than this. So much better. Amazingly better." She needed to stop rambling. Stop. Stop, Meredith. "Uh...I am. Anyway...thank you."

"You're welcome," he nodded. "See you in half an hour. And Ms. Grey..."

"Yes, sir?" she bit her bottom lip.

"Be punctual this time," he said.

"Definitely," she nodded quickly as she turned and walked out of the lecture hall, letting out a breath. That had gone so much better than she had expected. He seemed nice. And he didn't seem to be very angry about it. Very understanding. Okay, this could be fixed. And she wouldn't be kicked out of Dartmouth and sent home to her mother. There would be no getting kicked out. None.

She contemplated going home and changing, but she didn't want to risk being late. She had a feeling if she was late that all of him being nice would come to an end. And there might be someone getting kicked out, so she stayed. She could grab a coffee, see if it would solve the pounding that was still in her head. Today wasn't going to be bad, today was going to be okay.

She opened her phone and set her alarm to go off at noon, thirty minutes. She would not be late. She would not be late. She went downstairs to the cafe and grabbed a cup of coffee, sighing as she sipped at it. She would be fine. She would be. She had to be. There was no way she couldn't be. Because she was not going to go home to her mom as a failure. From today on, no more drinking. None.

"If it isn't Mary," an obnoxious voice came from across the room.

Oh, shit. Not today. She rolled her eyes as she swallowed a large amount of steaming hot coffee. "Meredith, jackass," she sneered. "Meredith."

"That's no way to greet your favourite party partner," he smiled, slipping into a chair at her table.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked. She did not need this today. She did not need Mark. Not now.

"I'm sitting down," he shrugged. "Although I could understand why you wouldn't want me sitting here. You know, since you want to jump me and everything."

"Do you ever think about anything except sex?" she asked. "I mean, do you go to class and think your professor wants to fuck you too?"

"Mary, everyone wants to fuck me," he laughed. "But yes, I do go to class. I have a career in plastic surgery stretching out before me."

"Meredith," she groaned. "And you would go into plastics. Feeling up women all the time. Yeah, that sounds like an excellent career for you."

"It really does," Mark nodded, smiling smugly.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" she stared at him pointedly. "Like, anywhere except at my table?"

"Not really. My roommate is studying. And he's kind of intense...I'd rather avoid him when he gets like this," Mark shrugged.

"Studying room mates?" Meredith laughed a little. "Yeah, I have one of those."

"So you know my problem," Mark laughed. "We should go out for dinner, bond about it. And then bond in an entirely different way."

"You know, just as you start to carry on a decent conversation, you bring up sex," she sighed. "And the answer is still no. Seriously, Mark. It will never happen."

"Keeping the dream alive, Mary, keeping the dream alive," Mark smiled.

"Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes and then stared at her cell phone.

"You okay, Mary?" Mark asked, the tone of his voice all of a sudden changing. He didn't sound like an ass anymore. More like a concerned older brother or something.

"Yeah," she shook her head. "Just...I seriously screwed up. And I have a meeting with my professor at noon."

"Anything you want to talk about?" Mark kindly asked.

"Seriously?" Meredith stared at him. "With you?"

"I can talk," Mark shrugged. "I like sex but that doesn't mean my other head doesn't work."

She stared at him, taking a sip of her coffee. "I'm seriously fucking up. Seriously. I'm going to get sent home and my mom is going to do the whole I told you so thing and she's going to be right and I hate when she's right. I hate it. And she can't be right. She just can't. And I'm going to get sent home. Or something. I don't even know."

"How are you fucking up?" Mark asked. Mark wasn't even quite sure why he was talking to Meredith. She was supposed to be another girl, one who's name he barely knew. And now he was talking to her.

"I drink," she sighed. "I drink and I sleep with inappropriate men. And...why am I telling you this? The only thing that matters is that I have to go meet with my professor and he may call the dean or something and I'm going to shut up now. Because you're probably just thinking you want to get me in bed or something."

"At this moment, I'm not. Okay now I am, but I can ignore that. I drink and sleep with inappropriate women and I still manage to do well in school. You just have to find a balance, Mary," Mark sighed.

"Meredith," she stressed. "My name is Meredith. And I have to go. I have to go get kicked out of school. I have to go make my mom right because I fucked up so badly. Okay, I'm going. Now. Right now. I'm going. And you're going."

"You'll be fine, Mary. Life will work out for you," Mark reassured her.

"Whatever," she stood up and grabbed her purse and phone. She had five minutes. Five minutes and she could not be late. Definitely not be late. She ran up the stairs and got to the professor's door just as her alarm went off.

The door was open so she walked right in. And ran right into a young. Older than her but young. And he was a Patrick Dempsey. He was actually a young Patrick Dempsey. The piercing blue eyes and the dark wavy hair. Complete Patrick Dempsey. For a second she forgot why she was even here. "Uhh, sorry," she stammered, amazed by the light smile that was playing at the corner of his lips. Was he here to get kicked out too? Had he skipped the test? She wondered if he had woken up drunk in a random apartment too, and then couldn't help but wonder what he was like in bed.

"It's okay," he smiled at her wildly. The smile brought on a certain spark in his eyes, something she didn't think she had ever seen before. He was something else. His hand was held out to her. "Derek."

"Ah, Derek, I see you've met Ms. Grey," the professor came into the room, papers in his hands.

"I guess I have," Derek smiled again, dropping his hand.

"Ms. Grey, Meredith, please sit down," the professor waved his hand. Meredith sat down in a chair, staring at the Patrick Dempsey. Derek. He was...gorgeous. A definite keeper. She would have to flirt with him later. She looked at the nameplate on the desk, Dr. Philip Stanton. Stanton. It rang a bell.

"So...ummm...what's going on?" Meredith asked, looking between Derek and Dr. Stanton.

"Meredith, it appears you haven't actually attended my class in two weeks," he sat down behind his desk and Derek leaned against one of the file cabinets. He looked hot leaning. She definitely needed him naked.

"Well...yeah. Things have been...it's been hard," Meredith mumbled, wringing her hands nervously. She could feel Derek's eyes on her hands.

"Hard to attend class?" Dr. Stanton raised his eyebrows.

Shit. Shit. Shit. This wasn't going as she had hoped. It was going how she had planned but not as she had hoped. And it was happening in front of the Patrick Dempsey look a like. This was bad. "Well, umm...it's just. It's a big adjustment, you know, being away. And I...I guess I...I mean...it's just, it hasn't been going well."

He nodded. "Have you looked into the peer counseling services?" he asked sympathetically.

She shook her head quickly. "I should have," she whispered.

"Yes," he nodded. "However, I cannot fix your adjustment problems. I can help to fix the problems you are currently having in my class. If you are dedicated."

Meredith nodded quickly. "Yes, sir. Whatever you need."

"This is Derek Shepherd, my TA," Dr. Stanton nodded towards Derek. "He took this course his freshman year and was my most promising student."

"Okay..." Meredith murmured, trying to figure out exactly what Derek had to do with anything.

"I have asked Derek to tutor you," he continued. "And he has agreed. You will meet with him three times a week, for two hours a day. He will report to me about your progress. I expect you to attend this class every period, unless you are seriously ill, and then I expect a doctor's note. Derek will assign you assignments to make up for your missed work thus far."

"Tutoring...Der...Mr. Shepherd is going to tutor me?" Meredith asked a little bewilldered. The Patrick Dempsey was supposed to tutor her. The sex god sitting beside her, that she needed naked, was going to tutor her.

"Yes," Dr. Stanton nodded. "Is there a problem?"

"No, no, of course not," Meredith shook her head quickly. "I can definitely do the tutoring thing. There's no problem."

"Good," Dr. Stanton smiled. "I'll leave the two of you to speak and to sort out a schedule. I'll see you in class on Wednesday, Meredith."

"You can call me Derek," the Patrick Dempsey guy said as the professor walked out of the office.

"Derek," she nodded. "I'm Meredith. Apparently you're tutoring me."

"Apparently," Derek responded frowning slightly.

"So how are we going to do this?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. This was bullshit. A tutor. She didn't need a tutor. She wasn't stupid.

"Just what he said," Derek nodded slowly. "We'll meet three times a week for 2 hours a day. What time works best for you?" he asked, as he pulled a day planner out of his bag and opened it up.

A day planner. He was one of those guys. He carried a day planner. "Any days except Friday, Saturday, and Sunday," she answered. "Mondays are usually bad too. Thursdays can be shit sometimes, since I don't have classes on Friday."

"Meredith, you might want to actually give this a try, because from what you said it sounds like you only have two days. We need three," Derek grimaced slightly.

She stared at him, her eyes wide. Seriously? This guy was going to judge her. A guy who carried a day planner was going to judge her. "Fine," she stated. "Tuesdays. At four thirty. What does your day planner tell you about that?"

"I have my Future Doctors of America meeting at 5, so that doesn't work, does 6 on Tuesdays work for you?" he offered.

Future Doctors of America? She felt the vomit rise in her throat but she shook her head. "I'm usually busy at six," she said carefully.

"So you want to be sent home," Derek nodded, making a move to close his planner.

"What?" she stared at him. "Excuse me? No I don't want to be sent home. Fine, Tuesdays at six. But we better be done by eight."

"We'll be done by 8," Derek groaned. "But that's one day, Meredith, we need two more."

She thought for a second, going over her partying schedule in her head. Her promise of earlier to stop drinking was completely forgotten, because she liked partying. It was a good stress reliever. "Monday," she sighed. "I don't have class from twelve to two."

"Good," he nodded, scribbling something in his book. "We need one more day."

She frowned. "We seriously need three days?"

"Meredith, I'm in my final year. I have studying to do. I have a life. I'm not thrilled about this either, but it's your future on the line. And he said three days," Derek nodded.

She couldn't help but smirk at his words. A life. Yeah, Future Doctors of America and studying. Such a busy life. "Saturday afternoon."

"Good," Derek nodded.

"But you don't give me assignments on Saturdays," she said. "I'm a little busy over the weekends."

"Of course you are," Derek rolled his eyes.

"You know what, I don't need you judging me," she stood quickly. "So just forget it and go back to your busy life."

"Meredith," Derek said standing quickly and grabbing her arm. "I'm not trying to judge. Give this a chance. Your only other option is being kicked out."

"I don't need you saving me," she frowned. "I can do this myself."

"I don't want to save you," Derek shook his head. "But Dr. Stanton is asking for you to do this. I think you should."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes. She hated him. She hated the way he was looking at her, like she was a drunken slut. She hated him. And his smirk. "Are we starting this today or can I go?"

"You can go," Derek sighed.

"Good," Meredith yanked her arm from his grasp. "Any assignments, Mr. Shepherd?"

"I said you can call me Derek. And no, no assignments today," he said, running his fingers through his hair.

"Fine," she snapped. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. I need your number," he answered sounding annoyed. "Or some way to contact you."

"Give me your phone," she said, holding out her hand. "And being nice would work wonders for you."

"Because you're so thrilled with this situation," Derek groaning as he handed her his phone.

"Definitely not," she shook her head. "I can think of so many better ways to be spending my time than with a complete and total dork who wouldn't know fun if it bit him in the ass." She put her number in his phone and then turned and left.

_"I promise you it's true, I hate most everybody, but most of all, I hate you"_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: We don't own Grey's Anatomy. We don't write for Grey's Anatomy. But after this update you might want to start a petition to get us the job. Just kidding. Unless of course you actually want to…**

Derek groaned and looked at the book in front of him. Again. He had been looking at the same page for an hour. He never looked at the same page for an hour, but he was so mad, so annoyed. He didn't need this. He was in his last year and needed the high marks to get into med school. He didn't needed this added stress that was leading him to staring at the same page for an hour.

He knew it was his job as TA to sometimes talk to the students, to help them if they needed it. He understood that. But to actually have to tutor a spoiled brat like Meredith Grey. It was just above and beyond unreal. He had things to do. Classes to pass, medical schools to apply to, meetings to plan. He did not have time to put up with Meredith's hangovers.

"God, I can't do this," he groaned, wracking his fingers through his hair as he pushed away from his desk.

"Do what?" Mark grinned as he came into the room, tossing his leather coat on the couch as he went into the kitchen to grab a beer.

"I'm a senior student. These marks are important. I can't do it," Derek said, shaking his head as he headed to follow Mark. He needed a beer. God, he needed a beer.

"Drinking in the middle of the day, Shep?" Mark raised his eyebrows. "I knew I'd finally get to you. And what can't you do?"

"You did not get to me. Meredith got to me. And that's exactly what I can't do," he sighed, opening the beer.

"You can't do Meredith?" he grinned. "Having problems, Shep? I've heard there are some amazing little blue pills that help with that. Not that I would know, the family jewels work just fine."

"Mark, not everything is about fucking," Derek groaned. "I've been asked to tutor her."

"Oh," Mark nodded. "Tutor her. In what exactly? Anatomy? Screwing? Discovering the Shepherd family jewels?"

"Psychological Behaviour, you idiot," Derek said, gently hitting Mark in the arm.

"Oh, I bet you could teach her something about her physiological behavior," Mark winked. "And who is this Meredith anyway?"

"Some first year. Meredith Grey," Derek shrugged.

"Oh, a freshman," Mark laughed. "Now I really know what you're tutoring her. Nice cover by the way."

"Mark, she's a complete brat. I had to fight to get any time with her because she'd rather be partying than studying. She makes you look like a serious student," Derek answered.

"I'm offended," Mark frowned. "I'm an extremely serious student. I take my classes extremely seriously."

"Yes, when you're not too busy screwing some nameless chick you're quite the serious student," Derek nodded, laughing slightly despite his frustration.

"Man, I wouldn't even worry about it," Mark shrugged. "At least you're finally going to get laid."

"I'm tutoring her, Mark. Tutoring. We'll be spending hours looking at textbooks. Assuming she's not to hung over," Derek argued.

"You could always do her on the library tables," Mark grinned. "You could even play some games. She's the naughty school girl, you're the principal who has to punish her."

"You're a sick twisted person, Mark Sloan," Derek shook his head. "I wouldn't even want to fuck her. She's more your type...loose and easy."

"Nice," his friend nodded appreciatively. "How's the body, man? She's gotta rock the body."

Derek sighed. "She's hot, she's definitely hot. Tiny little thing, gorgeous eyes. And completely beside the point. I don't have time to tutor some girl who'd rather be out drinking."

"You have a thing for her," Mark grinned. "I'm telling you, library tables. You'd be a fucking legend man."

"I don't want to be a fucking legend. I don't even want to be a fucking tutor," Derek groaned.

"Dude, you could totally have her take an article of clothing off everytime she gets a question right!" Mark said excitedly. "Or you take your clothes off. And then she fucks you if she gets an A on a paper. You think old man Stanton would let me tutor?"

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you sure the same mother raised us?" Derek asked, shaking his head.

"Nothing's wrong," Mark stood up to throw his beer bottle away. "Mom always told us all work and no play makes us dull boys. You gotta play, Shep."

"I play. I don't play with easy drunks on library tables," Derek said.

"You don't play," Mark rolled his eyes. "You sit in here all damn day to study. Unless you have class. Or a meething with the Future Dorks of America. You're pasty. You're actually whiter than the walls. No wonder this chick doesn't want to fuck you. She was probably hoping for a hot tutor."

"She doesn't want a tutor period. The only reason she agreed was because she doesn't want to be kicked out. She just wants a bar and a bottle of tequila," Derek sighed, shaking his head.

"Oh the things good ol' Jose can make a girl do," Mark sighed, a smile slowly creeping over his features. "I gotta tell you, Shep, the girls who prefer tequila? Do the craziest fucking things in bed. Things you haven't even dreamed of."

"Mark, use your other head for once. Your best friend is having a crisis. You don't think I have a life now, imagine what will happen when I have to spend six hours a week with her," Derek pointed out.

"I am using my other head," Mark nodded. "I'm seeing that this could be good for you. You don't have any friends except me. You never leave this fucking apartment. It's ridiculous, Derek. I don't know what's up but I'm talking to Mom about it over Thanksgiving break."

"You are not talking to Mom about me," Derek huffed. "There is nothing wrong with me. I want to be a doctor, it's hard work. Simple as that."

"I want to be a doctor too," Mark shrugged. "But I'm having fun. You have to learn to strike a balance, Shep."

"I don't need a balance. I don't need to tutor a brat. And I don't need to be having this conversation," Derek groaned, moving back towards his desk.

"Look, man, you know I don't do the chick flick shit," Mark followed him, "but you're running yourself into the ground. You've got to have fun, Derek. Your dad would want you to have fun for once in your life."

"I'll have fun when I'm done school, Dad would get that," Derek shrugged. "I'm fine, Mark. And I don't need a manwhore watching out for me."

"Dad would want you to have fun," Mark repeated. "And Mom wants you to have fun. And this Meredith chick? She's fun, Derek. She's going to be fun. And you know what really pisses me off? I'm your brother, man. So stop acting like a stranger is giving you this advice. I've known you for years. I know what's going through that fucked up head of yours. And it's not healthy."

Derek sighed and sunk into his desk chair. A part of him knew that Mark was right. he had been glued to his chair since September. He knew it was bad. But he needed to, he needed to get good marks. But Mark was right. "If I go to a party with you this weekend will you shut up?"

"Sure," Mark shrugged. "I'll shut up at Thanksgiving if you fuck a girl."

"Party, Mark. I agreed to a party. Don't push your luck," Derek groaned.

"Fine, whatever," Mark rolled his eyes. "I've gotta run. I have a date with...well...shit. Some chick."

"Of course you do," Derek laughed. "I won't wait up."

"You really shouldn't," Mark grinned and grabbed his coat. "Oh, and Shep?"

"Yes?" Derek asked, his attention already back on the book.

"When's your first tutoring session with hot chick?"

"Tomorrow, why?" Derek asked.

"Condoms are in my bedside table," Mark winked. "No glove, no love."

"You're an idiot," Derek sighed.

Mark laughed as he shut the door, leaving Derek to his studying, yet again.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Tomorrow. Tomorrow was her first session with Derek The Dork. That was his new nickname. Not The Patrick Dempsey. Derek the Dork. And tomorrow she had to spend two hours with him. She couldn't help but groan. It was going to be the longest two hours of her life.

Cristina was still pissed at her about the skipping of the test situation. So pissed that, even though they shared a cramped dorm room, Cristina had somehow managed not to look or speak to her for the past hour and a half. Instead, music blared from her iPod as she frowned at her books. Meredith groaned loudly again, hoping her friend would somehow notice.

"I'm not talking to you, Grey," Cristina muttered, not looking up from her books.

"You just did," Meredith grinned.

Cristina looked up and rolled her eyes at her roommate and shook her head no before looking back down at her books. Apparantly teasing her wasn't going to make her talk to Meredith.

"Cristina," Meredith groaned. "Seriously. I already said I'm sorry."

"Well yeah, it was a lame ass apology. And a lame ass excuse," Cristina shrugged.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You can't not talk to me, Cristina. I'm already being punished enough."

"Because being tutored by McDreamy is such a great punishment," Cristina laughed.

"McDreamy?" Meredith stared at her friend. "Are you on something? He's totally not McDreamy. He's a total Mc...Dork."

"Who looks like Patrick Dempsey," Cristina nodded. "And Patrick Dempsey is dreamy."

"He has a day planner, Cristina!" Meredith groaned. "Seriously. A day planner. He's not Patrick Dempsey anymore."

"You know Patrick Dempsey is kind of dorky. Ever hear that man talk about racing? He's like a lame little kid," Cristina pointed out.

"Ten bucks says Patrick Dempsey doesn't have a day planner," Meredith argued.

"I'll take that action," Cristina sighed. "Though I think finding out the answer will involve stalking."

"His wife just had twins," Meredith grinned. "We could always be nannies."

"You can be a nanny. I don't do babies. I can be his assistant or something. Of course that might involve a day planner and there goes our friendship," Cristina shrugged.

"We could call him Mr. Dempsey," Meredith giggled. "It would be so hot."

"Mr. Dempsey, it looks like your fly is stuck, would you like some help with it?" Cristina laughed.

"Mr. Dempsey, you look so stressed. A bubble math might help...I could join you," Meredith giggled again.

"Mr. Dempsey, I scheduled a massage for you but forgot to book a masseus. I'd be happy to help you out though," Cristina replied.

"Mr. Dempsey, Talula found our handcuffs, what should I tell her?" Meredith started laughing, falling back on her bed.

"Oh, Mer, bringing the kids into it is just dirty," Cristina shook her head. "And with handcuffs."

"I'm the nanny, I'd be responsible for the kids," Meredith nodded. "And you remember what he said on Regis and Kelly? He's an animal in bed. Handcuffs would be necessary."

"And to think you're complaining about being tutored by a look alike," Cristina smiled.

"Oh God," Meredith groaned. "Don't remind me. He's such a fucking dork. What with his day planner and his smugness. And he belongs to Future Doctors of America. Seriously. He's a complete freak."

"Not that I'm disagreeing but just fuck his brain out and pretend he's Mr. Dempsey. Sounds like he needs a good lay," Cristina shrugged.

"Cristina!" Meredith stared at her, horror on her face. "A day planner! I cannot fuck a guy with a day planner!"

"Meredith, considering the namless guys you fuck every night you probably already have," Cristina pointed out, laughing.

"You're disgusting," Meredith shook her head. "And I have to meet him tomorrow at the library. For two hours. What the fuck am I going to do at the library for two hours?"

"Library tables, could lead to interesting stories to tell the Dempsey kids," Cristina volunteered.

"What?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Library tables?"

"You're slow," Cristina groaned. "Fuck him on the library tables. You know you want to."

"Seriously?" Meredith stared at her best friend. "Seriously. I do not want to fuck him. That is disgusting. He has a day planner. And he's probably president of the Dartmouth chapter of Future Doctors of America. He is disgusting. And gross. And a complete and total freak. So what if he has amazing blue eyes and great hair and a great body. He's a dork. A complete and total McDork!"

"Doth think the lady protest too much," Cristina nodded.

"Don't quote that Shakespeare shit at me," Meredith growled. "He's...he's...not fucking material. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole. And he's not even Patrick Dempsey. He's...Ronnie Miller. Only...worse. Because he...because he is. So he's young Patrick Dempsey and...and...no. I don't want to fuck him.'

"Ronnie was kind of hot," Cristina pointed out. "And seriously, Mer, this is your fault. You don't even need a tutor. If you actually went to class you'd be acing it and we both know it."

"Whatever," Meredith shrugged. "Becca and her boyfriend are throwing a party tonight. You coming?"

"I never miss a party," Cristina smied.

Meredith grinned as she threw on a halter top and jeans. Tonight, she wouldn't think about Derek Shepherd. Tonight, she wouldn't worry about tutoring. Tonight, she'd party and have a good time. And definitely not think about the McDork whose smile she couldn't get out of her head.

_Will you persist even after I bet you a billion dollars that I'll never love you._


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy we wouldn't be patient like the rest of the cast (even Ellen who calls everyday, how cute is that?) we would have met the babies by now. Because they're too cute for words.**

Meredith stood in front of the library, staring at the doors. Her head was pounding. She still felt nauseous. And she was twenty minutes late. Becca had thrown one hell of a party and neither she nor Cristina had made it out of bed until two that day. She was late, because, well, she had never actually been to the library. Ever. She wasn't even sure what it looked like. Except that it had a lot of books in it, probably.

And she assumed that Derek the Dork was going to be mad. Really mad. He'd take that day planner out and point at things and scribble. And probably complain about how he has some meeting with the Future Doctors of America or whatever it was. And he definitely wouldn't be pleased. She was going to hear it, she was going to get the lecture and the judging. Because Derek was a dorky ass.

She sighed as she stepped into the library, holding her book in her arms. She had unwrapped it from the plastic on the way there, and she hoped Derek the Dork wouldn't notice it. Though, dorks always noticed that kind of shit. He was such a freak. She looked around and then saw him coming her way, his face set into a deep frown. "Hey, sorry," she shrugged. "Long night."

"Of course," he sighed. "I was about to give up waiting."

"Look, I said I'm sorry," she frowned. "Can we just get on with this shit? I have somewhere to be."

"Glad you could squeeze me into your schedule," Derek answered rolling his eyes. "Come on, we'll go grab a table."

Meredith smirked at Cristina's advice about the library tables as she followed Derek to a table in the back. "So what are you going to make me do?" she asked, throwing her book on to the table, along with her bag.

"I figured today we'd look over the material that's been covered so far, starting at the beginning, to see what the problem was," Derek shrugged.

"God, this is going to suck," Meredith groaned.

"That attitude is going to be a great help," Derek snapped back sarcastically.

"Yeah, well, you're so fucking grumpy it's a little hard to be excited about this," Meredith frowned. "I'm not keeping you from the Future Doctors of America am I?"

"No you're not," Derek grumbled. "But I have a life. I have better things to do than this.

"Like what?" Meredith smirked. "Study?"

"Yes. Some of us actually have a direction in life and just don't want to waste away drinking," Derek said bitterly.

"You're an ass," she said. "A boring ass. Oh, and a complete dork."

"I'm not the one about to flunk out 2 months in, so you might not want to judge," Derek shrugged.

Meredith stared at him for a second, her eyes wide and for a second, he thought he had actually hurt her. He tried to ignore the stab of guilt that came through him as she looked down at her book. "You know what?" she said, biting her lower lip. "You don't have to do this. How about you tell Stanton I'm a model student and you can go study and I'll go waste away drinking?"

Derek immediately felt like shit. He didn't want this job, and he definitely didn't like her but he hadn't meant to make her feel like shit. He sighed and touched her arm softly. "Meredith, listen. I'm sorry. Neither of us are thrilled about this, but let's get through it."

"Ass," she said, looking right back at him. "You're such an ass. And probably still a virgin."

Derek looked at her in complete disbelief. "Does this attitude actually win you friends?"

"More friends than you probably have," she shrugged. "And definitely more dates."

"I don't like you," Derek said shaking his head. "Do you want to waste your time here insulting me or actually get some work done?"

"Whatever," Meredith shrugged as she opened her book, disturbed that it still had the new book smell.

The smell didn't go unnoticed. "You've never touched the book, have you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Meredith sighed, refusing to look him in the eye.

"Meredith, I'm not an idiot. That's a brand new book," Derek groaned.

"Only a dork would know that," she stared at him. "Seriously. How the hell could you tell? Are you a book whisperer or something?"

"Yes, Meredith. I talk to books. It told me," Derek smirked. "None of the pages are bent, the spine isn't cracked and I can smell the new book smell from here."

"Freak," she whispered. "Fine, it's new. So what?"

"So you're stuck with me. Because you never even opened the book. It didn't actually occur to you that college might take some work?" he asked.

"I have been working," she frowned. "And how do you know I didn't, uh...spill some...um...coffee on my old book? Yeah. I spilled coffee on it. Late nights, you know. The night before the test when my grandfather was in the hospital."

"That's a believable story," Derek nodded.

"It is," she smiled. "Extremely. Not all of us consider books to be our best friends, you know."

"Besides I thought it was your grandmother," Derek smiled.

Shit. Meredith sighed as she thumbed the pages of the new book, a frown on her face. "Grandmother," she nodded carefully. "That's what I said."

"You said grandfather," Derek's smile widened.

She tried to will the tears to come, he definitely would leave her alone if she cried. "It's...I'm sorry," she whispered, letting a tear fall carefully. "It's just been so tough. Her death...I mean, god...she was so healthy and now she's gone and it's just so damn hard." The tears were coming easily now, and she almost smiled at her nearly perfect performance. No guy could resist a girl crying.

"Save the fake tears, Grey," Derek sighed. "They may have worked on the good old professor but they're not about to work on me. You were out partying the night before, weren't you?"

She nodded mutely, the tears stopping immediately. What the hell was up with him? How did he know the tears were fake? "Yeah," she sighed. "So?"

"So stop bitching. It's not my fault you're here," Derek pointed out.

"Whatever," she shrugged. "Can we just get started? Being around you is causing me to seriously lose coolness levels."

"Wouldn't want that," Derek groaned. "So do you have any idea what you've actually learned so far?"

"Um," Meredith sighed, biting her lower lip again. "The syllabus?"

"Oh wonderful. When you get knocked up one day your children will ask about college and you'll be able to tell them about a syllabus and tequila," Derek muttered under his breath.

"Excuse me?" she stared at him.

"Nothing," he shook his head. "It's going to be hard to tutor you if you don't go to the class."

"You know what?" Meredith stood. "I don't need this shit. You don't get to call me a whore. You don't know who I am or what I've been doing. Just because you're a boring ass with no life doesn't make me a whore. And I'm not going to be tutored by you."

"Fine, leave. But don't be mistaken, I'm not going to lie for you," Derek shrugged leaning back in his chair.

"I'll tell Dr. Stanton you were sexually harassing me," she snapped.

"Dr. Stanton has known me since I was in first year, there's no way he'd believe that shit story," Derek said calmly.

"Calling me a whore is sexual harassment," she stated. "And you grabbed my arm earlier. Unwelcome touching. Sexual harassment."

"I did not call you a whore," Derek rolled his eyes. "Stop putting words in my mouth."

"You called me a whore," she stated. "Talking about me getting knocked up. Like I have a sex a lot. Which, even if I do have sex a lot, it's none of your business. And it's sexual harassment. And the whole unwelcome touching thing...I think your hand might have grazed my breast too."

"Seriously Meredith, what is your problem? You barely know me and you hate me enough to destroy my life?" Derek asked, moving out of his chair.

"You'd love to destroy mine," she said, her hands on her hips as she looked up at him. He was tall, not a lot taller than her, but enough to make her have to look up at him. And he was intense, the way his blue eyes darkened with her every word.

"Really? So me trying to help you pass a class is going to destroy your life? Interesting theory," Derek spoke softly, but his voice was harsh.

"You...you're," she couldn't think for some reason. He had moved closer to her at some point and they were millimeters apart. "You'd love for me to fail."

"No, I wouldn't. I think you're a brainless party girl who cares more about who she's going to sleep with next than whether or not she has a future. I would love for you to prove me wrong," he all but whispered, his breath sounding harsh.

"You're just like," suddenly she turned away, sighing deeply, but he had caught the tears shining in her eyes.

Those were real tears and something about them made his heart clench. "Meredith," he whispered his voice more gentle. "What is it?"

"Nothing," she shook her head. "Seriously. Nothing. It's nothing. I'm fine. Totally fine. We have to do this. So we should do it. Definitely. So I don't get sent home. Because if that happens..."

"It won't," Derek shook his head, for some reason suddenly believing it. He turned and moved back to his chair. "We should probably start right from the beginning, catch you up on what you missed."

"Okay," she nodded as she sat down, taking a deep shaky breath. "So what the fuck is physiological behavior anyway? And why the fuck do I have to take it?"

Derek laughed, even though he didn't want to. "Physiological behaviour looks at the connection between your brain and your behaviour. And it's part of your major."

"This is what I get for being interested in neurosurgery," she sighed.

"Meredith," Derek sighed. "No offence, at all, but why exactly are you interested in neurosurgery? You're not exactly the school type but you have years ahead of you."

She shrugged. "I want to be a doctor," she said. "My, um, my mom's a doctor. A really great doctor actually. The best doctor in the world and, I don't know. It just...it's...I don't know."

Derek looked at her for a second, obviously thinking of something. "Grey...your mom is Ellis Grey?"

"Oh God," she sighed, and Derek could swear he saw the tears again. "Yeah, my mom's Ellis Grey."

"Wow," Derek nodded. "Somehow I get the impression that's not quite as wonderful as it sounds."

Meredith frowned. "It's...it's what it is," she said. "She's...she's busy and...um, we should, uh, we should do this."

Derek knew an avoidance tactic when he saw one. He had been using them with his family for years. And he let her have it, because he wasn't quite sure why he cared anyway. "We should," he nodded.

"So," she said, scooting her chair over so they could look at the book together and he suddenly was bombarded by a flowery smell. He leaned forward a little. "Physiological Behavior."

"Yeah," Derek gulped, fighting the urge to pull at his collar. The room had gotten strangely warmer. "The first chapter is pretty straight forward, it's covers the different areas of the brain and what they do. It's a simple case of memorizing."

Meredith nodded as she leaned forward again, and he couldn't help but lean closer to her hair as she looked at the diagram of the brain. "Right," she nodded. "I can memorize that."

"Yeah," Derek whispered and then cleared his throat. "I have some umm...diagrams. You can label them, colour them, do whatever it takes to memorize the different parts."

"Seriously?" she giggled a little. "I didn't realize I needed crayons for college."

Derek smiled immediately at the giggle. She was obnoxious and rude and stuck on herself, but she had a cute giggle. "Pencil crayons work too," he joked.

She smiled up at him, her eyes dancing. He had a nice smile. Very nice. "Um, Derek," she said slowly.

"Yeah?" he smiled back, realizing how close they were once again.

"I, uh," she was cut off when her phone started ringing. Students looked around the library and Meredith grabbed it. "Shit. Sorry. Hello?"

Derek sat and drummed the table with his fingers as he endured Meredith's phone call. And to think he had almost been over hating her. She was apparently buckling down, apparently getting serious. And then her phone rang and she was gone to him again, lost in her own world where apparently he was a virgin dork. Mark would love Meredith Grey. She was exactly his type of woman, and that wasn't a compliment.

"Seriously?" she said into her phone. "Seriously. Okay, no. I'm definitely on my way. Grab my black shirt, will you? I'll be there in ten." She hung up the phone and smiled at him apologetically. "Um, I have to, there's this thing and...yeah."

"Meredith, you haven't even been here for an hour," Derek groaned.

"Okay, Michael Edwards is throwing this party," she said carefully. "And he wants it to go twenty four hours straight. The people who can make it twenty four hours get a case of tequila."

"So you're blowing me off for tequila?" Derek grimaced.

"Uh, yeah," she nodded. "Why wouldn't I? This is huge. Party of the century type of stuff. Legendary stuff."

"Oh I'm glad to know a legendary party is more important than school," Derek sighed running his fingers through his hair.

"Don't do that," she frowned. "Don't be Derek the Dork again."

"Meredith," Derek said, sounding exasperated. "I'm just trying to help you out. I can't if you won't let me."

"We can do this another time," she said, standing up. "Memorize parts of the brain, color some pictures. I can do that."

"You're leaving an hour and a half early," Derek pointed out obviously still displeased.

"Do you want me to write a paper or something?" she asked as she gathered her stuff. "Seriously, Derek, don't you ever go out? Everyone's going to be at this party."

"Fine," Derek sighed. "Go. But next time I see you I expect you to know that diagram by heart."

"I will," she nodded and then grabbed her cell phone as it rang again, talking excitedly as she walked away.

Derek fell back against his chair and sighed. He had a feeling Meredith wasn't the girl she pretended to be, but that didn't change things. She wasn't committed, she was wasting his time. He didn't need this, he didn't need to tutor someone who left to go drink when she was supposed to learn. Even if he couldn't get the sound of her giggle out of his head.

_Your subtleties, they strangle me. I can't explain myself at all._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: We don't own Grey's Anatomy, but apparently we wish we were Shonda. So we do the next best thing...we copy her. In the scary way that could make or break a fanfic, something that you could love or could hate. So ummm...we didn't kill Mer. Don't worry. Rated M by the way.**

Derek sighed heavily as he headed up the stairs to his apartement. He had studying to do, he had a test the next week that he definitely should devote some time planning to. But he was exhausted. He wanted his bed. Tutoring Meredith Grey tired him out, or more accurately fighting with Meredith Grey tired him out. He wanted bed. He could blow off studying for sleep, it was a better excuse than some 24 hour party.

He unlocked the door and took off his jacket, throwing it on the couch but missing. He didn't even bother picking it up as he walked past his desk, piled high with notes and books. He needed a beer and then bed. And since there was that 24 hour party, Mark wouldn't be home. Which meant he could have his bed. And peace and quiet. Because he needed it. "Hey," Mark grinned as he came into the kitchen.

"Hey," Derek mumbled, immediately heading towards the fridge. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I live here," Mark frowned. "You know, I sleep here and eat here. And sometimes have sex here. Well, most of the time have sex here."

"Thanks idiot," Derek sighed. "I mean why aren't you at that big 24 hour party?"

"Because it's for pansies," Mark shrugged. "Twenty four hours? Fuck. Tom and I are planning on throwing a four day party. See if those weak ass freshmen can survive that."

"Well I know one freshman who will definitely be there, even if it does mean skipping a tutoring session or two," Derek groaned.

"Your naughty little school girl skipped out on tutoring today?" Mark laughed.

"She showed," Derek sighed. "And then left after half an hour after to go party."

"You should punish her man," Mark winked. "Throw her on the library table and give her a nice spanking for being so naughty."

"Your brain is a very scary place my friend," Derek shook his head. "And she's infuriating."

"Which means you want to do her."

"The last thing I want to do is her. Strangle her, maybe, but definitely not do her," Derek shook his head.

"That's kinky, Shep," Mark frowned. "And maybe a little disturbing."

"Mark, how is it that you manage to actually function?" Derek asked.

"No idea," Mark shrugged. "But I manage. And it's tough, sometimes. Three dates this weekend. I'll have to manage three women. It's not easy."

"Is there any woman that doesn't want to jump you?" Derek laughed.

"Mary," Mark sighed sadly. "Well, she does want to jump me. She just doesn't know it yet."

"Mary. So there might actually be an intelligent female on this planet after all," Derek smiled, nodding approvingly.

"Whatever, Shepherd," Mark grabbed a beer and then handed one to Derek. "Mary wants me. She just doesn't know it yet. But she will. After the four day party this weekend, she will definitely know it."

"The four day party is this weekend? The weekend I promised to go out with you?" Derek groaned.

"You'll have a blast, Shep," Mark grinned. "And maybe it won't be this weekend. Tom and I were thinking next weekend. This weekend, this weekend is the teaser. Tom has to call his parents for the cash to buy the booze."

"Well let me know when the four day party is, as I will have to build my schedule with Meredith around it," Derek complained. "She hadn't even opened her textbook. She doesn't need a tutor, she needs an AA sponsor."

Mark shrugged. "She's a freshman, Derek. We all went through that 'I'm not around Mommy' phase. She'll get over it."

Derek nodded, knowing part of him did agree. Because he had already figured out that there was more to Meredith Grey than meets the eye. "The question is if she'll get over it before she flunks out."

Mark took a swig of his beer. "Can't be that bad, Shep."

"She has no idea what Psychological Behaviour is even about," Derek stated.

"I remember you thinking the class was bullshit for a while," Mark grinned.

"It is bullshit, but it's necessary bullshit," Derek shrugged.

"You so kissed Stanton's ass," Mark laughed. "That old man would wipe your ass if you asked him to."

"Which explains why he gave me the most annoying student ever to tutor," Derek moaned.

"He probably knows you need a good lay," Mark shrugged. "Hell, it doesn't take a fucking genius to figure that out."

"I'm sure getting me some action was the main thing on his mind," Derek nodded. "This might surprise you, but not everyone thinks about sex 24/7."

"Men think about sex every six seconds," Mark pointed out. "Over achievers like me think about it every two."

"Stanton does not think about sex every six seconds," Derek argued.

"How do you know?" Mark asked.

"He's old," Derek grimaced.

"And?" Mark asked. "You think old people don't think about fucking? I bet he wants to fuck your naughty little school girl."

"I'm sure Meredith would be thrilled to hear that," Derek groaned. "She gets around but I think she might have her limits."

"So she's a slutty freshman?" Mark grinned evilly. "You should bring her over, Shep. If you don't want her, I'll help her study."

"You are not getting within ten feet of her," Derek snapped.

"Oh, touchy," Mark frowned. "I thought she was a skanky drunk who you hated and found infuriating?"

"She is," Derek sighed. "But I'm trying to help her out, not screw her up more."

"You totally want her," Mark grinned. "And now, I'm actually going to study. Big test tomorrow."

"Wow, I'm impressed," Derek said, finishing off his beer and heading towards his own room. "I'm heading to bed."

"What about studying?" Mark stared at him, shock in his eyes.

"Meredith exhausts me," Derek groaned.

"Dude, you fucked her, didn't you?" Mark continued to stare at him. "And you weren't going to tell me? You bastard."

"I didn't fuck her," Derek rolled his eyes. "She showed up late, we argued a lot, studied for maybe five minutes and then she left."

"And by studied you mean a quickie?" Mark nodded.

"By studied I mean looked at the diagram of the brain that she had never looked at before," Derek said, smiling anyway, thinking about her tiny joke about crayons and the giggle that accompanied it.

"And then you fucked in the stacks, didn't you?" Mark grinned. "Hell yeah you did. A five minute quickie."

"There was no fucking. Not on the table or in the stacks. She's a stupid first year that would rather party than do anything else. I'd rather not waste time fucking her," Derek said.

"Whatever," Mark shrugged said as he grabbed a bag of chips and another beer. "I have studying and you have jacking off to do. Just don't be too loud, okay?" Mark turned and went into his own bedroom.

Derek groaned and entered his own bedroom, pulling the shirt over his head. He wasn't sure what he was friends with Mark for. Mark was an idiot, a complete idiot. Talking to him was a waste of time unless you wanted to hear some crude sex jokes. Which was the last thing that Derek needed after the day from hell.

He pulled off his pants and fell back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling in frustration. Meredith Grey. His life had been right on track before Dr. Stanton had sent her into his life. Now he was worrying about making sure she didn't flunk. It wasn't his responsibility to help a drunken slut. It wasn't his responsibility to do anything for her. He had more important things to worry about.

And yet he was worried. He had no reason to be, she was the one messing up her own life and really it had nothing to do with him. He shouldn't care what happened in her life. It was her life. She had managed just fine without him. Actually she had managed to make a mess of things without him. But that did not make it his responsibility to fix it.

He frowned as his eyelids began to droop. Just thinking about her made him exhausted. Just thinking about the fact that she had never opened a text book exhausted him. How the hell had she even gotten into Dartmouth? And why was he so concerned about her staying?

Sleep. Sleep would be good, sleep would do him wonders, chase Meredith from his thoughts and get him ready to buckle down with his books tomorrow. Sleep. He needed sleep.

"Sorry, Mr. Shepherd," she replied, chewing her bottom lip nervously, seductively. "You'll have to punish me."

He nodded firmly and grabbed her, lifting her onto the table with ease, before kissing her, hard. "Take off your shirt, Grey."

Meredith nodded eagerly and slowly started undoing the few buttons that held her shirt closed. "Whatever you want, Mr. Shepherd."

"Faster," he ordered, as he bit down on the skin where her shoulder and neck met, causing her to moan.

Meredith moved quickly causing the last couple of buttons to pop off but she didn't care. She wanted to be naked for him. She wanted to please him. "Better?" she whispered, cocking one eyebrow.

"Much," he murmured, staring appreciatively at the way her cleavage seemed to spill out of her black lacy bra. He moved in between her separated legs, pushing his fingers into her, not at all amazed by the lack of panties. She threw her head back and moaned as he continued to thrust his fingers into her, at the same time bending down to take a nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue eagerly.

"God, Shepherd, you're amazing," Meredith breathed, tangling her fingers through his hair and tugging slight as he bit down gently on her nipple causing her to moan loudly. "Please."

Derek said nothing as he continued biting gently, occasionally swirling his tongue around her taut nipple, timing each thrust of his fingers with a new moan. She was ready for him, she was ready to take him. "I'm going to fuck you, Grey."

"Please, Mr. Shepherd," Meredith pleaded breathlessly, her head falling back again. His fingers were working wonders at taking all the strength from her body, melting her against him. She shifted slightly, bringing her hips closer to him as her hands travelled to his fly. "Please."

He nodded as she released him from his tightened jeans, and he shoved her to lay down on the table, her skirt up around her waist as he lowered himself into her. Stopping before he allowed himself full access. "Beg, Grey."

"Please, Mr. Sheperd, fuck me. Show me how naughty I've been, please," Meredith breathed.

He entered into her, thrusting harshly as her hands scraped against his back, her moans begging for more as he thrust deeper and faster into her, not bothering with niceties or gentleness. Her hips rose to meet him, bucking wildly as he held her down with his own strong arms as he continued thrusting.

"God, Derek," she breathed, her body starting to quake with an orgasm. He pulled her closer, thrusting into her quickly and hard. This was pure fucking, nothing more, an animalistic lust being fullfilled as he pushed harder into her, causing her to scream with a combination of pain and pleasure.

"God, you're amazing," she screamed as the orgasm over took her, her entire body shaking as he continued his thrusting until finally, he came, groaning wildy at the release. "You are amazing, Derek. I need you. You are a god."

He held her close, his breathing trying to return to normal. A fine sweat had covered both their bodies and the smell of sex filled the area. Suddenly he pulled away. "Don't be late again, Grey."

Derek's eyes flew open. His heart was racing, his breath came out hitched and his whole entire bed was soaked with sweat and well something else... he wasn't 13. He wasn't some damn horny 13 year old and yet that might have been the hottest dream he could ever remember having.

He sat up slowly, running his fingers through his hair as he tried to breathe. It hadn't been real. He had not fucked Meredith Grey on a library table, and jesus, why was he even dreaming about this? About her? In that way. She was infuriating. And slutty. And god...this was bad. This was really terribly bad.

He didn't like her. He couldn't stand her. And he definitely didn't want her that way. He did not want to fuck her like that on a table. No, that wasn't him and she was definitely not his type. This was insanity. And entirely Mark's fault. Him and his stupid questions.

He stood starely and stared at his bed, immediatley embarassed. This wasn't possible. He was nearly twenty two years old. He was going to be a doctor. He dated women who had plans. He did not fuck freshman alcoholics who were dressed like schoolgirls. Damn Mark. Damn Mark and his suggestions.

He felt shaky and his head was swimming. Derek Shepherd who was always in control head was swimming. His hands shook as he moved to strip the bed. He had been over tired and that dream didn't help, that's why he didn't feel right. Over tired probably explained the dream, his brain wasn't working right. Too much studying and fighting and Mark.

And he hadn't eaten. That definitely explained the dream and the head swimming and the shaking. Not eating and over tired and over stressed tended to affect one's dreams. He sighed as he carried his sheets out to the hallway fully intent on taking them downstairs to wash them. But then there was Mark again. Fucking Mark.

He needed to get his own place. "Aren't you supposed to be studying?" he asked his roomate, surprised at how clear his voice was.

Mark shrugged. "Couldn't concentrate."

"Of course not," Derek sighed rolling his eyes.

"It's not my fault my room mate was jacking off so loud the entire fucking apartment complex could hear him," Mark frowned.

"What are you talking about?" Derek asked, his heart beat racing again. He couldn't have been that loud, it had been a dream. There was no way he had gotten that loud. Mark was just being a moron.

"I'm talking about you moaning so loudly I couldn't hear my fucking music," Mark said. "And apparently now you have laundry to do. Gross, man. At least do it in the shower."

Derek could feel his cheeks heat up as he blushed and was grateful that the only light was a dimmed lamp. "Sorry Mark," he said meekly, having no idea what else to say.  
Katie says:  
"You seriously need to get laid," Mark shook his head. "And you should fuck Meredith if you want her that bad."

"What does Meredith have to do with anything?" Derek asked, although he dreaded the answer.

"You only said her name fifty times, Shep," Mark grimaced. "Loudly too."

"This is your fault," Derek accused him. "If you'd stop talking about fucking her on the library table I wouldn't be having this problem. I don't want her, you're just messing with my head."

"Dude, you were the one jacking off," Mark shrugged. "How the fuck am I messing with your head?"

"Just shut up about Meredith, okay?" Derek pleaded with his long time friend.

"Dude, you weren't jacking off were you?" Mark grinned.

"Somehow I don't see how any of that would be any of your business," Derek sighed.

"Porn dream?" Mark asked, raising his eyebrows.

"None of your business," Derek groaned.

"Nice," Mark nodded appreciatively. "And you fucked her on the library table. That's not me, man. That's your subconscious or whatever. You want do screw your skanky freshman."

"I do not want to screw my skanky freshman," Derek argued, silently wondering how many times they'd have this argument before he finally shut up about it.

"Oh you do," Mark laughed. "The sheets in your hand prove that."

"It was a dream. Sex dreams rarely have anything to do with actual sex and represent something entirely different," Derek pointed out.

"Like what?" Mark rolled his eyes. "You want to fuck her, Shep. Just admit it and then do it. Maybe then you won't be so fucking intense and boring."

"Maybe I should introduce you to Meredith," Derek sighed. "So you can fuck her and forget thinking about me wanting to fuck her."

"Dude, I'll fuck her if you want," Mark shrugged. "But the dreams won't stop. Not until you've made her scream your name."

"She screams my name enough in anger," Derek laughed.

"You want to hear her moan and groan," Mark nodded. "You're so obvious, Shep. Now go clean your sheets and go find your skanky freshman. I have studying to do."

"I'm going back to bed," Derek sighed. Although he knew that was a lie. He was going to spend the rest of the night up studying. Because there was no way he was going to risk going back to bed to finish that dream. He didn't want to know the punishment for not doing her homework.

_I want to stitch my clothes in sin and in the dark, I want to find that door and go within_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: If we owned GA, we wouldn't be bitching about a hiatus. Because there wouldn't be a hiatus.**

Meredith stood in front of Derek's apartment complex, frowning as she looked at the sheet of paper. She was early this time, because he had freaked when she had been a few minutes late. So early today. Maybe he'd let her go early too, she had a party to go to tonight that she was definitely looking forward to. After winning the case of tequila, she was totally prepared for a fun night out.

It was weird coming to his apartment, but he had called saying something about the library being painted. Not that it really mattered. His apartment probably looked like a library...quiet, clean and full of books. That was Derek. There was no way she was about to enter some cool stylish bachelor's pad. A person who carried a day planner didn't live in a cool apartment.

She walked up the stairs and knocked on the door, wondering if there would be opera or some shit playing. Guys who carried day planners and didn't party listened to classical music. Instead, she heard The Clash, which wasn't exactly what she was expecting. And she definitely wasn't expecting Mark Sloan to open the door. "Hey, Mary," he grinned. "You finally ready to give in to the warm fuzzy feelings?"

"What are you doing here?" Meredith groaned.

"I live here," Mark grinned. "And you've come to finally admit you need to screw me. I get it."

"You live here? You're Derek's roommate?" Meredith asked, a little taken a back. But that definitely explained the cool music, as it definitely couldn't be Derek's.

"Unfortunately," Mark sighed. "Sorry about the shitty music. It's the only crap he listens to."

"Derek listens to The Clash? Derek Shepherd?" Meredith looked at Mark disbelievingly.

"Yeah," Mark frowned. "How the hell do you know my geekboy room mate, Mary?"

"He's my tutor," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And I'm here for a session."

"You're his naughty school girl?" Mark grinned.

"You are such an ass, Mark," Meredith sighed. "Where is he? I want to get this over with."

"Mark, who is it?" Derek came out of his bedroom, a towel around his waist and a towel in his hand as he dried his curly hair. Meredith stared at him, completely shocked by the man who stood before her. He had abs. He had an amazing chest. He had powerful shoulders. He was...Derek was hot.

"It's Mary," Mark shrugged, moving aside to finally let Meredith move into the apartement.

"Who the fuck is Mary?" Derek frowned, and then looked horrified when he saw Meredith. "Mer-uh, Ms. Grey, uh, Meredith. You're early."

"Yeah, well you flipped out when I was late so I figured I'd come early," Meredith sighed, looking around the apartment. She couldn't look at Derek, if she looked she would stare and quite possibly drool and that would be bad. Very bad.

"I'll leave you two crazy kids alone to do your, studying," Mark winked. "Remember, Shep, no glove..."

"Shut up," Derek said, not letting Mark finish the sentence.

"You coming to the party tonight, Mary?" Mark asked as he grabbed his coat.

"Meredith," she answered. "And of course."

"I'll see you there then," Mark nodded. "So will Shep. I'm dragging his pale ass out of here."

"You're not dragging me," Derek groaned. "I said I'd go. I volunteered to go."

"It was a bribe, man," Mark laughed. "And anyway, you're coming to the four day party next weekend too. I'll lock up your books."

"I am not going to a four day party," Derek shook his head.

"What four day party?" Meredith asked, her interest definitely piqued.

"Mark and his idiot friend are having a four day party," Derek groaned.

"And of course you're invited, Mary," Mark nodded. "As long as you promise me one thing."

"Do I want to know what?" Meredith asked, shooting Derek a quick worried look.

"You last all four days," Mark started, "you have to sleep with me. I think it's only fair as I am continuing to broaden your education."

"Seriously? You're idea of a prize is a date with your pickle?" Meredith grimaced causing Derek to laugh.

"Think about it, Mary," Mark grinned as he leaned forward to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, which caused Meredith to flinch and Derek to curl his fists into balls, ready to attack. "And go easy on Shep's pickle today."

"I am not even going near his pickle," Meredith groaned.

"Yeah, right," Mark laughed. "What chapter is next, Shep? Arousal?"

"I thought you were leaving," Derek said gesturing the door.

"I am," Mark nodded. "See you tonight, Mary."

"Not if I can help it," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Don't bother getting dressed, Shep," Mark grinned as he walked out the door. "And remember, bedside drawer!"

"Sorry for the idiot I live with," Derek smiled to Meredith.

"It's fine," Meredith shrugged, averting her eyes from his chest that still had droplets of water on it. "Uh, I, uh, sorry I was early."

"It's okay," Derek nodded. "I should..umm...I'm just going to go throw some clothes on."

"Yeah," Meredith giggled nervously. "I, uh, finished the diagram and uh, yeah. You. Get dressed. I'll uh, sit. Here. Right."

"Sounds, ummm...good," Derek said, turning around and heading to his bedroom. He hadn't been expecting Meredith for another fifteen minutes but still, going to the door in only his towel has probably not been the best idea. Not after that dream he had had that he still hadn't managed to get out of his mind.

He got dressed quickly, wishing the slight erection he had would go away. Anytime he thought about Meredith, or closed his eyes to go to sleep, he would see her again in the short skirt and no panties, begging for punishment. It had led to him not sleeping much the past few days. And now, here she was. Dressed for a party, it seemed. Tight jeans, a black low cut t-shirt that showed just a hint of her flat stomach and a lot of cleavage.

When Stanton had asked him to tutor a first year he had pictures a chubby slightly slow kid who had just got through to Dartmouth by some miracle. Not an infuriating beautiful party girl. Today was going to be impossible to keep his mind on the parts of the brain. He hated her, he couldn't stand her, but that didn't stop his body from reacting to her. He ran his fingers through his damp hair and took a deep breath. He had to calm down. And he had to get the image of fucking her on a table out of his mind. She was Meredith. The snobby stuck up drunken slut of a party girl who hadn't even opened her book. He needed to just calm down.

Taking a deep breath he headed back towards the living room. He could get through this, it wouldn't be a problem. She'd probably be gone within half an hour anyway. "Want something to drink?" he offered.

"Sure," she shrugged. "So...the Clash? Seriously?"

"Seriously," Derek nodded. "What's wrong with the Clash?"

"Nothing," she shrugged. "You just...I don't know...I thought...um. I just thought."

"You thought I was a complete loser?" Derek asked, laughing.

"Uh, yeah," Meredith giggled a little. "I thought there'd be Mozart or something."

"Wow," Derek laughed. "You have that low of opinion of me?"

"Well, you are a dork," Meredith shrugged. "I just thought...with the day planner and everything."

"Meredith, just because I'm not as cool as you, doesn't mean I listen to Mozart," Derek groaned.

"Whatever," Meredith shrugged. "So, uh, here's the diagram." She handed it to him quickly, averting her eyes.

"Oh yeah...umm..." Derek cleared his throat and looking at it. "Good job. Glad you got it done."

"Of course I got it done," Meredith shrugged. "It was easy."

"I know," Derek nodded. "It's just...I um...I thought you might blow it off."

"Well, I didn't," Meredith stated. "So, let's sit down and get this over with."

The flowery smell that she always carried whifted through his nose as she moved past him to take a spot on the couch. "Yeah," he nodded. "Umm...all we have is beer. Is that okay?"

"You're going to let me drink while we're studying?" she raised her eyebrows.

"It's just a beer," Derek shrugged. "I usually have one when I study."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked.

"Seriously," Derek nodded.

"So you drink?" Meredith said slowly. "I mean, you actually have alcohol and you listen to The Clash?"

"Yes, Meredith," Derek nodded, sitting down beside her. "I do function. I have a life outside books."

"And you live with Mark Sloan," Meredith nodded. "Manwhore extraordinaire?"

Derek laughed and took a sip of his beer. "He's been my best friend as long as I can remember. He's an idiot but he's my brother."

"Seriously?" Meredith stared at him. "Seriously. Mark Sloan is your brother? You're best friends? Mark, Mark has fun."

"I have fun," Derek frowned. "Maybe not a lot of fun right now, but I do have fun."

Meredith pulled her book out of her book bag and opened it. Derek was amazed when he saw that she had highlighted things, actually highlighted them and made notes in the margins. "Studying is not fun, Derek."

"No, it's definitely not," he smiled. "But if you're serious about your future it's kind of a necessary evil. Even the great Mark Sloan studies."

"Mark studies?" she giggled. "I mean, besides female anatomy, he studies?"

"He studies," Derek nodded. "He somehow fits in getting good grades around all the drinking and the women."

"Wow," she sighed. "So we should do this. Um, what are we going to do?" she asked, turning to look at him, their lips just inches apart.

Derek felt transfixed, he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe. He quickly blinked, hoping that would help and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. That damn image of her spread out on the table was back in his mind. "Oh ummm..." he cleared his throat. "You read chapter one?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "The areas of the brain and its functions."

"Good, good," he nodded shifting some more, trying to ignore the beginning of arousal he was feeling. "Do you...is there anything you didn't understand?"

"No," she shrugged. "It was pretty self-explanatory. It was a fast read. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered quickly.

"You sure?" she giggled. "You're moving a lot."

"Just umm...this couch isn't comfortable," he answered, pretending to stare at the book.

"Do you want to move to the table?" she asked.

"Table might be good," he nodded, quickly standing up. "We should probably do the second chapter today."

"Okay," she nodded, picking up her book and heading to the table, walking quickly in front of her. He found himself staring at the way she moved, the way her body moved so fluidly. And then he watched as she put her book down on the table, and that damn image of her spread out on the library table flashed in front of his eyes.

She seemed completely oblivious. "So have you...did you look at the second chapter?" Derek asked taking a spot on the opposite side of the table. He didn't need to smell that damn floral scent.

"Sorta," she shrugged. "Behavior and the brain, right? A basic introduction."

"Yep," Derek nodded, taking a gulp of beer.

"I looked at chapter three too," she nodded. "I uh, don't know if that's okay."

"That's great, Mer," Derek smiled gently, temporarily forgetting about her spread out on the table.

"It's actually kind of interesting," she shrugged. "I mean, the way our chemicals make us behave in certain ways. Makes you look at sex a little differently."

Derek choked slightly on the beer he was swallowing. Sex. She had to bring up sex, which is all he had been thinking of. Of course she was right, it was all about chemicals. That was what was wrong with his thoughts. Nothing to do with her or him. Mark was right, he needed a good fuck. And not with Meredith. "Yeah, sex, yeah."

"I mean, you think it's just about seeing a hot guy," she continued, "but there's actually a whole explanation for it. The way our body picks up on the fact that we're around a hot guy, or I guess a girl in your case."

"Yeah," Derek choked. That's all that was going on anyway. His body was picking up on the fact he was around an undeniably hot girl. That was showing far too much cleavage. That's all.

"Are you okay?" she asked again.

"Yeah," Derek nodded again. "Just...didn't get much sleep this week. Studying."

"You look...flushed," Meredith continued. "Are you sick?"

"No, no" Derek shook his head quickly. He suddenly stood up and headed towards a window, opening it wide. "It's warm in here."

"It's fine," she sighed. "Derek, it's the middle of October."

"I can close it if you want," Derek offered.

"It is a little cold," she admitted and then moved to sit in the chair next to his.

"You might not be as cold if you bothered dressing properly," Derek said. He didn't mean to be rude to her. They had been getting along fine and he didn't mean to be rude. But his one head wasn't getting enough blood or something.

"What?" Meredith stared at him. "What the hell did you just say?"

"You're showing a lot of skin for a cold fall day," Derek shrugged. A lot of beautifully white creamy skin.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Meredith frowned. "I did my fucking homework, I came early. What else do you want from me, damn it?"

Sex. Lots of hot sex on the table, ran through Derek's mind. "Nothing, Meredith. Just for you to actually take yourself seriously," he sighed.

"I fucking read through to chapter three!" she stood up. "I am taking myself seriously. So what if I'm wearing a low cut shirt! What do you want me to wear? A turtleneck and a long skirt?"

"Meredith, you just can't show up for tutoring sessions dressed like that," Derek said through clenched teeth as he moved to stand up. "You wouldn't go to class wearing that shirt."

"Maybe I would," Meredith shrugged. "And what does it matter to you? You're not looking at my clothes."

"Of course I'm not looking at your clothes," Derek responded quickly. "I'd just rather you dress with some class and not like some slut."

"Seriously?" Meredith yelled at him. "Seriously? Fuck you, Derek. You think you're so damn high and mighty. I'll wear whatever I want. You're not my father!"

"Meredith!" Derek shouted. "It's just that shirt...it's distracting."

"Distracting?" Meredith laughed. "What, you're distracted by it? You're looking at my chest?"

"No!" Derek said quickly. "But I do happen to be a guy, and you're a girl. Things are distracting."

"So you are looking at my chest?" she asked, her voice quieting.

"Not because I want to," Derek slightly admitted.

"You're checking me out?" she said softly.

Derek sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Mer, you're not exactly ugly."

"This is...uh," she suddenly crossed her arms over her chest, which only served to make her cleavage more prominent. "This is...um, maybe I should go..."

"Might be a good idea," Derek smiled sadly. "I'm sorry I...I shouldn't have made those comments."

She stared at him for a second, her arms still crossed over her chest. Her mouth deepening into a frown. "I, you can't, we can't," she shook her head. "Do you really think? I mean...I'm going to go. Now."

"Meredith, it's okay. I'm sorry," Derek sighed. He definitely hadn't meant to make her feel as awkward as he did.

"I'll, uh, call you," she said, turning to grab her book.

"I'll see you at the party tonight," Derek reminded her.

"Yeah," she nodded, and then turned to look at him, her book pressed up against her chest. "Derek, I'm not...I..."

"What?" Derek asked. smiling slightly at her rambling.

"I," and then suddenly she crushed her lips against his, dropping the book to the floor as her hands moved up to his curls, pulling his head down to her as her tongue slipped into his mouth.

Derek was completely shocked by the kiss but his body immediately reacted as he wrapped his arms around her and puller her closer, letting her cleavage press up against him. He slightly moaned into her mouth as their tongues tangled together. She moved him against the wall, her hands moving to the hem of his shirt, moaning into his mouth as he turned her and pinned her against the wall, his erection pressing into her as he moaned her name.

Their lips pressed hard against each other, enjoying the way each other tasted. The flowery smell filled Derek's head and he briefly thought about asking her what is was but then she nipped at his tongue and all thoughts stopped.

Suddenly, a cell phone ringing broke them up and Meredith pulled away. Derek panted as he tried to think about whose cell phone it was, and then he realized it was his own. "Shit," he muttered, moving to his desk. "Hello," he said, breathing heavily into the phone as he looked at Meredith. She looked as shaken as he felt. And terrified.

"Hi, Derek, honey," his mom said loudly into the phone. "How are you? Did you just get back from running?" He sighed as he turned towards the desk.

"Yeah," Derek answered, because he definitely wasn't about to tell his mom why he was out of breath.

"Markie says you're so busy these days," she sighed. "Are you coming home for fall break?" He ran his hands through his hair and turned to look apologetically at Meredith, who was picking the book up off the floor.

"I don't know, Mom," he sighed. "It's going to depend on what my schedule looks like between studying and tutoring."

"Tutoring?" she asked. "Who are you tutoring? And do you have time for that honey?" He watched Meredith gather her things and then move to the door, panic in her eyes.

Hold up, he mouthed to her. "A first year, Mom. And yeah I have time for her," Derek answered.

Meredith shook her head quickly as she opened the door. "Derek, your studies are very important."

"I know that Mom," Derek groaned, while trying to gesture for Meredith to stay. They definitely needed to talk. "She's not taking too much of my time at all."

He watched as she ran out, closing the door quickly behind her. "How's Markie doing?"

"He's Mark, Mom," he groaned into the phone. So much for talking.

_And then I looked up at then sun, and I could see, All the way that gravity turns on you and me_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy Derek would be getting a spin off. It would be called Shepherd's Anatomy and he would naked all the time. But don't worry, he'd still be on Grey's.**

Drinking, there would definitely have to be a lot of drinking tonight. Tons of drinking tonight. Insane amount of drinking tonight. Meredith assumed what had just happened in Derek's apartement was possibly the world's best excuse for drinking. Because she had kissed her tutor. Her dorky tutor. Derek the Dork. She had kissed a man with a day planner. And she had liked it.

She hadn't only liked it, she had enjoyed it immensely. The thought had even crossed her mind that she wouldn't mind kissing him forever. Forever. She couldn't believe it. She had thought about something in the future with one guy. Meredith Grey did not just date one guy. And definitely not forever. He must have done something to the beer, because that kiss, that kiss was amazing. And dorks didn't kiss like that.

So lots of drinking tonight. Tonight was begging for drinking. Meredith was beyond grateful that she had a case of tequila and was seriously contemplating drinking it all. Because tonight was party night. Except for thanks to Mark it was party night with Derek Shepherd. Derek and his dark curls and piercing blue eyes and warm smile. Derek with the day planner, she had to concentrate on the day planner.

Except Derek drank while studying. And listened to The Clash. And she had seen a leather jacket sitting on the couch that hadn't been Mark's. Derek had a day planner but he listened to The Clash. Derek had a day planner but drank while he was studying. Derek had a day planner but had kissed her so hard she had nearly orgasmed on the spot. Derek had a day planner but they probably would have had sex if his mom hadn't called.

This was not supposed to be happening. She was supposed to hate Derek, entirely completely hate Derek. He wasn't supposed to be anything about the dorky guy that tutored her, the one that gave her hell. But he was...different. He wasn't what he was supposed to be. And she couldn't get that damn kiss out of her head. So tequila. Lots of tequila.

"Meredith," Cristina's voice suddenly cut into her thoughts. "Meredith. Earth to Meredith."

"What?" Meredith stopped. "I was listening, definitely. I'm fine."

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Cristina frowned. "I ask you if I can borrow your grey top and you're in fucking fantasty land."

"Nothing's the matter, everything's fine," Meredith shook her head quickly. "You can borrow it."

"What the hell did you do?" Cristina asked, a hand on her hip.

"What makes you think I did something?" Meredith argued.

"Spit it out, Mer," Cristina didn't directly answer her. "You did something. You have the look on your face. The oh fuck what have I done look."

"I didn't do anything," Meredith said.

"Meredith," Cristina frowned.

"Fine," Meredith sighed. "I kissed Derek."

"You kissed McDreamy?" Cristina stared at her.

"I was having a bad day," she grumbled.

"So you kiss McDreamy whenever you have a bad day?" Cristina pulled on the grey top.

"I guess," Meredith shrugged. "He has a day planner, Cristina."

"Was he good?" Cristina asked. "Cause he looks like he'd be good."

"No, Cristina, the man carries a day planner, he was bad. It was bad. Everything...it was just bad," Meredith responded.

"You're such a liar," Cristina shrugged as she pulled on a pair of boots.

"Crisitna the man is a dork. He's not supposed to be able to kiss like that. He's not supposed to be able to curl my toes and make me moan," Meredith shrugged.

"Woah, woah," Cristina paused. "You fucked him?"

"No!" Meredith shouted. "I didn't fuck him. There was kissing. We stopped at the kissing."

"Then how do you know he'll make your toes curl?" Cristina asked. "And why the hell did you stop?"

"His mom called," Meredith sighed. "And trust me, I know."

"His mom called?" Cristina frowned. "He's a momma's boy?"

"Probably," Meredith moaned. "Although he looked less than thrilled over the phone call."

"Probably because he wanted to fuck you," Cristina pointed out.

"He did not want to fuck me," Meredith complained, ignoring the distinct memory of his erection pressed against her. "It was a mistake. A complete total mistake. Kissing him was stupid. It was beyond stupid. And it's definitely not happening again."

Cristina stared at her for a second and then shook her head. "You're pathetic, Mer," she sighed. "You totally want him."

"I do not want him," Meredith shook her head. "The last thing I want is a man that carries a day planner even if he kisses like a sex god. No wanting here. Actually I do want. Tequila. Lots of tequila. Are you ready to go or what?"

"I've been waiting for you," Cristina said as she grabbed her leather jacket.

"Well then, let's get out of here," Meredith groaned.

They walked to the frat house where the party was taking place, Meredith's head still reeling with everything that had happened today. She had kissed her tutor. She had almost screwed Derek the Dork. He had definitely wanted to, that much was obvious. And now she was going to a party that he would be at. A party they would have to see each other. God, she needed a drink.

And she needed to avoid Derek. He wouldn't last long anway, probably just long enough to make Mark shut up and then he'd be gone. Simple as that. And she was used to avoiding Mark at parties, so avoidng Derek would just go hand and hand. Tonight would be fine. She would drink and forget all about wanting to screw anyone with a name sounding anything like Derek.

Derek stared at the huge number of people dancing to ridiculously loud music in front of him. This was the reason he hated parties. The loud rap music. The dancing in public. The number of drunken girls who thought throwing on him was a good greeting and pick up line. He hated parties. Hated them. And yet today, today he was grateful to be at a party.

Because being at a party meant he wasn't in his room staring at his book and pretending to study when he couldn't get his mind off the wonderful way Meredith's lips had felt and the wonderful way she tasted. Sitting at home and thinking about that would just lead to more dreams. And he didn't need dreams. He didn't need Meredith. But he definitely should talk to her.

They had to talk about what had happened. Because one second they were fighting and the next Meredith was kissing him, and her hands were trying to take off his t-shirt and he was moaning into her mouth. It was obvious there was talking to be done. What were they going to do now? But Meredith had avoided it all, she had left. And now, he was at a party, a beer in his hand. He needed something stronger

"Mark, how about we go grab something else?" he sighed, looing at the beer in his friends hand.

"Sure," Mark nodded. "I saw some whiskey in there."

"Whiskey, I definitely could use whiskey," Derek groaned.

They went into the kitchen where a girl in a short skirt stood, pouring drinks. "Hey handsome," she smiled at Derek. "What can I get for you?"

"Whiskey, I need whiskey," Derek pleaded.

"Sure thing," she smiled as she poured his drink, handing it to him. "I haven't seen you around here. I'm Melody."

"Derek," he introduced himself.

"Derek," she smiled lightly and he smiled back at her. Because this was good. Flirting with a random girl was good. Because if he wasn't flirting with a random girl, he'd be thinking of Meredith. And he didn't need to think of Meredith. Meredith was bad. "I'll see you later, Derek?"

"Definitely," he smiled, hoping that it could be true. Fucking Melody might be the best idea, completely get his mind of Meredith and that kiss. He would fuck another girl senseless and it would be like the kiss never even happened.

"She wanted your ass," Mark grinned as they walked out of the kitchen, with plastic cups filled with whiskey.

"She did," Derek agreed, nodded and smiling.

"Mary!" Mark suddenly grinned at the door, and Derek's eyes followed his grin. Christ. Meredith.

Meredith rolled her eyes at the two of them and walked towards the kitchen. "Why do you call her Mary?" Derek asked him.

"Because that's her name," Mark shrugged.

"No it's not," Derek argued, looking confused.

"Dude, her name is Mary," Mark insisted as he took a sip of his drink.

"It's Meredith," Derek sighed. "I'm tutoring her, I know her name." And how she tastes. Which was exactly what he wasn't supposed to be thinking about. Damn kiss.

"Mary," Mark said firmly.

"Meredith," Derek said just as firmly.

"Derek, just because you want to fuck her doesn't mean her name is Meredith," Mark frowned.

"I don't want to fuck her," Derek snapped.

"Her name is Mary," Mark grinned. "And if you don't want to fuck her, I'll fuck her. Tonight."

"Meredith. And you are definitely not fucking her," Derek warned.

"Why not?" Mark laughed. "You don't want her. That makes her fair game."

"She's not fair game. She doesn't even want you," Derek groaned.

"Everyone wants me," Mark rolled his eyes. "And you get Melody. I get Mary. We both go home happy."

"Meredith and you don't get her. And she definitely doesn't want you," Derek sighed.

"Dude, why are so damn possessive of her?" Mark asked.

"I'm not," Derek rolled his eyes. "But she's had a hard time, she's just starting to figure this college thing out. She doesn't need anyone fucking it up."

"I'm not fucking it up," Mark stated. "I'm helping her out. I can tutor her on the college thing."

"She doesn't need that kind of tutoring, Mark," Derek argued.

"You may be right," Mark nodded. "Looks like Mary's already got it down. Look at her with Jared."

"Jared?" Derek spun around to find where Meredith was standing. Mark's friend Jared leaned over her, obviously putting on the moves. And Meredith looked less than pleased. She looked annoyed and angry. She definitely didn't want Jared. "She doesn't look that pleased."

"Jared couldn't get Mary in bed if he tried," Mark laughed.

"He's not letting up," Derek sighed, watching Meredith squirm uncomfortably.

"Poor guy," Mark shook his head. "Can't take no for an answer."

"Reminds me of someone I know," Derek laughed, fighting the concern he was feeling for Meredith. "Shouldn't somebody help her out?"

"She's fine, Shep," Mark shrugged, his eyes turning towards a blonde that was walking by him. "Mary can protect herself."

"She looks uncomfortable," Derek complained.

Derek watched as Jared reached down and put his hand on Meredith's ass, and the way Meredith moved away, a frown on her face. But Jared was insistent and Derek frowned just as Mark gave him a look. "What the hell man? Mary's fine. Trust me. She can handle her own."

"Someone should watch out for her," Derek frowned.

"Shep, speaking as the guy who Mary is usually telling to fuck off, she's good watching out for herself."

"She shouldn't have to, someone should help her out," Derek sighed. "She doesn't need guys harassing her."

His eyes were glued to Meredith as Jared leaned down to kiss her and Meredith pulled away, but Jared pulled her close, one hand on her ass, the other holding her hair as he kissed her hard. "Seriously!" Meredith screamed, backing away from him. "Leave me the fuck alone!"

"I'm going in," Derek growled. "No guy should treat her that way."

"Shep!" Mark groaned, trying to grab his arm as he walked towards Meredith, who was now having her arm grabbed by a very drunk Jared.

"Jared!" Derek barked approaching the two. "Get off her!"

Jared stepped away from Meredith, though his hand was still firmly wrapped around her little arm. "Shep!" he grinned drunkenly. "Good to see you, man!"

"Great to see you too," Derek growled. "I believe Meredith told you to leave her the hell alone."

"Awww, she's just playing a little, aren't ya, Mer?" Jared grinned at her, moving into kiss her lips.

Meredith winced and rolled her eyes, pulling away. "Jared, don't be an ass," Derek groaned.

"We're just having some fun, Shep," Jared shrugged. "Wanna come up to bed with me, babe?" His hand traveled down to Meredith's ass, giving it a tight squeeze.

"No," Meredith said quickly, trying to pull out of his grasp.

"Come on, babe," he pulled her arm a little more forcefully.

"Jared, leave her alone," Derek spat.

"Leave it, Shepherd," Jared growled before turning back to Meredith. "Let's go, baby."

"She doesn't want to go. What part of no do you not understand," Derek said, grabbing Meredith's other arm gently.

"Derek," Meredith groaned as he and Jared began a slight tug of war game.

"Jared let her go," Derek growled. "She's not interested. And not available."

"Not available?" Jared and Meredith said at the same time.

"Not available," Derek repeated. "Let her go."

"What, Shepherd, are you fucking her?" Jared asked as he pushed Meredith away from him. She stumbled a little and nearly fell before Derek caught her.

"No, I'm not fucking her. And she's not fucking you," Derek said, holding Meredith close to him.

"Whatever," Jared frowned. "I didn't want to fuck her skanky ass anyway." He turned and marched away.

Derek sighed and shook his head. He had made the same comment about Meredith but it didn't seem right when someone else said it. "You okay?"

"I can't believe you!" Meredith hissed as she turned on her heel and started running outside.

"What? What the hell is wrong?" Derek asked, following close after her.

"What the fuck was that, Derek?" she growled as they pushed past a crowd of people before stepping out onto the lawn.

"I was helping you out," Derek exclaimed.

"I don't need your help!" she stared at him. "I was fine!"

"You didn't look fine," Derek argued.

"You know, just because we kissed doesn't mean I'm not fucking available!" she yelled. "I was fine. I could handle him."

"You didn't look like you were fine," Derek shouted. "And I know you're fucking available. I was helping!"

"I don't need your help! I don't need you to be my knight in shining whatever!" she glared at him, her chest heaving in anger.

"I'm sorry, Mer! I just...I don't want to see you get hurt," Derek urged.

"I wasn't going to get hurt," she frowned. "You know what? Just leave me the fuck alone."

"Meredith!" Derek said, grabbing her arm. "Please, I didn't mean to piss you off."

"I'll see you Monday," she said firmly as she pulled away from him.

"Meredith! Don't do this," Derek sighed.

"Leave me alone, Mr. Shepherd," she snapped, walking away from him quickly. "You're my tutor, that's it."

Derek sighed heavily. For once he hadn't meant to piss her off, to start a fight and yet somehow that had entirely backfired on him. And that Mr. Shepherd thing wasn't nearly as hot as it was in his dream.

_I used to move you in a way that you never known, but then I accused you in a way that you never known, but then you hurt me in a way that I never known._


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy, the next episode will start off with Meredith and Derek in bed together, having awesome amazing sex. We officially have a week until you know whether or not we own Grey's.**

Derek groaned as he stared at his watch again for the third time in ten minutes. Actually, forty minutes. Meredith was forty minutes late. And Dr. Stanton had told him that Meredith hadn't been in class that morning. This was the kind of thing that pissed Derek off. Her being late. Her skipping class. What the hell was the matter with her? Why did she act like this?

Meredith Grey was a complete puzzle. One second she'd be giggling and adorable and sexy. And she had this ability to be a completely great student and she obviously had some brains. And yet then she would pull this stunt, and morph into the bratty alcoholic slut he had assumed her to be. He got the not knowing your place at the beginning of school, but she pushed limits.

He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair, frowning as his cell phone rang. Melody. Again. He wasn't used to the one night stand thing, and apparently giving the girl his phone number after a night of drunken sex was the wrong move. Because she kept calling. He ignored the call and drummed his fingers against the table. If she didn't show up in the next twenty minutes, he was gone.

Suddenly she appeared. Wearing an oversized sweatshirt. Over a turtle neck. She looked like she had just jumped out of the shower and nothing like the sex kitten that he had tutored days before. "You're late," he pointed out, raising one eyebrow at her.

"Whatever," she shrugged. "Am I properly attired this time, Mr. Shepherd?"

"Meredith," he groaned. "I apologized about last time."

"Save it, Shepherd," she frowned as she threw the book on the table, causing it to shake. "Let's just get this over with."

"You didn't go to class this morning," Derek sighed.

"So," she shrugged again. "Didn't feel like going." She opened her purse and took out a bottle of aspirin, grabbing three and downing them with water.

"Because you were hung over. Again," Derek said, frustration making his voice sharp.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I also slept with some random guy. Does that make me a cheap tramp who can't protect herself?"

"Meredith, Jared was obviously harassing you. I was just trying to be a friend," Derek groaned.

"You're not my friend," she stated sharply as she put her head down on the table. "You're a fucking freak and my fucking tutor. So tutor me so I can get back into bed."

"So today I get bitchy Meredith, I get it," Derek sighed. "Did you read the chapter?"

"No."

"Meredith, I can't do all the work," Derek sighed.

"Yeah, well, I try to do all the work last time and you called me a slut," she shrugged. "I wondered what would happen this time."

"I did not call you a slut," Derek groaned.

"Oh, right, you said I dressed like one," Meredith nodded. "That I needed more class. And then you tongue raped me."

"You kissed me," Derek argued.

"And you practically humped my leg," Meredith continued. "Apparently you don't mind tongue raping tramps."

"You kissed me," Derek said, sharper this time.

"Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And then you fucked up the party for me."

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you wanted to sleep with that ass. My mistake," Derek shrugged.

"Who I want to sleep with or not is my own business," she said firmly, looking straight at him. "Now are you going to tutor me or can I go home and sleep?"

"I'd love to tutor you," Derek groaned. "But that might be hard as you have no idea what the fuck is going on."

"Then why the hell am I even here?" she asked as she started to get up.

"I don't know," he responded, getting up as well. "You might want to consider doing work for once in your life."

"And you might want to consider not being an ass for once in your life," she got into his face. "And maybe leaving me the hell alone."

"I'd love to leave you the hell alone, but until you're passing this class that's not an option," he bit right back, not backing down.

She stared at him for a minute and then threw her book back down, sitting down firmly. "If you're such a rockstar, then make me pass it," she challenged him.

"I can't make you do anything," he shook his head.

"The hell you can't," she said firmly. "I want to get rid of you. And I have to be around your dorky annoying ass. Make me pass this class, Shepherd."

"Than you have to read the fucking book, Grey," he responded smiling.

"I've read the entire fucking thing already," she snapped.

"You what?" he asked, staring at her.

"I read it," she repeated and then threw the book open, flipping through the many highlighted pages.

"The entire book?" Derek asked, completely confused.

"Yes the entire fucking book," she replied.

"When? How? What?" Derek asked, flipping through every page. And sure enough the entire thing was high lighted.

"Last week, off and on," she shrugged. "I finished it yesterday before I went out."

"Why did you say you didn't read it when I asked?" he questioned.

"Because I hadn't read the chapter since last week," she shrugged. "I'm not sure how much I remember."

"But you read the whole thing," he breathed, forgetting to be angry at her. "I'm impressed."

"It's not a big deal," she murmured quietly and then brought a binder out of her a bag. "Here are the notes I took. Things I have questions about."

"Wow, Mer," Derek breathed out. "Amazing."

"You sound like you're getting blown, Shepherd," she frowned. "It's just notes."

Derek laughed softly. "We can work with this Mer. Look through the notes, see where your problems were. You can definitely pass."

"Of course I can," she sighed. "But I, uh, I, don't...never mind."

"What, Mer? You can tell me," Derek gently urged.

"It's nothing," she shook her head and then reached to take off her sweatshirt, pulling it over her head. "The turtleneck isn't too distracting, is it? Should I keep the sweatshirt on?"

"Mer...I really am sorry for saying those things. You're not a slut," Derek sighed.

She shrugged. "Maybe I am."

Derek looked at her concerned and gently squeezed her shoulder. "No, you're not."

"I can't do this," she shook her head. "I can't..."

"Mer, what is it? What's wrong?" Derek asked.

"Nothing," she shook her head quickly. "I, uh, I'm not feeling well. Can, we, uh, can we cut this short today? I know I was late and I know we haven't actually done anything but I'm really not feeling well. And I think I should just go back to my dorm and sleep. And you can tell Dr. Stanton that I'm a terrible student who deserves to be kicked out. But I want to go. Can I please go?"

Derek sighed. "You can go, and I'm not telling Dr. Stanton to kick you out. But you're going to have homework."

"What kind of homework?" she sighed, her head in her hands, her small shoulders shaking a little bit.

"Write a paper on the chemical involved in memory and how the chemistry is affected during amnesia. It's covered in chapter five," he sighed.

"How long?" she asked.

"I don't know," Derek shrugged. "Five pages."

"Complete with bibliography?" she asked and then frowned when her cell phone started ringing. She pulled it out and immediately frowned, her eyes filling with tears.

"Mer?" Derek asked, reaching out and gently grabbing her arm.

"It's just my...I have to take this," she sighed, standing. "I'll have it done for you. See you later."

"Mer, you can talk to me. You know that, right?" he offered.

"You wouldn't get it, Derek," she shook her head. And then opened her phone. "Hello?"

He didn't get her. At all. She read a text book, an entire text book in a week with notes. But she was nearly flunking out of college. And whoever had been on the phone obviously hadn't been someone she had wanted to talk to. Derek was supposed to hate her. She was just some brat taking away from his studying time, but he couldn't help but wonder who she really was. And want to fix her.

_"Give me that strange relationship, never felt pleasure or pain like this, something feels so right and then feels so terribly wrong, and I'm already gone."_


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy today would be Thursday. And tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. You get the picture.**

Meredith Grey was amazing. She was brilliant and amazing. Derek had read the paper too many times to count and now he sat in the library waiting for her and reading it again. He was in awe, complete awe. There was no way his papers had been this good in first year. This probably out did was he could write now. Meredith was beyond anything he could have expected.

The paper was exceptional. The writing, the argments, the MLA format. This was the sort of paper his professors drooled over. At first, he had thought Mer had plagarized it after he had gotten it in his e-mail. But after running it through several plagarism detection sources, and coming up empty, he realized this was Meredith. And Meredith was a bigger mystery than he had ever thought.

She didn't need a tutor, she definitely didn't need him to be her tutor. Meredith wasn't an idiot, she wasn't stupid. She wasn't even lazy. She had just gotten her priorities messed up and was making a mess of things. But she definitely wasn't stupid. She made him feel stupid.

"Der?" she murmured as she came to the table, this time wearing a v-neck lavender sweater and loose jeans, her blond hair wavy against her shoulders.

"Hey!" he smiled, leaning forward in his seat to greet her. He wanted to jump up and hug her. He didn't even know why but he did.

"Uh, hey," she cocked her head to the side as she sat down. "Mark didn't get you stoned, did he?"

Derek laughed good naturedly. "No, he didn't," he sighed. "I was just reading your paper. Again."

"Oh," she frowned. "That bad?"  
I  
"What? Bad? Mer it's amazing," Derek breathed.

"It-it is?" she stammered, staring at me.

"Mer, it's the perfect paper. I would have died to write this well in first year," Derek smiled.

"Oh," she breathed. "Oh."

"You don't need me," Derek shook his head, trying to fight the strange feeling of dissapointment that had wound it's way into his stomach. "You definitely don't need me."

"What?" Meredith stared at him. "That's ridiculous. Of course I need you. I mean, I'm failing. I'm failing Dr. Stanton's class and you were his star pupil which means I definitely need you. Not need you, need you, but need a tutor. And you're my tutor. So definitely need you. Because you're the tutor and I need a tutor."

Derek shook his head again. "No you don't," he said gently, tilting his head to the side. "You just need to apply yourself, Mer. The brains are there, they are definitely there."

She looked down at her hands that she was wringing nervously. "N-no," she stammered quietly. "I'm just...I'm not...I'm not anything special."

Derek sighed and grabbed on her hands in his own, surprised at the warmth he found there and how comfortably they fit together. "Yeah, Mer, you are."

"Ordinary," she shrugged. "Totally ordinary. And she's right. I mean, look at me. I party and get drunk and sleep around. And I'll never make it into med school. Which is fine, because, well, fuck her and her medical school bullshit."

Derek looked at her, completely confused but even more intrigued. "Meredith, who is she?"

"What?" Meredith looked up at him and then pulled her hand away. "No one. So what'd I get on the paper? And what are we doing today?"

"Mer, there is no way I'm grading this paper," Derek shook his head. "And as I said, you don't need me. So we can do whatever you want. Personally I vote we talk about whoever she is."

"Why won't you grade it?" she frowned. "I thought you were grading it."

"Fine. You got a hundred," Derek sighed. "Is it your mom?"

"Wait, seriously?" Mer stared at me.

"Seriously what?" Derek asked, steeping his eyebrows in confussion.

"A hundred?" she said. "Seriously? Seriously."

"Seriously," Derek nodded. "So is it your mom?"

She frowned. "Why does it matter so much to you?" she asked.

Derek sighed. "You have tons of potential, Mer. Tons. And you're throwing it away for drinking and a couple of good fucks."

"So," Mer shrugged. "I mean, it happens. And I don't have that much potential." She bit her bottom lip and then then looked up at him, her eyes searching his own and then finally sighed. "And yes, it's my mom."

"Thought so," Derek smiled. "Want to talk about it?"

She shrugged. "You wouldn't get it."

"Try me," Derek shrugged.

"Derek, you're that guy with the perfect family," she sighed. "The mom who calls every day to check up on you, the dad who probably took you to all the baseball games. You're that guy who just wouldn't get it."

Derek shook his head. "Dr. Michael Shepherd. And don't even try to pretend you don't know who he is. Anyone who wants to be a neurosurgeon knows who he is."

Meredith stared at him. "You're dad...seriously?"

"Seriously," Derek nodded. "And he never watched any of my baseball games."

"But, he, he was...he...I'm sorry," she said softly. "I heard...he died. A couple years ago.'

Derek frowned and nodded slowly. "It was hard. Mark and I took time off to take care of the family."

"Mark?" she frowned. "What did Mark have to do with anything? You weren't serious when you said he was your brother, were you?"

Derek laughed. "By blood, no. But we grew up together. He's family. If you ever hear him talk about his mom...that's my mom."

She nodded carefully. "But your dad...he loved you. I mean, you're here. And you're normal. And I bet he loved you."

"Honestly," Derek sighed. "I don't know. According to Mom he did, but he never did anything to show it. Me being here has nothing to do with him. Me being here is a miracle."

"I bet he was proud," Meredith insisted. "At least you had that. My mom...my mom said I'd never make it. And she's right."

"You'll make it," Derek nodded. "We're not that different, Mer. My dad...he didn't ever out right say I wouldn't make it. But he also never encouraged me, he never told me I'd be great or anything. I have no idea if he was proud."

Meredith smiled softly. "My mom says the greats of the world never show weakness. She said she heard that once from your dad."

Derek laughed bitterly. "So your problems are partially my dad's fault. Figures," he sighed. "My dad was wrong."

"Derek?" she sighed, biting her bottom lip as she started wringing her hands again.

"Yeah?" he asked, reaching over and grabbing her hand again.

"Did you ever hate him?" she asked softly. "Cause sometimes I...I think terrible things. I hate her. And sometimes, I wish. I wish things that are bad. Really bad."

"I hated him. He...usually I found myself hating him on my sisters' behalf but I hated him. I wished things too," Derek answered. "Part of me was grateful when he died, how horrible is that?"

"Not so horrible," Meredith shrugged. "How many sisters do you have?"

"Four," Derek answered smiling. "My mom loves kids."

She giggled a little. "How'd your dad handle that? My mom, she's never said it, but I can tell she wishes she had never had me. Because the greats shouldn't have to worry about families."

"My dad was never home really," Derek sighed. "My mom raised us. And...I think my dad just had us to keep my mom busy."

"Did your mom love him?" she asked.

Derek nodded slowly, obviously thinking about the answer. "At one point, yeah I think she did. She always said...she said he was different before he started his carreer, he was more...like me. She always said he used to be like me. But he let the carreer consume him."

Meredith nodded and squeezed his hand. "Yeah," she nodded. "Sometimes I wonder if my mom was always a bitch. I don't know though."

"You're better than her, Mer," Derek smiled. "It took me a long time to figure that out, but you're better than her."

"I'm failing," she sighed. "I'm just one big disappointment."

"You're not a dissapointment, you're brilliant," Derek said gesturing to the paper. "You just...you got messed up. You're not the first person who made that mistake."

"You didn't," she said. "You came in and did it."

"You're pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?" Derek laughed. "I didn't fail any classes, but I came damn close first year."

"Seriously? You?" she giggled. "What? Did you lose your day planner?"

"Do not mock the day planner," Derek warned. "And I discovered a quick love for anything containing alcohol, and an easy way to piss off my dad."

"Why did you stop?" she asked.

"My dad died," Derek shrugged. "It made me realize that I was just confirming everything he ever said about me and that I was better than that. It woke me up. I wanted to prove the old man wrong, even if he isn't here to see it."

She nodded carefully. "Proving her wrong would be nice."

Derek squeezed her hand. "You can do it, Mer. You just have to find a balance."

She giggled. "That's what Mark said."

"My intelligence rubs of on him occasionally," Derek laughed.

They sat there for a few minutes in silence, holding hands carefully. It felt right. It felt normal. Derek smiled softly at her as she chewed on her bottom lip. "Derek?"

"Yeah?" he asked.

"So, uh, there's this party this weekend," she said. "And it's a big party. I mean, you know it's a big party because Mark's throwing it. So you know about it. And were probably going to be there anyway but I was wondering and you definitely don't have to say yes. I mean, you probably already have a date or something. Not that this would be a date, but I was wondering if...maybe..."

"You want me to go with you?" Derek asked, smiling widly.

"Y-yeah," Meredith nodded nervously. "You don't have to say yes. Don't think that you have to because you don't. I mean, seriously. You probably don't want to go with me, some silly drunken first year. I'm going to shut up now because you're kinda laughing at me and I ramble when I'm nervous and someone should tell me to shut up. But you really don't have to say yes. At all. So don't worry about it."

"Yes," Derek nodded laughing gently. "I'd love to go with you."

"What?" she breathed, staring at him.

"I said yes, Mer. Even though I didn't have to," he answered.

"Oh, okay," she nodded, letting out a small giggle. "So we're going to a party together."

'We're going to a party together," Derek nodded. "And if Jared even thinks of touching you this time, you do realize I now have every right to step in."

She laughed. "Yeah, you do. And he's an ass."

"He is," Derek nodded slowly.

"So, uh, are you, will you," she took a deep breath. "How do we work this one out? I mean, do you pick me up? Is Mark going to kill you because he totally wants in my pants. Which is kind of gross. And why the hell does he call me Mary?"

"He swears your name is Mary, I don't know why," Derek laughed. "I can pick you up. And Mark will be fine with it. He thinks I want in your pants too."

She giggled. "You do though."

"Never said I didn't," Derek laughed.

"I can't believe I'm going to a party with a guy who has a day planner," she giggled as she looked at him, her green eyes filled with desire.

"I am definitely getting you your own, you will see how helpful they are," Derek laughed.

"You wouldn't!" she laughed, hitting his arm softly. "Cristina would never talk to me again."

"Who's Cristina?" Derek asked.

"My person and my room mate," Meredith replied simply.

"Your person?" Derek asked, obviously confused.

"The person you call to help you drag a corpse across the living room if you've murdered someone," Meredith nodded.

"Are you planning on murdering someone?" Derek laughed.

Meredith giggled. "You never know."

Derek smiled and looked at the books sitting on the table next to them. "We're not actually studying. Want to go grab a cup of coffee?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "You know, for a while, Cristina thought it would be your corpse she'd be dragging across campus."

"Seriously?" Derek frowned, as he started grabbing books to put back in his bad. "I'm hurt."

"You were an ass," she giggled as she stood up next to him.

"You were a bitch," he countered.

"You loved the bitchiness," she argued.

"I hated the bitchiness," Derek smiled. "I'd much rather this."

"Well, I hated you being an ass," Meredith smiled back. "And this...I could get used to this. I think. Even though...what is this? Seriously? I mean...are we? No. Okay. I'm shutting up now."

Derek laughed and without saying a word pulled her to him and kissed her. The passion of the kiss in the apartement. This one was gentle and soft and just as amazing. She wrapped her arms around his neck and responded eagerly, her hands resting at the base of his skull as she delicately stroked his curls and then pulled away, a smile on her face. "Okay," she murmured. "This is good."

"It is," Derek nodded in agreement.

She grinned at him and then giggled. "Patrick Dempsey."

"What?" Derek asked.

"You look like Patrick Dempsey," she laughed as they headed off to the cafe, holding hands.

_And I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fighting for._


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's exam room type sex would be in every episode...it wouldn't be great for plot, but damn it would be hot.**

Meredith stood in front of her mirror in her small dorm room as she frowned at her appearance. She looked like a tramp. Everything she owned that was party worthy led to her looking like a slut. And she didn't want to look like a slut. She wanted to look...classy. Derek liked classy. And she wasn't sure what the hell was the matter with her, because she wasn't this kind of girl. She didn't try to look good for a certain guy, she didn't spend time worrying about a certain guy. Usually she just wanted to look deliciously fuckable. But not for Derek, he was different. He wasn't just some drunken hook up at a party and part of her, a huge big scary part, was terrified by that notion. The tiny part was still feeling warm from the hand holding. Meredith didn't hold hands.

With Derek though, she liked holding hands. She liked kissing him. Even if it was a little peck on the lips goodbye. And she liked talking on the phone with him. Which is what they had been doing for a couple of days. Talking on the phone. She didn't know how to talk on the phone with guys, because she had never done this before. But with Derek, it was easy. Derek made things easy.

She had no idea what was wrong with her. Derek wasn't even her type. He carried a day planner. A day planner. Not only did he carry it but he lived by it, completely lived by it. She knew for a fact tonight's date, no not a date, thing, was written in. Not that she had seen him do it, but he was Derek. Derek wrote things in his day planner. She should hate him.

But she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hate him. Because he got her. He understood her. And he liked her, not because she had big boobs and not because she was an easy fuck, but because he liked her. It was weird. And she couldn't hate him. Her cell phone rang loudly over her music and she smiled at the display. "Okay, now you're stalker. We got off the phone like an hour ago."

"I'm outside," he responded, she could hear the smile in his voice.

"I'll be right down," she giggled, wanting to slap herself for the giggle. Meredith Grey did not giggle at guys. She hung up her phone and grabbed a black v-neck sweater and a silver necklace slipping both on before grabbing her coat and running downstairs. She walked out of the door and grinned when she saw him, leaning against a tree in a leather jacket. She loved when he leaned. "Hey."

"Hey," he smiled, pushing himself off the tree. "You look beautiful."

"Really?" she sighed as she leaned up to kiss him softly on the lips. "I wasn't sure...I was worried...I don't know. That, I didn't, I know you hate it..." She needed to stop rambling.

"Relax, Mer," Derek laughed, kissing her quickly again. "It's just me."

"Yeah," she sighed again, "just you." She looked him up and down, taking in his jeans and the sweater and the button down underneath a leather jaceket. "A leather jacket?" she giggled.

"It's hot, isn't it?" Derek said, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

"Oh totally," she nodded as their hands found each other. "But I just never would have seen Derek Shepherd in a leather jacket."

"I swear, Mer," Derek shook his head. "The way you judge me. You see a day planner and there goes any possibility of me being normal."

"Normal people don't live their lives by their day planners," Mer reminded him. "Tell me you don't have it with you. In your car. Or in like your back pocket."

"I don't have it with me," Derek laughed. "I also don't have a car."

"We're walking?" she frowned.

"No, I have my bike," Derek shrugged.

"You're-you're bike?" Meredith stopped and stared at him. "As in..a bicycle?"

"Considering you asked me on this date, I assumed you didn't think I was that lame," Derek answered, only to be met by more staring. "Motorcycle, Meredith."

They stopped in front of the motorcycle and Meredith stared at it, and then stared at Derek. "You-you-you have a motorcycle? Seriously?"

"Seriously," Derek smiled, placing a hand on his bike and stroking it slightly.

Meredith giggled. "Do you need a moment alone with it?"

"No," Derek gave her a look. "I don't need a moment alone with it."

"Because you look like you may be in love with it," Meredith giggled again. "The way you're stroking it."

"She's my girl," Derek said slightly embarrassed. "And you shut up!"

"Oh, I see," Meredith laughed. "I have competition in a motorcycle. You know, I could just let you take her to the party."

"I'm suddenly remembering why I don't like you," Derek laughed.

She pouted as she let her hand travel down to his jean clad ass, giving it a tight squeeze. "Can she do that for you?" she murmured.

Derek gave her a devilish grin. "Definitely not," he whispered, leaning forward and kissing her again, this time a little longer and harder.

She moaned as he pulled away and then looked at the bike. "So, I sit behind you?"

"Yep," Derek nodded. "I have an extra helmet."

"Okay," she nodded firmly. "And you're good at this, right? I mean, you didn't just buy it today to impress me?"

"Did it work?" Derek asked, smiling.

"Derek!" she screeched. "Seriously? Because I really don't want to die tonight!"

"Relax, Mer, I've had her for years," Derek sighed.

"Derek the Dork has a had a motorcycle for years," she shook her head. "Wait until I tell Cristina."

"Derek the Dork?" Derek pouted.

"Sorry," she giggled. "McDreamy."

"McDreamy?" he pouted again.

She laughed. "You don't like McDreamy?" she asked as he strapped the helmet onto her head.

"I don't know," Derek said. "Should I like McDreamy?"

"McDreamy is a good thing, Der," she promised him. "And how do I look?"

"You look hot," Derek laughed.

She laughed as he strapped his own helmet on and then got on the bike, fitting herself firmly behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Please don't kill me," she murmured in his ear.

"That's definitely not the plan," Derek responded.

"Good," she nodded and then rested her head against his back as he started up the bike and she squeezed his midsection tightly.

"Hold on, Mer!" he shouted out of the sound as he pulled out of the parking spot.

Meredith squeezed her eyes shut tight, burying her head in Derek's shoulder. Usually, she was brave. Fearless. But this was new to her. All of this was new to her. Derek Shepherd wore leather jackets and had a motorcycle. And a day planner. But suddenly, the day planner wasn't a big deal anymore. Because she liked the way she fit with him, the way his body warmth kept her warm on the chilly October night.

They were there far too quickly, the ride was nearly over before it had really started and Meredith was disappointed, because she wasn't quite sure she was ready to let go of him. She was starting to think he had been exactly what she was looking for. "You okay, Mer?" Derek asked as he turned off the bike.

She nodded against his back, but still kept her arms tightly wrapped around his stomach. "Yeah," she murmured. "Yeah, I'm amazing."

"You sure?" Derek asked, laughing lightly. "Because you might want to move."

"Oh, yeah," she sighed as she took her arms away from his stomach, already missing his warmth.

"You didn't expect that at all, did you?" Derek asked, getting off the bike and helping her off.

"Definitely not," she shook her head as she took his hand. "That was, you're intense."

"Good," Derek said, kissing her. "God, I like kissing you."

She giggled and kissed him again. "Me too," she nodded and then stared at the house. "I don't want to go in yet."

"We don't have to," Derek shrugged.

"Not yet," she said and turned to him, giggling. "You have helmet hair."

"Well fix it," Derek laughed, bending his head down slightly.

She ran her fingers through his hair, messing up the dark curls until they were no longer flat and then stepped back. "Gorgeous, dahling," she laughed. "What about me?"

Derek reached over and pushed a few golden strands back. "You look perfect."

She smiled and kissed him again, loving the thrill she got every time their lips met. "Der," she murmured.

"Yeah?" he whispered, running his hands along her back.

"I don't want, you don't, I mean, every guy...let's...sex," she finished lamely against his chest, apparently struggling to find words to express what she was thinking.

"Mer, you're going to have to repeat that sentence. I think it might have been missing a few words," Derek teased.

"Every guy wants to sleep with me," she sighed, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes.

Derek pulled her close, resting her head against his chest. "I'm not going to lie, Mer. I can't. I want to sleep with you. But that's not what this is about."

"Okay," she nodded. "So we'll take it...slow. I mean, I have no idea what I'm doing here. Because...well...I don't do this. But slow. Okay?"

"Whatever pace you want," Derek nodded.

"Good," she said firmly and then took a deep breath. She was warm in his arms, she felt safe. But she was scared too. This wasn't Meredith Grey. Meredith Grey didn't date guy. Meredith Grey didn't feel safe in guys' arms. Meredith Grey didn't not sleep with a guy.

_"I can't fight this feeling any longer and yet I'm still afraid to let it flow..."_


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Apparently after next week's new episode Grey's is back in hiatus until April 19th. If we owned the show that definitely wouldn't be happenning.**

His hand was still firmly in hers as they headed inside, her lips still tingling from the hard kiss they had shared right before heading in. This wasn't usual. Meredith left parties with guys, she never showed up with them. Not hand in hand and not wanting to be with him. It just wasn't done. And yet, something about tonight felt entirely right, being with him felt right.

He smiled at her as they walked into the already too loud house, music blaring from stereos, people screaming and yelling, Cristina dancing on a table. "Baby!" she yelled. "You made it!"

"Cristina, I assume?" Derek said in Meredith's ear.

"Yeah," Meredith giggled, feeling her skin flush a little at his hot breath on her neck.

"Can I grab you something to drink?" Derek offered.

"Tequila," Meredith answered as Cristina jumped, or maybe fell, off the table and came walking towards her.

Derek kissed her quickly. "Getting drunk so I can take advantage?" he joked.

"Mer!" Cristina squealed before Meredith could answer. "You brought McDreamy!"

"Derek," he corrected. "It's Derek, nice to meet you."

"Derek," he corrected. "It's Derek, nice to meet you.""I'm Cristina!" the drunken girl shouted. "And you are so hotter than Ronnie Miller!"

"Who's Ronnie Miller?" Derek asked Meredith, completely confused.

"A character Patrick Dempsey played in the 80s," Meredith laughed.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Do you need something to drink, Cristina? Or are you good?"

"I'm great!" Cristina laughed as she took a sip of the entire bottle of tequila she was drinking and then ran back off towards the table she had been dancing on.

"I'll be right back, Mer," Derek laughed.

"Mary!" Mark came up to them, giving her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Meredith," Meredith and Derek both answered.

"How are you liking the party so far, Mary?" Mark grinned. "Better than the piss poor excuses for parties you've been to the past month?"

"We just got here," Meredith smiled.

"We?" Mark frowned. "Whose ass do I need to kick for taking my girl, Mary?"

"That would be your roomate," Meredith giggled.

"My room mate?" Mark turned to Derek. "You finally gave into the powers of the naughty school girl, Shep?"

"It's not like that," Derek shook his head, as he rested a hand on Meredith's back.

"Of course it's like that," Mark rolled his eyes. "Mary, I told him girls who like tequila do freaky things in bed. Don't disappoint me."

"It's not like that," Meredith repeated Derek's words, smiling up at him.

"Okay, nauseating," Mark frowned. "Liquor. You both need to be liquored up."

"Sounds good to me," Meredith groaned. "Derek the Dork was supposed to go get me something but he's easily distracted.

"Derek the Dork?" Derek frowned.

Meredith shrugged. "You offered me alcohol and are yet to deliver. Therefore you get called Derek the Dork."

"I'm going, I'm going," Derek laughed as he kissed her hard. "Keep an eye on her, Mark. And hands off."

"All yours, baby," Meredith winked at him.

"I'm disappointed, Mary," Mark shook his head as Derek walked away.

"Meredith," Meredith said rolling her eyes. "And you weren't getting in my pants anyway."

"At least he's going to get laid now," Mark sighed. "Won't be as annoying."

"He's not getting laid. We're taking it slow," Meredith smiled. She wasn't someone who smiled this much, but she couldn't help herself.

"What?" Mark frowned. "Where the hell is the Mary I know and want to fuck?"

"Everyone wants to fuck me, Mark. Derek and I, it's different," Meredith shrugged.

"Don't hurt him," Mark suddenly turned serious and he stared at her.

"What?" Meredith sputtered.

"Don't hurt him," Mark repeated. "He's my brother. That's all I'm saying."

"Oh...ummm..." Meredith cleared her throat. "I don't plan on it."

"Good," Mark nodded as he took a sip of whatever was in his plastic cup. "He likes you. And if you're just around to have some fun, you should leave. Now."

"I'm not. I wish...this would be a lot easier if it was for fun. A lot easier. But no...it's...this isn't for fun," Meredith rambled.

Mark nodded and threw an arm around her. "Welcome to the family, Mary."

"I'm not...it's...and...it's only the first date. Actually I don't even know if it's a date," Meredith sighed.

"It's a date," Mark nodded

"How?...Why?" Meredith shook her head quickly. "You don't know that."

"What's going on?" Derek asked as he came back towards them, handing Meredith a red plastic cup and giving her a concerned look.

"Mary doesn't think this is a date," Mark laughed. "Actually she does, she's just all twitchy about it."

Derek smiled at Meredith gently and leaned down to whisper, "Do you want this to be a date?"

"Do you want this to be a date?' she whispered back.

"Yeah," he nodded, gently kissing her neck.

"Okay," she nodded. "Yes."

He smiled and kissed her again, his lips tasting like whiskey. "Mark's not harassing you?" he asked, glaring at Mark who was now making puking noises.

"No worse than usual," Meredith giggled. "He told me not to hurt you."

"And I welcomed her to the family, Shep," Mark grinned as his eyes followed a blonde in a short skirt.

"It's our first date," Derek groaned even though he was smiling.

"Mom's gonna love her," Mark laughed as he threw his arm around Meredith again.

"You don't have to meet my mom. Yet," Derek shook his head quickly.

"Thank God," Meredith breathed as she tried to keep herself from panicking. Meredith Grey definitely didn't meet moms. Ever.

"It's okay, Mer," Derek smiled. "Your pace."

She nodded as Mark ran off to seduce the blonde and squeezed his hand. "So what now?" she asked. She had no idea how people who went to parties together acted. Because she came to parties with Cristina, but left with a guy most of the time. And now she was Derek, and she was going to leave with Derek. She had no idea what to do.

Derek looked around the room at all the activity around him. He hadn't been to a party this big since first year. He didn't do parties. "We can dance if you want. Or just go sit down."

She frowned, wondering what kind of dancer he was. "Do you like to dance?" she asked.

"Well, no, but I will if you want," Derek offered, smiling awkwardly.

"We can sit down, I guess," Meredith shrugged. This was getting awkward. It shouldn't be awkward. This was Derek. He wasn't awkward. A little dorky. But not awkward.

Derek nodded and grabbed her hand, leading her to an empty spot on the couch. There wasn't enough room for both of them so he just pulled her onto his lap. "You have no idea what to do, do you?"

"No," she sighed as she rested her head against his chest.

"We can figure this out together," Derek breathed, moving his hand over her head and running his finger through her hair.

She swallowed down her tequila as she looked at everybody. It was too loud to talk, so she just watched people. Parties were for hooking up. By nature, it's what people did at parties. Get drunk and sleep with somebody. Coming with a guy she liked was weird and she had no idea how to handle it. It just felt weird and out of place. She had hoped Derek would know what to do, but he didn't. They were both out of place.

"I'm cramping your style, aren't I?" Derek laughed.

"Just a little," she giggled.

"Mer, feel free to have fun, be Mer," Derek sighed. "Just no going home with another guy."

"So I can go and drink and dance?" she asked, looking up at him. "I mean, we're here together and it's a date. Do we hang out with each other the whole time? Cause I usually drink and dance and, well, I won't do the other thing. I promise. But I'm so confused and this is weird."

"You can go and drink and dance, Mer," Derek smiled. "Have fun. I'll hang out with the guys and stuff. And at the end of the night we leave together."

"Okay," she nodded, kissed him, and then jumped up and ran to the table where Cristina was still dirty dancing with a guy Derek didn't know. Derek watched as Meredith climbed onto the table and grabbed Cristina's drink, taking a long drink before starting to dance around.

Derek sighed. This was definitely a strange first date, not even spending it together. He wondered what had possesed him to agree but then Meredith shot him a smile. They were here together. At the end of the night she would be leaving with him. And something about that felt right.

As the night wore on, Derek found himself drinking more than he usually did. He wasn't sure why, he didn't feel the need to drink, but everytime he looked down into his cup, Mark or somebody had given him more to drink. He wasn't complaining, he just wish he knew why. He tried to keep an eye on Meredith, who appeared to be on her second bottle of tequila as she danced in the middle of the room.

Her eyes caught his throught the crowd of people and a smile spread across her face. She seemed happy to have him there, happy to be with someone even if she was off doing her own thing. And Derek was happy to be there, happy to be the one she smiled at.

She waved him over to where she was dancing, mostly by herself and threw her arms around his neck when he stood in front of her. "Having a good time?" she slurred a little, apparently drunker than he had thought.

"Apparently not as good as time as you," Derek laughed.

"We should dance," she giggled as she started moving her body against his.

"We can dance," Derek smiled, starting to move against her. "I'm not good at it though."

"They call it dirty dancing," Meredith giggled. Apparently she giggled more when she was drunk. "Cristina calls it fucking with your clothes on."

"Fucking with our clothes on? I thought we were taking it slow," Derek laughed.

"But we're dressed," she giggled and then kissed him, hard, her tongue tasting like tequila as she buried her hands in the curls at the base of his neck.

"I think I could get drunk kissing you," Derek smiled, his hands travelling to her ass and pulling her closer.

"I'm already drunk," she laughed as she moved her body sensually against his. He could already feel an erection starting and he finished off his whiskey, desperately needing more.

"Mer, this might...it might not be a good idea," he whispered in her ear.

"Why not?" she breathed.

"Slow, we're taking it slow," Derek reminded her, pressing his erection harder against her. "This isn't helping me with patience."

She nodded but grinded her hips against his. "But it's fun," she giggled.

"For you," Derek nodded. "For me it means a cold shower."

"Nuh uh," she whispered and suddenly her hand was brushing casually against his clothed erection. "Could be fun."

"Meredith, you're drunk," Derek reminded her.

"Yeah," she nodded. "And you should be. Let's get you a drink!" She suddenly stopped dancing and grabbed his hand, dragging him off towards the kitchen

"Meredith," Derek said, smiling anyway. "One of us should be thinking straight."

"She's right, Shep," Mark appeared next to them, pouring himself a drink. "Loosen up. You havin' a good time, Mary?"

"Im having a great time," Meredith giggled. "My boyfriend here seems to be a bit of a prude though," she finished rubbing her ass against Derek's erection.

Derek smiled at the word boyfriend but then let out a soft moan at her sexual advances. "Just trying to take it slow, Mer," he said, amazed by how deep his voice sounded.

"Slow sucks," Meredith frowned.

"Mer," Derek breathed. "You said you wanted to take things slow."

"That was before the tequila," Meredith giggled.

"And the jello shots," Mark frowned as he stared at the small multi colored display of jello mixed with vodka. "Who the fuck brough jello shots?" he asked as he walked away.

"Derek, you should know, when I drink things get a little porny. And right now, you're looking really porny," Meredith said, turning around and kissing him again, slipping her tongue into his mouth.

He kissed her back, but then pulled away, knowing this wasn't going to end anywhere good. "Then I say we stop drinking," he smiled as he tried to take away her plastic cup.

"You told me I could drink," she frowned. "Don't be Derek the Dork again."

"Fine," he sighed and let her have her drink, grabbing his own and downing it quickly before pouring another. What was the phrase? When in Rome, do as the Romans do? Well, Derek was in college and he was doing what the collegiates did.

"Derek?" Meredith said quietly, staring at him over her cup.

"Yeah?" he responded, suddenly feeling a little bit more lightheaded.

"I'm glad you're my date," she smiled shyly.

He smiled back and then kissed her. "I'm glad I'm your date too," he replied and then poured himself another drink. He didn't remember drinking the other one, but his cup was empty.

"We should have sex on your day planner," Meredith suddenly exclaimed, bouncing up and down slightly.

"What?" he laughed. "I don't have my day planner."

Meredith frowned. "That's too bad."

"I thought you didn't like the day planner," Derek grinned and he was sure he felt a giggle coming. He was twenty two years old, he hadn't giggled since preschool.

"I love your day planner," Meredith giggled. "You're a dork and I love it!"

He laughed and grabbed her, kissing her hard as he backed her against the kitchen counter, his erection pressing into her. "You taste like tequila."

"You taste like whiskey," she giggled. She couldn't stop giggling tonight.

He ran his hand through her hair and smiled at her, suddenly feeling very drunk indeed. "So what now, Ms. I love Dorks?"

"I don't love dorks," she shook her head quickly. "Just you. I love you."

If he had been sober, he would have checked at this, but instead he said, "Yeah, I love you too."

"Okay, there we said it," Meredith sighed. "Sex comes next."

He actually let out a giggle as he kissed her, his free hand coming up to her breast and massaging it gently. "Mer," he whispered, "I want you."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "I want you too."

"Now," he growled as he nibbled on her ear lobe.

"Hmmm..." Meredith moaned. "We need...privacy. Definitely need privacy."

"Where?" he asked as he started trailing kisses down her throat. A voice in the back of his head told him to stop this. Told him this was bad. But he ignored it, loving the way Meredith's neck tasted.

"Upstairs," Meredith moaned. "I'm sure there's a room upstairs."

"Let's go upstairs," he nodded, grabbing her hand and fighting through the crowd, stopping every once in a while to kiss her, to touch her.

Meredith's giggles had died as she followed him up the stairs. Something in her head was whispering that this was wrong, that they definitely shouldn't be doing this, but Derek's lips sent heat soaring through her body and his body fit her's far too well.

They stopped at the top of the stairs and started kissing in earnest, Derek's hands moving over her tiny body as she pushed him against the wall, their breaths coming in small pants. Derek picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as they kissed, stumbling into a room that was occupied, and then another, before finally finding a room that was empty and falling onto the bed, Meredith's sweater already off.

"Condom," Derek breathed as Meredith's hand tore away at his buttons. "I don't have a condom."

"It's fine," Meredith shook her head as she kissed him deeply. The voice in her head was screaming at her that it was not fine, none of this was fine and it would be best if they would just stop.

"You sure?" Derek asked, pulling his lips away from her as he trailed kisses along the length of her neck and started gently kissing her chest. Derek's head was screaming for him to stop, but the way her chest was heaving, he needed her.

"Yeah," she panted as she pushed the shirt off his back.

Derek didn't bother to answer as he reached around and undid her bra clasp and gently did away with her bra, leaving her full breast exposed. "God, Mer," he breathed, shifting and covering them with light kisses. His lips eventually brushed against a nipple and he brought it into his mouth, sucking on it gently.

"Der," she moaned as her hips rose off the bed. She threw her head back and moaned loudly as he continued sucking gently on her nipple.

Not removing his mouth his hands traveled to the button of her jeans and undid them, sliding the jeans and panties down her hips to the floor. His hand then traveled to between her legs as he slid a finger into her warm wetness causing her to stiffen around him.

The voice in his head became louder as he slipped his finger in and out of the wetness, loving her moans as he played with her clitoris. He sucked her nipple in time with each gentle thrust of his finger and she thrashed beneath him, her body preparing itself for an orgasm. "Derek," she moaned. "Please." The voice in his head commanded him to stop. Told him to stop.

"Mer," he breathed, ignoring the annoying interior voice as he quickkend the pace of his finger, using his thumb to gently stroke her swollen clit. His tongue swirled around her nipple as he took it further into his mouh, sucking on it harder than before.

"Derek," she moaned, her voice becoming louder. "Derek, god..." Her breathing became more ragged as she finally tensed, and then released, moaning his name loudly, almost to a scream level.

"Meredith," he murmered, moving his mouth to kiss her as his shaky hands traveled to his own pants to discard of them.

She helped him to undo his pants and boxer briefs her hands shaking as she pulled his head down by his hair. "Please," she moaned deeply, biting at his earlobe.

"God," he moaned. Even the voice in his head was moaning now. He shifted Meredith so she was entirely underneath him as he kissed her deeply, thrusting into her at the same time.

She tensed around him and he nearly came right then and there, but he pulled out of her and then thrust back into her again, amazed by how she felt around him. She raked at his back as he continued his slow thrusting and kissed him deeply, her tongue matching his rhythm perfectly. "Der," she moaned. "Derek."

"Mer..." he breathed out on a shaky breath. He was so close already, just being inside her was enough to finish him. He moved within her, the two of them already having found a perfect rhythm, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

She tensed beneath him, her body riding a wave of multiple orgasms as her muscles tightened around him and he found himself finishing, Meredith screaming his name as he uttered a few choice words. Their bodies were covered with sweat, and Derek held her close, the voice in his head rising to an almighty roar. Something about a mistake. But he couldn't see how this was a mistake.

_Put time in a capsule  
Two minds consensual  
Entwined to perfection  
If we could..._


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Apparently, we're trying to be Shonda. We're trying to be Shonda really hard. Because this update is what we like to call Shondaizing. The final step would be owning Grey's, but we sadly still don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

Meredith stared at her phone as she bit her bottom lip, her hands shaking as she stared at the offensive device. This was bad. This was so incredibly bad. She had slept with Derek. She had drunkenly slept with Derek and then left. And now he wasn't calling. She looked up at Cristina who was reading her anatomy book. "He hasn't called," she said desperately for the fourth time.

Cristina rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time. "Yeah, well you did kinda leave him in the middle of the night."

Meredith sighed and dialed his number, listening to it ring and then go to voicemail. "He's not answering his phone."

Cristina rolled her eyes again. "Yeah, well you did kinda leave him in the middle of the night."

"Cristina!" Meredith fell back onto her bed. "We drunkenly slept together. Drunkenly. We had dirty drunken sex on our first date. And I told him I wanted to take it slow and then I got tequila and drinking makes everyone and everything seem kinda porny and we had dirty drunken sex. And now, he's not answering his phone. He's not answering his phone. All he wanted was dirty drunken sex."

"Meredith, I saw the way he looks at you. It's sickening and kind of makes me want to shoot a puppy or something, but he definitely didn't just want sex," Cristina sighed.

"It was a mistake, a total mistake," Meredith sighed. "I never should have asked out Derek the Dork. He's probably not even really a dork. He probably tutors girls and then fucks them. God, a huge mistake. The biggest mistake ever."

"Oh please, a hot future doctor wants to make you open up and say ah. It's the American dream, stop whining about it," Cristina groaned.

"He's not a doctor yet," Meredith frowned. "I can't believe this. I, do we have any tequila? Because I'm going to need tequila. Lots of tequila. Because he's not calling. And we slept together and all he wanted was dirty drunken sex. God. Why did we sleep together?"

"Because you were drunk, and when you're drunk you get horny. Did you really think he was going to pass up sex?" Cristina asked.

"Yes!" Meredith sighed. "I thought he was better than the rest of the guys. But he's not. He just wanted dirty drunken sex. And I have to see him tomorrow for tutoring. God. I hate my life. My life sucks. It officially sucks."

"Seriously, Mer. Get your panties out of a bunch. Just because he fucked you last night doesn't mean that's all it was to him," Cristina sighed.

"Then why hasn't he called?" Meredith asked as she threw her phone across the room.

"He probably has his panties in a bunch just like you," Cristina said, groaning in disgust. "The way you two were, he's obviously into you. You. Not your pants. It's disgusting but it's your problem not mine. And now he probably thinks you're, well, thinking what you're thinking."

"Seriously?" Meredith turned to her. "Is this your idea of helping? Because you're not. Because you should be threatening to hurt him or something. Because he slept with me, Cristina. He fucked me and now he won't call or answer his phone. If I'm calling, it means I want to talk and that means he should answer. But he's not. Which probably means he's done with me."

"Fine," Cristina said, getting off her bed. "I can take him, the man has a fucking day planner. I'll go take care of him."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed and then jumped off the bed as her phone started ringing. "Damn it. It's just my mom. You talk to her."

"What? I don't want to talk to your mom. I don't do moms," Cristina said, looking at the phone like it was poisonous. "Besides I have to go kick McDreamy's ass."

"Go do it then," Meredith sighed as she pressed ignore on her phone. "And then bring back some tequila. Because I hate him and his stupid boy penis."

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure you loved that penis last night," Cristina cracked.

"Cristina!" Meredith threw a pillow at her. "Seriously? Seriously. He slept with me. He slept with me and now he won't answer his phone. I hate him. He's such a fucking freak and I hate him."

"Sure you do," Cristina laughed.

"This isn't funny," Meredith sighed. "It really isn't funny. This was a mistake. The world's biggest mistake."

"Meredith, you do realize he's just a guy, right?" Cristina grumbled.

"Of course he's just a guy," Meredith nodded. "But, he's, he's Derek. He, understood. And he...he fucked me. And he's just a guy. Just a stupid, stupid guy with a stupid boy penis."

"Fine, I'm going to kick his ass," Cristina sighed. "But if his asshole of a best friend touches me, I'm blaming it on you."

"Thank you," Meredith nodded as she buried her head under her pillow. She never should have gone out with Derek Shepherd. She never should have even asked him out. This was turning out to be the biggest mistake of her college career.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek paced around the apartment, pulling at his hair as he started at the ringing phone. He knew what the display said, he didn't have to look. Stupid mistake, big huge mistake. "I can't answer that," Derek groaned.

"Dude, seriously, answer her," Mark rolled his eyes as he handed Derek a beer.

"No, no," Derek shook his head. "I, no, I can't. Last night, after last night I definitely can't answer that phone."

"Why the fuck not?" Mark asked. "You fucked her. It was good. She obviously wants more."

Derek groaned at his best friend. "Fucking her wasn't good. Not that way, it was amazing, but it was a mistake. I wasn't supposed to fuck her, Mark, I wasn't supposed to be that guy. I'm different, I'm supposed to be different. For her, she...I have no fucking clue what I was thinking."

"You were thinking there was a hot drunk naughty school girl practically fucking you in the kitchen," Mark rolled his eyes. "You did what any man would do."

"Exactly!" Derek yelled. "I wasn't supposed to be any man, not with Meredith. She...she...every single man at that party wanted to fuck her, you damn well know that. You lead the fucking parade. But no one wants her, not to be with her, not really. I do. I wasn't going to fuck her, I was going to wait."

"Okay, I'm apparently sharing my apartment with a girl," Mark rolled his eyes. "Wait? For what? Shep, she's calling you. Which means she wants more. She wants to fuck your brains out. I'm not seeing the god damn problem here."

"She doesn't want more," Derek sighed. "She's calling because she just found out I'm like all the rest of them. I wasn't supposed to be, I was supposed to be better than that."

"So she's calling you to tell you you're just like the rest of them and now she's not going to talk to you?" Mark stared at him. "You'd think she'd just stop calling. Next time she calls, I'm answering the fucking phone."

"You're not," Derek snapped. "I need...no, she, she needs to be with someone that makes her feel like she's worth more than a good fuck. Maybe...I...I'm not that guy."

"Are you on something?" Mark glared. "Derek, you're so fucking crazy for her and she's so fucking crazy for you it's disgusting. I look at you two and I want to vomit. You are that guy, you ass. Now pick up the phone and call her."

"I can't," Derek shook his head. "She...I promised her. I told her I would wait and then we got drunk...and I just can't."

"You got drunk," Mark shrugged. "And you fucked her. And now she's calling you. I'm not seeing the problem here."

"Meredith," Derek sighed. "She...she's dark and twisty. She's...there's a lot of layers to her. And she deserves to be with someone who can make her feel worthy, who won't jump into bed with her."

"You didn't just jump into bed with her," Mark sighed. "You got drunk, stumbled into a room and had sex. Did she say no?"

"She was drunk Mark," Derek groaned. "And she sleep with innappropriate men when she's drunk, it's her thing."

"If she didn't say no, I'm not seeing the problem here at all," Mark said. "Now call her."

"It was a mistake, a huge fucking mistake," Derek yelled. "I can't just call her."

"How the hell do you know she thinks it was a mistake?" Mark asked. "How do you know she isn't calling to ask you out again? And what about tomorrow? You've got to go tutor her you know."

"Oh, god," Derek sighed, grabbing his leather jacket. "I have to go talk to Stanton. She doesn't need me."

"Are you serious?" Mark frowned. "You are on something. You're going to stop tutoring her because you fucked her?"

"No, I'm going to stop tutoring her because she doesn't need a tutor. The woman is a genius," Derek said shrugging into his jacket.

"Don't you think you should talk to Mary about this?" Mark urged.

"I already told her she doesn't need tutoring," Derek shrugged.

"And did she say you were right?" Mark asked. "Or was it during the dirty drunken sex that was for some reason a huge mistake?"

"She...she thinks she needs me but that's because she doesn't have any faith in herself," Derek groaned. "And the sex didn't really help that."

"Will you just fucking call her, Shep?" Mark rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm out of here," Derek sighed, heading towards the door but turning back at last second. "Mark, just let this drop. Mer and I...the whole thing...it was a mistake. Let it go."

Mark sighed. "You're a fucking idiot, Derek. But whatever."

"I want what's best for her," Derek sighed, heading out the door. Pretending that his heart wasn't squeezing in the pain of losing what had never really been his.

_"You wanted it so much, and now that it's over you don't know what you want."_


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy...well after this update thank god we don't. Because you'd want to kill us and then there wouldn't be anymore Grey's. Since we don't own it...well it might just end this fic.**

Derek was an ass. Meredith hadn't even heard a word of what was said in class because Derek was such an ass. She came to Stanton's class and steamed the entire time. Because Derek was an ass. It was the next day and she still hadn't heard from him. He was just like all the other ones, fuck her and leave her. He had a day planner, he was supposed to be different. Ass.

Maybe he hadn't penciled in time to call her and apologize for fucking her. Maybe he was too busy with the future fucking Dorks of America than to pick up the phone and tell her he was sorry. Maybe he was too busy fucking some other girl. Or maybe he was just an ass. She hated him. And she hated that she was still thinking about him. And she hated that she had to go be tutored by the ass.

At least this way he would have to talk to her. He couldn't escape talking if they were face to face and he would have to say something. And he was Derek. Derek usually said things, even when she didn't want to hear them he said them. He always challenged her, fought with her. This wouldn't be different. She would demand that it wouldn't be different. He had fucked her and he was going to have to face it.

"Ms. Grey?" Dr. Stanton said as she gathered her things, bringing her out of her daydream of yelling at Derek. Or cutting off his pickle. Whatever.

"Yes, sir?" she asked, trying to sound polite.

"Derek sent me your paper," he smiled kindly. "I must say, I was very impressed."

"Thank you, sir," Meredith said, a fake smile plastered to her face.

"Derek and I had a talk yesterday," he turned to sit on the edge of the desk. "He told me it was his belief that you do not need a tutor. That it is simply a question of motivation."

"What?" Meredith asked, her jaw dropping open as she blinked away the wetness that had suddenly appeared in her eyes.

"He told me you were actually quite intelligent and that you appear to have no problem with the coursework," Dr. Stanton continued. "He says your paper proves this, and also that you are more than caught up with the coursework here. I have to say I agree with him, Ms. Grey."

"No, no," Meredith shook her head quickly. "I...I need Derek. Definitely, I need Derek. I need the extra push."

"Ms. Grey, Derek is very busy," Dr. Stanton reminded her. "It is not his job to give you motivation. Your future should be your motivation. Therefore, I have released him from tutoring duties."

"But...but..." Meredith murmured, trying not to cry. She was supposed to be tutored by Derek. She was supposed to go see him right now and yell at him and make things better.

"Ms. Grey, Meredith," Dr. Stanton smiled, "I understand college is new and scary, but after the paper you wrote for Derek, and after the progress he told me about, I think you're going to do just fine in my class. I'll see you Wednesday."

"But I liked being tutored by Derek," she whispered.

Dr. Stanton turned from where he was packing his bag. "I'm sorry, Ms. Grey?"

"Nothing, it's nothing," Meredith whispered, beginning to walk out of the room as a tear splashed onto her cheek.

She went into the wash room and tried to calm herself, splashing water onto her cheeks. This was ridiculous. She had been hoping for this. She hated the tutoring sessions with Derek, or at least she had in the beginning. But now, now she wanted to be around Derek. She had to talk to him. She had to yell at him and make him take her out on a real date. This was so wrong.

He had to be home. He might not be the guy she originally thought with his music, leather jacket and motorcycle but he was still Derek. He would be at home, studying with his beer. There was no where else he could be. Home. She could go over, kick Mark out and yell. Things could still be fixed.

She walked in a freezing rain to his apartment. Halloween was just a week away and it had already gotten col and now there was the freezing rain. But she walked in it, not caring that she was getting soaked. Not caring that she was freezing. Not caring about any of that as she walked up to the stairs to his apartment, banging on the door. "Derek!" she called.

She heard an impatient grumble from the other side of the door and it swung open revealing a less than smiling Derek. "Meredith," he greeted, frowning at her.

"You're a fucking asshole," she stammered as she shivered on his doorstep.

"And you're soaked," he stated.

"I can't believe you," she continued, not bothering to reply. "You went and talked to Stanton without me knowing? You're giving up our tutoring sessions?"

"You don't need me," Derek shook his head, retreating back into his apartement.

"Don't you think it should be up to me to decide that?" she asked, following closedly behind him, wishing she had worn a jacket that day.

Derek grimaced as he reached over and grabbed a towel from the basket sitting on the couch. "Here," he handed it to her. "And you don't need a tutor, Meredith. We were just wasting our time."

She took the towel and dried her hair. "This is about the other night, isn't it?" she asked, glaring at him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he sighed.

"Oh, about the fact that we had sex and now you won't even look at me?" she argued.

"No it's about the fact you're smart enough to do it on your own," Derek said, avoiding the comment about the night before.

"And why won't you answer your fucking phone?" she asked. "Or did you get what you wanted out of me? Another fucking story for the senior guys. Oh, look I fucked the skanky freshman that I had been tutoring!"

"Yeah, Mer, that's all it was to me," he spat. "I'm just another jackass who doesn't see how amazing you are."

"Well if you really cared you would have called me," she said. "Or maybe picked up your damn phone. But no, you were done. You fucked me and that was it."

"It a mistake, a huge fucking mistake," Derek shouted.

She stared at him, trying to blink the tears back from her eyes. "Yeah," she murmured. "That's all it was. A mistake."

"Exactly," Derek nodded. "That night never should have happened."

"Us never should have happened," Mer murmured. "We never should have happened."

"You're right. You're just who I thought you were in first place. A drunken first year that only care about one thing," Derek murmered, ignoring the tightening of his own heart, knowing the lie in his own words.

"You fucking asshole," Meredith stared at him. "You bastard. You're just like the rest of them. Wanted to get a good lay in. That's it. Well you don't get bragging rights, Derek."

"Oh really, because I quite remember you screaming my name," Derek smiled cockily, hating the words coming out of his mouth. But he had to. Meredith deserved better than some drunken thing, and he hadn't been able to give her that.

She reached him up and slapped him. "You don't get to call me a whore!" she hissed. "You got me drunk. You took me up to that room. You acted like you were different. And then you didn't call. You don't get to call me a whore. And you don't get to act like you were some special thing. It's called faking, Derek."

"I took you up to the room?" Derek yelled. "Really? This was all me? I remember someone rubbing their ass up against me!"

"Yeah, and that's dancing!" she yelled. "Maybe you should pencil that into your fucking day planner! Learning to fucking dance! Or just be a normal fucking person!"

"You and the fucking day planner! Get over it, I'm a good student, you might want to try it sometime!" Derek shouted.

"And maybe you should try being a decent fucking human being!" she screeched. "God, you're so obsessed with proving your dad wrong that you can't even let yourself be normal or happy. All you do is fucking study. That's it. You wouldn't know fun if it bit you in the ass."

"At least I know fun doesn't have to be found in a fucking tequila bottle! You're so consumed by the fucked up image of you that your mom sees that you play right into it. You don't have the strength to prove her wrong!"

"You don't know a fucking thing about my mother!" she pushed him against the wall. "You don't know a fucking thing about me!"

"Really," Derek challenged. "I know you, I was you! I know you better than you even fucking know yourself."

"Oh really?" Meredith laughed harshly. "Because if I'm ever like you, I'll kill myself! You think you're so fucking high and mighty, so fucking great. Like the world has to bow down at your feet because you're going places. God, Derek, you're just like our parents! You're just like them! And you'll end up just like them too!"

"At least I'll be something! You...you'll still be too busy getting drunk and fucking random guys!" Derek snapped.

"Don't you dare judge me," she growled. "I'm doing my fucking best. I'm eighteen years old and I have time to grow out of it if I want to. And maybe I dont' want to. But you're just getting started, Derek. And you'll end up completely alone."

"It's not my fault that the first woman I ever found myself really caring about ended up being a complete bitch," Derek spat.

"And it's not my fault that the guy I thought I could maybe spend the rest of my life with one day would end up just wanting to fuck me senseless," she stared at him, her chest heaving in anger.

Derek shook his head at her, laughing harshly. "I wanted to be wrong about you, I wanted you to prove me wrong."

"Bullshit," she shook her head. "You just wanted to make me feel safe and comfortable. And then you wanted to fuck me. That's it. You didn't want me to be anything except the slut you had heard about."

"Sure, Meredith, believe that. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself," Derek said.

"You know, at least I didn't lie to you," she said frankly. "At least I was honest about who I was."

"Meredith, you don't even know who you are," Derek shook his head dissapointed in her.

She stared at him and then turned towards the door, throwing the towel at him. "Go to hell, Derek," she said and then slammed the door behind her.

Meredith felt the tears streaming down her face but ignored them, she didn't need him and his attitude. He had pretended to be so god damn perfect, and different. He said it was more than just sex, and then he called her a whore. This was on him. And she didn't want to be crying over him. She was better than that. He didin't deserve her tears, he deserved a good kick to the balls.

She ran back to her dorm room, still soaking wet, still freezing and went straight to the showers, trying to breathe deeply against the sobs that wouldn't stop. This wasn't fair. It wasn't right. None of this was right. Meredith Grey didn't sob over a stupid boy and his stupid boy penis. But she couldn't get the way he had looked at her out of her head. He hated her. He hated her and thought she was a slut. 

She thought they had bonded, she didn't bond with people, but somehow she thought they had managed it. They had broken through all the crap and somehow had found each other. She never talked about her mom, ever. But he had been so damned understanding, so amazing about it. And it has all been a fucking act to get in her pants. She had to give him points for creativity, no guy had done that before.

She sighed as she got out of the shower and changed into a pair of sweats and a Dartmouth t-shirt. The t-shirt she had worn that first day just a couple weeks ago. She considered taking it off but instead curled up in bed, trying not to cry again. Because he wasn't important. He didn't matter. They had had sex. Hot sex. Good sex. She just needed to remember that. At least it had been good sex.

She had gotten drunk and screwed Derek. It's what she did. He had been right about that, she drank and had sex with innappropriate men. He was just another one. None of them had hurt before and there was no reason he should be any different. They barely knew each other. They were barely friends. He had screwed her over but she could handle that.

She breathed deeply as she started to drift off to sleep, listening to the rain falling against the window. She didn't need him. She was fine. He was just another guy. Another guy she had fucked. He didn't need to be anyone special. And she didn't need to cry over him. A party this weekend would make this better. Any party. She was sure there were some going on.

Her cell phone rang, forcing her eyes to pop back open.

She reached for the phone, frowning. She didn't recognize the number but sighed as she opened it. "Hello?" she murmured, settling her head back down on her pillow.

"Mary?" Mark's voice came from the other end.

"Mark?" she frowned. "How the fuck did you get my number? I swear if this is Derek's weak ass attempt to get me to talk to him..."

"Mary," Mark cut in, his voice sounding strained. "Derek...he doesn't know I'm calling, I got your number from his day planner of all thing."

"Oh," Meredith said. "Look, I know you want to kick my ass cause I hurt him, but I didn't, he..."

"He crashed the bike, Mary," Mark said.

"W-what?" Meredith stammered, sitting up fast in bed, fear gripping her heart. "What?"

"He crashed. I ...I don't know how bad," Mark sighed.

"Where are you?" she asked. "How-how did you find out? Is he okay?" Suddenly, she couldn't breathe.

"I'm still at the apartment, my cell's his emergency number so they called," Mark said, his voice sounding small. "He...he's at the hospital, they didn't say...but I don't know."

Meredith's heart clenched as she listened to Mark try to hold back tears. "Come get me," she murmured. "Come get me, Mark."

"I'm on my way Mary," Mark answered.

Meredith hung up her phone and slipped on a pair of shoes and a sweatshirt, pulling her hair back into a ponytail, Mark's words running through her mind as she tried to breathe. This wasn't happening. He'd be fine. He'd be okay. He had to be okay.

_We're one but we're not the same, we hurt each other and then we do it again_


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: We're not Shonda, so we don't own Grey's Anatomy. Which means you probably should relax, we don't get kicks out of killing people we love.**

Mark and Meredith ran into the emergency room, Meredith's hand tightly in his. They had been sitting next to each other in the car, Mark, for once, not saying a word when he had suddenly pulled over and had a small anxiety attack. He hadn't been crying, but he had been freaking out. Meredith had gently urged him to switch places with her, and she had driven the rest of the way, his hand gently gripping hers.

Derek had to be okay, there wasn't another option. They...things had been said and they needed to talk. They couldn't end things this way. So Derek had to be okay. Meredith needed him. Mark needed him. Derek had to be okay. He had been so stupid, riding his bike in the ice rain, but that didn't mean he deserved to die, he had to be okay.

"Excuse me," Mark choked out to the nurse at the welcome desk. He tried to flash her the Mark Sloan smile but could only choke back tears. "I, uh, my room mate was taken here. Motorcycle accident."

"Derek Shepherd," Meredith volunteered, surprised to hear the shakiness in her own voice.

"Derek Shepherd," the nurse nodded, looking down at a list and then back up to them. "Are you family?"

"He's his brother," Meredith answered, stretching the truth slightly. And then Meredith realized a friend might not be allowed in. "I'm his...girlfriend."

"All right," the nurse nodded. "He's been taken up to surgery. The OR waiting room is on the third floor. Someone will be able to give you more information there."

"Surgery, Mark?" Meredith said squeezing his hand. "That's bad. Surgery is bad."

"No," he shook his head. "That doesn't mean anything. Maybe he broke his nose. And so they have to do surgery. Which would be a nice change from the shit job they did on him when I broke his nose when he was twelve."

"His nose...you're the one that messed it up?" Meredith said, not really caring but needing distracting.

"Yeah," Mark nodded as they stepped into the elevator. "I threw a basketball at his face."

"Why the hell did you do that?" Meredith asked, looking up at him.

"He punched me," Mark shrugged.

"You're both idiots," Meredith groaned. "Who rides a motorcycle in this weather?"

"Mom's going to kill him," Mark sighed. "She hates that thing. Hates it."

"Parents are supposed to hate bikes, it's kind of the point," Meredith sighed.

"Dad didn't," Mark shook his head. "He got it for him. Dad loved that bike."

"Your dad?" Meredith asked. "That doesn't...the dad Derek told me about didn't seem the type."

Mark shrugged. "Derek got into Dartmouth. Dad bought him a bike. Dad was a good guy."

"Derek doesn't seem to think so," Meredith said.

Mark walked out of the elevator, dragging Meredith with him. "Dad and Shep were practically the same person. And Dad was intense. But he loved us. He was a great guy." They paused at the nurses' station. "Derek Shepherd," Mark said quickly.

The nurse at the desk look at the papers in front of her. "He's in OR1 right now. If you want to sit down the doctor will come and talk to you when he's done."

"What kind of surgery?" Mark demanded.

The nurse looked down again. "He's having his spleen removed."

"Is that bad?" Meredith whispered, trying to remember if the spleen were a necessary organ.

Mark quickly nodded, throwing an arm around her and pulling her close. "No, that's nothing, Mary. If that's the worse of his injuries he'll be fine."

"Okay," she nodded, wringing her hands as she let him hug her, knowing he was trying to be strong. Derek was his brother. He knew Derek. She didn't know Derek. She didn't know what it was like to be afraid like this. And she was afraid. So afraid. Because this was Derek. And he had to get better. He had to be okay. He had to live and she had to apologize.

"He's going to be okay," Mark nodded.

"I, uh, this is bad," she sighed. "This is so bad. I can't, you should, what if he's not?"

Mark shook his head quickly. "He has to be...he can't...he's my brother, he has to be okay. Besides, man has the world's hardest head, I don't think he could injure his brain if he tried."

Meredith giggled a little at that but then frowned. "He was wearing his helmet right?" she asked. "I mean...he wants to be a neurosurgeon. His dad was a neurosurgeon. He wouldn't not wear his helmet right?"

"He'd wear his helmet," Mark nodded. "Derek...he always wears his helmet."

"I yelled at him," Meredith sighed. "I yelled and he rode his bike. In the ice. What kind of a dumbass rides his bike in ice?"

"Derek. When it comes to that bike he thinks he's fucking invincible," Mark groaned.

"Have you called his-your mom?" Meredith whispered, squeezing his hand.

"Not yet," Mark shook his head. "I wanted to find out how bad things were first."

Meredith nodded and then led him towards the chairs, sitting down carefully. "He's going to be okay," she sighed, more for herself than for him.

"He will be annoying us within a week," Mark agreed.

"You," Meredith shook her head. "He'll be annoying you."

"Whatever you think is going on between you two right now, he does care about you, Mary," Mark said squeezing her hand.

"Not so much," she laughed a little. "We fought. And he said things. Bad things."

"He does that," Mark sighed. "He probably didn't mean half of it."

"How do you know?" Meredith sighed. "He...he said, it doesn't matter. It's over. Whatever it was. Because it wasn't like we were actually together or anything. I mean, we had dirty drunken sex. It's not like we were together or anything. So I guess there's nothing to be over, really. Because there wasn't anything anyway."

"Mary if it wasn't anything you would be sitting here grasping my hand," Mark laughed gently.

She took her hand away quickly. "I'm here for you," she mumbled.

"Oh, you're here for the ass that has been trying to get in your pants since day one. You're near tears because I'm in pain. That's touching, it really is," Mark nodded.

"Shut up, Mark," she hit him on the arm. "I, even if, even if there is something, and I'm not saying there is, it's over on his end. I, I'm not good enough."

"What?" Mark gave Meredith a confused look. "Mary, you're too good for him if anything. Besides, it's not over on his end."

"How do you know?" Meredith asked. "Seriously. He didn't call. He called me things. He said things. It's so over on his end."

"I know because he's my brother," Mark shrugged. "He was an idiot for not calling, I told him that. But don't think he wasn't torn up. And as I said, idiot, when he's mad his brain stops working."

"Why was he mad at me?" Meredith asked desperately just as a doctor came into the waiting room.

"Are you Derek Shepherd's family?" the doctor asked before Mark got to answer.

"Yes," Mark said firmly as he stood up quickly.

"I'm Dr. Cotter," he introduced himself shaking both their hands. "Derek's going to be fine. He got lucky."

"Lucky?" Mark grabbed Meredith's hand. "What do you mean? What the hell happened?"

"The crash was quite bad," Dr. Cotter explained. "He wrapped his bike around a tree, chances are his helmet saved his life."

"Oh," Meredith murmured, squeezing Mark's hand. "Oh."

"Don't worry," the doctor reminded him. "As it is he walked away with very minor injuries. His spleen needed to be removed and he has a broken leg. And a slight concussion. But he's fine."

"So there isn't any brain damage?" Mark asked. "His head is fine?"

"There's no brain damage. He'll be fine," the doctor smiled.

"Can we see him?" Mark swallowed tears, squeezing Meredith's hand tightly.

"Of course. He should be coming out of anesthesia soon but he will be slightly groggy. You can't stay long though," Dr. Cotter answered.

"Thanks," Mark nodded and then looked down at Meredith. "I should, uh, call Mom."

"I guess I will go see him," Meredith said quietly.

"Okay," Mark nodded. "Hey, Doc?"

"Yes?" the doctor asked.

"The bike?" Mark asked. "He loves that damn thing."

"Then make it gentle when you tell him it didn't fare the accident as well," Dr. Cotter said with a small smile.

"It's gone?" Meredith asked softly.

"I'm afraid so," he nodded.

"Damn," Mark groaned. "Now he'll mope around the house for weeks. Doc, you think you could pump him with Prozac or something?"

"I'm afraid not," he laughed.

"Thanks, Doc," Mark nodded and then turned to Meredith. "Well, Mary, you get to be the one to break it to him. It's going to be the first thing he asks."

"What? Me...he hates me," Meredith sputtered.

"Mary, if you're going to see him, he's going to ask two questions, what happened and then you'll tell him and he'll ask how that damn fucking bike is," Mark reminded her. "And you can't wait for me to tell him. He'll be pissed."

Meredith sighed. "I might as well break it to him, since he hates me. I mean, there's no more damage that can be done."

"He doesn't hate you," Mark said softly. "I have to call Mom. She's going to flip and she's going to be here in like...five minutes somehow. Because she's Mom. I'll be in there in a few minutes."

Meredith took a deep breath and headed towards the room where she was told Derek would be. He probably wouldn't even want her there, he'd see her and yell, he'd never ask about his bike. She wasn't sure why she even came. When she walked in, her breath caught in her throat at the sight of Derek in his bed, his leg propped up, his face covered with cuts and scrapes, surrounded by machines and an IV drip. She had spent most of her life in hospitals, and she had a love/hate relationship with them. But right now, right now she hated hospitals. She sat down in the chair next to his bed and took a deep breath.

"Oh Der..." she sighed, grabbing his hand despite her anger with him.

"He's just waking up, dear," a nurse said as she came in. "He'll be a bit out of it."

Meredith nodded mutely, staring down at him. This wasn't Derek. Derek rode a bike, and drank beer while studying and penciled things into that damn day planner. He didn't lay in a bed looking pale with an IV. He looked vulnerable, small. He looked like she could hurt him if she wanted to. And she didn't, she never wanted to. "Der," she breathed. "Derek." She watched as his eyelids began to flutter and tried to avoid looking at the cut on his forehead that was stitched up, at the black eye, at his bruised cheek and split lip.

"Mer..." he mumbled.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, squeezing his hand slightly. "Yeah, it's me."

"How..." he gulped. "What happened?" he asked, squeezing her hand.

"You were a dumbass and rode your bike in the ice," she answered. "There was an accident."

"Am I okay?" he asked, suddenly shifting around in his bed.

"They, uh, had to take out your spleen," Meredith responded. "And you have a concussion. A broken leg. And, uh, your face isn't very pretty right now. But you're fine, Derek. The helmet saved your life. Even if you do have helmet hair."

"How is she?" Derek asked, looking worried.

"Who, Der?" she asked, wondering if this was a side effect to the anesthesia.

"How is she?" he asked again, starting to look a little panicked as he ignored Meredith's question.

"Derek, calm down," she said, reaching out to brush his curls off his forehead. "Who are you talking about?"

"You can't be gentle, Mer, you have to tell me if she's okay," Derek pleaded.

"Derek, who are you talking about?" she asked again, looking into his eyes. "There wasn't anyone with you."

Derek gave a frustrated groan. "My bike, Mer, is she okay?"

"You're seriously worried about your bike?" she asked. "You could have died. And you're worried about the damn bike?" She knew Mark had warned her, but she had still thought, still had hoped that maybe, maybe he wouldn't ask. Maybe, maybe they'd talk and fix things.

"Yes, Meredith, I'm worried about my bike," he sighed.

"You wrapped it around a tree," she frowned. "You survived."

"She didn't, did she?" Derek frowned.

"No," Meredith stated frankly. "No, the bike didn't."

"Fuck," Derek sighed.

"Derek, you lived," she reminded him. "You're okay."

"But she isn't," Derek said, banging his head against the pillow. "Life isn't worth it if I don't have my bike."

"Are you serious?" Meredith stared at him. "Seriously? You want to die because a fucking bike is gone? Jesus, Derek. You're okay. Mark had a fucking anxiety attack on the way here. And I, I...it's a fucking bike, Derek."

"It's my fucking bike, Mer. That...it meant the world to me. My dad gave it to me a couple of years before he died," Derek sighed.

"I get that, Derek," Meredith sighed. "I get that. But Derek, you're okay. What about Mark and your mom? And what about...what about...god Derek."

"What about what, Mer?" Derek groaned, obviously still upset about the loss of his bike.

"Nothing," she sighed, getting up. "Nothing."

"Meredith..." Derek sighed. "You're obviously...something is wrong."

"It's nothing," she shook her head. "Mark will be in here soon. He's calling your mom. Maybe he'll be able to convince you that life is worth it or something."

"Meredith, don't do this," Derek groaned. "You don't have be jealous of a bike."

"I'm not jealous of a bike," Meredith snapped. "I just thought...you could have died."

"You...you were worried about me?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "Not that it matters. I mean, you're more worried about your fucking bike than your own life."

"No I'm not," Derek shook his head. "I asked if I was okay first, didn't I?"

"And now you want to die," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You said so yourself."

"Holy hell, I was joking," Derek threw his hands in the air, wincing slightly in pain. "Mostly."

"Mostly?" Meredith stared at him, trying to blink back tears. "Do you have any idea how scared Mark was? I've never...he was...he wasn't Mark."

"Was he?" Derek smiled. "The ass loves me afterall."

"Yeah," Meredith shrugged, turning away. "I'm, uh, going to go. I'm glad you're okay. Sorry about, uh, your fucking bike."

"Meredith, wait," Derek pleaded, grabbing her hand. "I'm sorry."

She turned to him, her eyes filled with tears and she shook her head. "It's not enough, Derek," she whispered as she bent down and kissed his bruised head. "It's not enough."

"Mer..." he started again, feeling tears prick his own eyes, but he trailed off, not sure what else to say.

"Hey, dumbass," Mark strode in, a smile on his face. "Glad to see you're awake. Though, you might want to consider dying. Mom's on her way."

"Oh…oh okay," Derek said, blinking quickly before Mark saw his own emotion.

Meredith smiled gently at him, a tear already starting to fall from the corner of her right eye. "Good bye, Derek," she nodded firmly.

"Good bye, Meredith," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion, tears streaming down his face that he chose to ignore, as he gave her hand one final squeeze.

Meredith smiled sadly at Mark and turned to walk out of Derek's hospital room, pausing against the wall to finally let herself cry, her body shaking against the cold wall as she tried to ignore the pain that overtook her chest, trying to pretend it didn't hurt. Because it couldn't. Not anymore.

_And with a tear in my eye, give me the sweetest goodbye that I ever, ever, ever did receive_


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: After this update...well...you might actually think that we do own Grey's Anatomy. We might very well be Shonda after this...**

Derek stared at the crutches beside him as his club chatted around him. He hated those crutches. Hated them. It was the only thing he even felt passionate about, the hatred of the crutches. Because they represented that day, the fight with Meredith and the destruction of his bike. The crutches were reminders of them both. And neither were things he needed to think about.

Because when he thought about the fight with Meredith, he thought about the accident, which thankfully he couldn't really remember. All the cops had told him was that there was a sheet of ice and he had lost control. And that he was lucky to be alive. But when he remembered the accident, he thought about waking up to see Meredith in the chair beside his bed, and then his lost bike, and then Meredith saying goodbye. Which then led to tears.

Just over a month ago and his life had been normal, entirely normal. He spent most of his days studying, he didn't really go out, he was happy. Now he wasn't. Studying just seemed to fill the time, everything did. And he was lying if he said that the crutches only made him think of Meredith. Everything did. He hadn't known her that long and yet she had impacted everything.

Even Mark made him think of Meredith. Because apparently Mark and Meredith were friends now. Or something. He wasn't really sure. He wasn't even sure if it was Mark and Meredith, though he assumed the Mary Mark talkd about was Meredith. But he had lost the fight in him to correct Mark. Because saying her name hurt. Studying hurt. Listening to The Clash hurt.

Derek spent a lot of his time hating Stanton. Because he was the one that called that day to ask him to tutor that first day. If Staton had asked him to tutor he'd be sitting here happy, his bike outside and knowing he was meeting Mark so he could complain about the latest chick in his life. Derek wanted that life back.

"All right, everyone," the president of the club, a loser named Jordan Miller said, standing up. "I think that's it for today. We'll see you next week."

"Thank god," Derek groaned quietly as he reached over to grab the crutches. He had started wondering if Meredith was right, that this club was more dorky than anything else.

"Need some help?" a red head asked him, reaching over to grab his book bag. She was pretty enough, tall, thin, and dressed in a pencil skirt and a green silk button down. Stiletto pumps too. What the hell kind of college student dressed like that for a meeting?

"I'm fine," Derek grumbled.

"You sure?" she smiled at him. "Because you don't like fine. What happened?"

"Crashed my bike a couple weeks ago," Derek shrugged.

"Oh," she frowned, obviously a little uncomfortable. "I'm sorry to hear that. Derek, right?"

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "Sorry, I'm bad with names."

"Addison Forbes Montgomery," she smiled, holding out her hand.

"Hi," Derek murmured, shaking her hand quickly.

"Can I help you with your bag or your books?" she asked as he stood, balancing himself on the crutches.

"No, it's fine," Derek answered, trying to stay polite. He didn't want people helping him but he didn't want to be rude. "I've got it."

"Okay," she nodded, falling in step next to him as he hobbled from the room. "What field do you want to go into?"

"Neuro," Derek said. "You?"

"Obstetrics," she nodded. "Of course, I'd try for fellowships in genetics and neonatal care, I think. I find it all so fascinating."

"Ambitious," Derek laughed gently.

"Dedicated," she corrected, smiling. "Derek, I'm usually not this forward. But I was wondering, would you like my number?"

"Oh...ummm..." Derek cleared his throat. He hadn't thought of dating long before Meredith and since her, well everything had changed. "Umm...sure."

She smiled. "Do you have a day planner?" she asked, taking out her own.

"Got rid of it pretty recently, " Derek shrugged. That day planner defintiely made him think about Meredith.

"Oh," she sighed. "Was it in the accident with you?"

"Yeah," Derek lied. It was easier than explaining Meredith's feeling towards a day planner, and his feelings towards Meredith.

"Well, until you get a new one," she took out a pen and wrote something down and then tore a page out of hers, "here's my number. Don't lose it. I would love to discuss medicine with you over a cup of coffee."

"Okay," Derek nodded.

"Great," she smiled and then looked at her watch. "I have to run to class. It was wonderful talking to you, Derek. You'll call soon, won't you?"

"Sure," Derek shrugged.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek, where the yellow bruises were finally starting to fade. "I'll be looking forward to it," she whispered and then turned, going in the opposite direction.

Derek sighed. Addison Forbes Montgomery. She was...his type. Driven, sure of herself, put together, pretty. Completely totally his type. She was the girl he usually went for. Before Meredith. Before Meredith he would have been drinking coffee with Addison by now, because she was exactly his type. But right now he couldn't bring himself to care. He sighed and hobbled off into the freezing cold November afternoon. He was supposed to meet Mark at the coffee shop to study together, or something. He wasn't entirely sure. All he knew was that Addison Montgomery's number felt wrong in the pocket of his jeans. Because while she was his type, she wasn't Meredith.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Meredith stared at the book in front of her, the words blurring. She had been studying since this morning, she studied constantly. She hadn't missed a class, in two weeks she hadn't miss one class. And now she spent days studying. Night studying. Because Derek was damn wrong, she could do this. She wasn't an idiot who spent all her time drinking and fucking.

She actually hadn't had a drink in two weeks. She had forgotten what tequila tasted like. And she definitely hadn't fucked anyone since Derek. She wasn't even missing it. Not yet anyway. Well, she sort of was, but could do this. She could study and be the perfect student. And she had aced all of her tests in the past two weeks and her two research papers that were due in December were already done.

It wasn't easy, it was damn hard. And she was bored and missing having fun. It was causing tension between her and Cristina but she could do this. She was smart, she had potential. She wasn't that girl. She didn't need a bottle of alcohol to make herself happy. Life wasn't perfect but at least she was surviving it, she was proving herself. And she wasn't missing Derek.

"Hey, Mary," Mark said, sitting down across from her. They had become friends of some sorts in the past couple of weeks. He wasn't as annoying but every conversation started out the same way. And he still called her Mary. "Missed you at the party last night."

"Meredith," she corrected him, but smiling a little. At least what counted for a smile now. "And I was studying."

"Mary, you know I love you, but this studying thing?" he sighed. "You're turning into Derek. And I can only stand one geek at a time."

"We don't take about him, remember?" Meredith sighed. "And I need to study. I can't fail."

"Mary, you're acing every class," he reminded her gently and then pushed a cup of coffee towards her. "Got you another cup.

"Thanks," Meredith smiled. Somehow it turned out that Mark wasn't a jackass. No one was about to give him a good samaritan award but he had his good sides. Like bringing her coffee. "And I'm acing all my classes because I'm studying."

"I'm acing all of my classes and I go to parties," he shrugged. "And anyway, how am I supposed to get into your pants if you're studying?"

"You're not getting in my pants," Meredith sighed. "And I don't know balance. I don't do balance. It's one of the other, I choose acing."

He sighed. "Mary."

"What?" Meredith snapped.

"Put the books away," he said softly, closing her book on her notebook and pen. "You look like shit. When's the last time you slept?"

"Last night," Meredith argued opening the book again.

"Really?" he arched an eyebrow at her, reaching forward to close the book again.

"Yes, really," Meredith nodded, hitting his hand away from her book.

"Because you look almost as bad as my idiot room mate," Mark said. "Which is saying something considering he looks like shit."

"Derek looks like shit?" Meredith asked, immediately regretting showing any interest.

"He doesn't sleep," Mark shrugged. "Doesn't eat. He threw away his day planner, Mary. Actually threw it away."

"Oh," Meredith frowned. Derek wasn't Derek anymore, she didn't even have to see him to know that, Mark's story were enough. "I...I... I don't care. Why would I care? Why tell me? Derek's an ass and I don't care if he's not sleeping. And I definitely don't care about his day planner. I just don't care."

"He misses you," Mark sighed. "Come on, Mary, you know you miss him too."

"No I don't," Meredith shook her head. "I don't miss that...I don't miss him. I could care less what he's doing with his life and if he's sleep. I certainly don't miss him."

"Whatever," Mark rolled his eyes. "Come on, Mary. Skip your afternoon class and get a drink with me. Tequila's on me. And I won't even try anything."

"No, I can't skip. If I hadn't skipped in the first place I never would have met him and my life would be..." Meredith trailed off.

"Would be what, Mary?" Mark asked gently. He had his days. He had his days when he really wanted to listen to her. When she could see why Derek and Mark were friends, brothers. When he reminded her of Derek. She hated those days.

"Nothing, nothing, Mark. Everything would be...it would be the exact same," Meredith said quickly.

Mark just nodded and then looked up. "Derek!" he said, a little too loudly.

"Derek?" Meredith whispered, refusing to see what Mark was looking at.

"Sorry I am late," came a voice behind her, a voice that sounded like Derek only more gruff, more tired. "I almost killed myself on the fucking stairs. I hate winter."

"That's fine," Mark said, sounding far too happy. "Mary here kept me entertained."

"M-Mary," Derek stammered and then hobbled around to a chair, staring as Meredith came into view.

"Hey Derek," Meredith said really quietly, not actually looking at him.

"Hi, Meredith," he said even more quietly. "Uh, what's, uh, how are you doing?"

"I'm goo...I'm okay," Meredith whispered. "You?"

"I'm going to leave you two crazy kids alone," Mark grinned, standing.

"Mark!" they both shouted.

Mark shrugged and then walked off towards the coffee counter, Derek falling into the chair he had just left. They sat there in an awkward silence, Meredith staring at her book, Derek staring at her. She looked tired. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and she was wearing the Dartmouth shirt she had been wearing the night of the accident. "Mer," he whispered.

"Derek," Meredith started, finally looking at him. And she regretted it. He looked like everything Mark had said. He needed a hair cut, and a shave, and some sleep. She hated seeing him like that. "Just...I...don't."

He nodded carefully as he looked into her exhausted green eyes. "I, uh," he took a deep breath, "you look good."

"So do you," Meredith responded.

He laughed harshly, knowing it was a lie. He looked like shit. The bruises were fading, but they made his skin a weird yellowish tone, and he had lost weight. His mother had spent a week and a half begging him to eat. "This," he started, "we don't have to...this..." He trailed off, staring at her. "How are your classes?"

"Good, I've been..." Meredith trailed off. "Yours classes, how are your classes going?"

"Fine," he shrugged. He didn't tell her he had made his first D since his freshman year. It didn't matter. He had blamed it on the accident, on the pain pills.

"That's umm...it's good," Meredith nodded, studying him closer. She couldn't look at his eyes, at least not carefully. Because something was missing there, something that had made him Derek. It was gone.

He nodded as he rubbed his leg, it suddenly hurt him, and badly. So did the ribs he had bruised two weeks earlier. And his chest hurt, though he couldn't pinpoint a reason for it. "How's uh...how's Cristina?"

"Cristina," Mer giggled nervously. "We...umm...there's been tension, but it's...fine."

"Why tension?" he asked, leaning forward a little, wanting to take her hand. To feel her.

"Oh...ummm..." she cleared her throats. "Things are...complicated and whatever."

"Complicated?" he urged.

"I'm...uhh...it's... things changed. And I umm...lots of work and stuff," Meredith shrugged.

Derek nodded a little, because things had changed. Things had definitely changed. "Mer," he started, just as Mark came walking up.

"Derek," she whispered quickly before Mark looked at the table. She didn't even have something to say, just...he was there.

"Have you two kissed and made up yet?" Mark grinned as he handed Derek a cup of coffee.

"No," they both murmured, looking at each other and laughing nervously.

"I, uh," Meredith said, pushing her books into her bag, "I have class in twenty minutes. I should go. Um, yeah. Thanks for the coffee, Mark."

Mark nodded. "No problem, Mary. Sure you can't skip?"

"Definitely not," she shook her head. "I, uh, tests and studying. And pop quizzes. But uh, maybe another time? Or not. I don't know." She turned to take one last look at Derek, her heart breaking at the look on his face, at his bruises and his dead non Derek like eyes. "It was good...seeing you again," she said slowly, carefully.

"You too, Mer," Derek sighed. "Maybe ummm...we can talk more next time."

She nodded quickly and turned to Mark. "I'll call you later," she sighed.

"Counting on it," Mark smiled, reaching out to give her a hug.

She let him hold her for a second, let him support her. Mark could tell when she was about to fall apart, and he was holding her together for just a second when he hugged her. She pulled away slowly and nodded to Derek. "Bye," she whispered, and then walked off quickly.

"Ass," Derek sighed, sipping at his coffee.

"What?" Mark turned to his friend. "You two are like fucking puppy dogs. Moping around. It's bringing me down, man."

"It's none of your business," Derek argued.

"It is my business," Mark nodded. "You broke Mary."

"What? I didn't do anything," Derek groaned. "Well I did, but I apologized."

"Shep, the poor girl doesn't sleep," Mark sighed. "And it's been forever since she had a drop of tequila. You broke her."

"She doesn't sleep?" Derek asked, his concern taking over his annoyance with her.

"She says she does," Mark shrugged as he sipped at his own coffee. "But you saw her. Does it look like she's sleeping? And it's not the 'I got fucked last night because I partied all night' lack of sleep. I could handle that. She stays up all night studying. She called me at four in the morning the other night to ask me a physioanatomy question."

"Studying? That's not Mer," Derek said, fiddling with the lid on his coffee.

"All she does is study," Mark groaned. "She's turning into you."

"Why? She's not...she doesn't need to do that," Derek shook his head.

"Who the hell knows?" Mark shrugged, but averted his eyes. Derek could tell he knew, but he wasn't telling. "God, Shep, why don't you get your head out of your ass and apologize or something? I don't like the new Mary."

"I tried, Mark. She said it wasn't enough," Derek groaned. "What the hell else am I supposed to do?"

"She said it wasn't enough," Mark nodded. "But she meant something different. If you'd open your fucking eyes you'd know what it was."

"Do you want to tell me, all brilliant one?" Derek asked.

"No," Mark shook his head. "Because you need to figure this one out by yourself, genius."

"Mark, it's useless, Mer and I are over," Derek stated.

"Did the accident kill brain cells or something?" Mark asked. "Because you're a complete dumbass."

Derek shook his head. "She'll get over this, she'll find someone who won't fuck her on the first date."

"Dude, you were fucking drunk," Mark hissed. "We've been through this, Shep."

"Yeah and nothing has changed," Derek said. "And hell, she barely even looks at me. She runs away."

"You're an idiot," Mark sighed as he leaned back in his chair. "A complete moron."

"Do me a favour, Mark," Derek sighed.

"What?" Mark looked up.

"Take care of her. When she's over this and back to being her, with the parties, take care of her," Derek pleaded.

"She's never going to party again," Mark sighed. "Don't you listen to a fucking thing I say?"

"Yeah, I'm listening. She's fucking miserable. I'm fucking miserable. But it was one day, she's not about to spend the rest of her life pining over me," Derek groaned.

Mark rolled his eyes. "It's not about pining for you," he growled.

"Than what the hell is it?" Derek spat.

Mark shook his head. "I told you, Shep. I'm not telling you. Because if used that future neurosurgeon brain of yours, you'd know in a second," he stated firmly.

"So I'm supposed to figure out what's going on in her head," Derek groaned.

Mark nodded. "Yeah," he nodded. "You used to be good at that."

"That's before I met Mer," Derek sighed.

Mark just sighed and ran his hands over his face. "How was your Dorks of America meeting?" he suddenly asked.

"Boring as all hell," Derek said laughing gently. "Some chick gave me her number."

"Really?" Mark's chair fell back onto all fours as he stared at Derek. "Even with you looking like you had a fight with a wall, some chick gave your her number?"

"I'm hot stuff," Derek shrugged with no enthusiasm in his voice.

"I'm impressed," Mark said carefully. "You gonna call her?"

Derek just shrugged. "She's my type."

"Oh Christ," Mark rolled his eyes.

"What?" Derek asked confused.

"Your type," Mark shook his head. "Never mind. I have to run. Give her a call if she's your type." He was taking his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Maybe," Derek shrugged.

Mark nodded and clapped his hand carefully against Derek's back. "See ya later, Shep," he said.

Derek watched as his friend walked away. Calling Addison would make sense, she was his type, they'd be content together, they'd get along well. She wouldn't make fun of his day planner if he bought a replacement. She wouldn't laugh at his studying habbits. And she would hate his music and his jacket and his bike if he ever replaced it. She wasn't Meredith.

_But that wouldn't change the fact, that wouldn't speed the time, once the foundation's cracked, and I'm still hurting._


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Staring at the Sun is an AMAZING episode...but if we owned Grey's it wouldn't be on tomorrow. Well maybe it would be...we'd replace it with a really extended bathtub scene.**

"You okay?" Addison whispered to Derek as he hobbled into the coffee shop next to her. He had nearly fallen right outside the door because the asses had forgotten to salt the icy sidewalk and Addison was now playing worried girlfriend. Or friend that was a girl. Or girl he happened to be dating. Had gone out on three dates with. He wasn't sure exactly what Addison was, but he did enjoy spending time with her.

"I'm fine," Derek answered, smiling at her. Addison was good for him, she wasn't Meredith but that was good. She was driven, she was smart, she knew what she wanted. And Derek wanted to be with her. He needed someone like her, they fit. She was his type and things were good.

"You sure?" she smiled back at him, leaning forward to kiss him.

He kissed her quickly. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good," she leaned her head on his shoulder as they stood in line. "Do you want to find a seat? I can order, you should be propping up your leg."

"Don't worry about it," Derek shrugged.

"Derek," Addison said gently, "don't act like it doesn't hurt. I know it does. Find a seat and I'll grab the coffee."

"Thanks, Addie," he said, grabbing her hand and giving it a tight squeeze, enjoying the way she watched out for him.

She kissed him quickly again, and then turned back towards the line, letting him hobble off to find a table in the crowded coffee shop. Finals were still a few weeks away, but all the professors were working hard to give one last test before the final exams, and everyone was studying. Everyone except Derek. He studied with Addie sometimes, but he still found the act of studying to be painful.

He was happy with Addison, but he still thought of her constantly. Everything still reminded him of her, even the simple process of studying. They had known each other for such a short time and yet she had managed to change everything. He hobbled over to a table, trying to keep his thoughts on Addison and their happiness. And then some dirty blonde hair caught his eye.

Her books surrounded her, three empty cups of coffee balancing precariously on the different books. She was staring at him, a panicked look in her eyes, her pen and highlighter dangling from her fingertips. He tried to smile at her, but he couldn't. This wasn't his Meredith. Because this Meredith was wearing a sweatshirt and sweat pants. This Meredith looked dead on her feet. This wasn't his Meredith.

His heart squeezed as he looked into her eyes. Something else was tangled in the panic, something he wasn't quite sure what it was but he had never seen it before and he didn't like it. Something in them was gone, dead or something. It terrified him. Because this was the fireball he had tutored, the one he had gone to a party with. This wasn't his Meredith.

She suddenly jumped up, jolting the table and nearly knocking off the three empty coffee cups. She quickly caught them and started jamming books into her book bag. He made a move to help her as a book fell out of her hands but found he was frozen. He couldn't move. Because he could swear she was crying. It was stupid, but he could swear his Meredith was crying.

He wanted to go to her, grab her frenzied hands and hold them still. He wanted to pull her close and stop the tears, for whatever reason she was crying, the tears hurt him. She wasn't supposed to be crying. It had been weeks, things were supposed to be better. He had to go to her. And then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay?" Addison whispered in his ear.

"Yeah," Derek breathed, nodding. "Yeah."

"It's so crowded in here," Addison sighed. "Is Mark at the apartment? We should just go back there."

Derek looked at where Meredith had been and smiled sadly. "Yeah, might as well."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Addison looked at him, concern in her eyes. "Is it the pain?"

Derek sighed, closing his eyes quickly as he tried to pretend the prickle of tears weren't there. "Yeah, it's the pain," he nodded. It just wasn't the pain Addison was talking about.

**GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA**

Meredith couldn't study. She couldn't look at her books. She couldn't do anything except try to breathe. Because she couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe. She hadn't been able to breathe since the second she had seen Derek walk into the coffee shop with a tall, beautiful redhead. She hadn't been able to breathe since the second the redhead had kissed Derek. And Derek had squeezed her hand.

Apparently Derek had moved on rather quickly. Quicker than she had expected. Quicker than she had. She was...she was studying a lot, and not drinking and not even dressing in her normal clothes. Because of Derek. And he had moved on to some tall leggy red head that looked like Isabelle friggin Rosilini.

"What is the matter with you?" Cristina asked as she came into the room, taking off her jacket and scarf.

"Nothing," Meredith murmured, refusing to meet her roommates eyes.

"Fucking liar," Cristina growled. "People who have nothing wrong with them don't hyperventilate."

"Derek..." Meredith gulped. "Fucking...ass."

"What the fuck did McDreamy do now?" Cristina rolled her eyes.

"He...he..." Meredith gulped again trying to catch her breath. "Ass."

"Seriously, Mer, breathe," Cristina finally started to look concerned. "Do I need to call McSteamy?"

Meredith shook her head. Mark wouldn't help, Mark would have known. He would have known and he didn't tell her, didn't bother to warn her that Derek was a huge ass. She definitely did not need to see Mark. "He...he...should have...told me."

"Told you what?" Cristina frowned.

"Derek..." Meredith tried to say. "I...I...red head, stupid red head."

"McDreamy's a red head?" Cristina stared at her. "What the hell are you trying to say, Mer?"

"Coffee shop...he...with...dumb slut," Meredith said.

"He's dating again?" Cristina attempted to clarify.

Meredith nodded as a new set of tears sprang to her eyes. "She's...she's...not me."

"Obviously," Cristina sighed. "So...what does she look like?"

"Perfect," Meredith sniffled. "Tall and long legged and perfect."

"Sucks," Cristina shrugged. "So now you can go out and do normal shit again. Instead of moping around like someone shot your puppy."

"Derek...I can't Cristina, I can't," Meredith sighed.

"What is your deal?" Cristina stared at her. "You went on one date with him, which by the way, it wasn't even a date. It was a party. Where the two of you fucked. Not that big of a deal, Mer. Just move on."

"Cristina," Meredith breathed, wiping away tears. "I...it's not that simple, it's...things, I thought things were different with him."

"You fucked him, Mer. That's it. How the hell were things different?"

New tears sprang to her eyes. "I love him," she mumbled.

"What?" Cristina stared at her. "Meredith, do not tell me you just said you love McDreamy."

Meredith shook her head quickly. "I...I...it's...he's Derek."

"He has a day planner, Meredith," Cristina reminded her. "He's a complete freak. You seriously need tequila. And a good fuck."

"He, Cristina...he wasn't a freak, I...I...he isn't..." Meredith gulped.

"Okay, that's it," Cristina got off her bed. "We're going out. We're calling McSteamy and we're getting you drunk. This is so fucking ridiculous. You're saying you loved a guy. It's...disgusting. There's obviously something seriously the matter with you."

"I don't want to go out," Meredith cried. "I want...I want Derek."

Cristina stared at her. "Meredith, now. Get your ass out of that bed now. And call McSteamy. You can't...this is gross. Seriously, Meredith. You need a good lay. Or a vibrator."

Meredith shook her head quickly. "I...I can't do this."

"Do what?" Cristina asked.

"Anything," Meredith sighed. "I can't...he...he changed everything."

"Oh god, Mer," Cristina rolled her eyes. "So you love him? Is that what you're telling me? You love Derek the dork? You love McFreak?"

"No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "I can't...he's...I definitely don't love him. That would be stupid, he's a guy...he's...no, I don't love him. It's just...Derek."

"That's right," Cristina nodded. "It's just Derek. McDayplanner. McPencilsinSex. So get your ass out of bed, Mer. We're going out."

"I don't know," Meredith answered. "I should...I should study."

"Study?" Cristina stared at her. "Who the hell are you and what have you done with my person?"

"Finals are coming," Meredith replied. "I can't...I need to pass."

"You're already passing," Cristina said. "Stanton would kiss your ass if you asked."

Meredith nodded. "But...this is...it's, finals are important, I can't fail."

"Meredith, one night won't kill you."

"I can't fail," Meredith shook her head again. "Der...I can't fail."

Cristina stared at her for a second and then sighed. "Whatever, Mer," she sighed, grabbing her coat again and going to the door. "Give me a call when Meredith is back."

"I...I...I'm sorry," Meredith whispered.

Cristina slammed the door behind her, leaving Meredith on her bed, tears pouring down her cheeks as she reached for her books and tried to forget that Derek had a perfect leggy redhead. As she tried to ignore the ache in her chest. As she tried to pretend nothing had just happened.

_"What's the point in telling everybody I'm not over you?"_


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy this Grey's Day would be much happier as it would be a new episode

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy this Grey's Day would be much happier as it would be a new episode. But Happy Grey's Day anyway!**

Derek thought there was nothing he could hate more than his crutches, but he had been wrong. The cane in his hand topped everything, even day planners and the library. He felt like a friggin old man hobbling around campus. Addison was great about it, she never made fun of him, laughed or anything. And she stuck by his side to help him out. It was driving him nuts.

"You got it?" she asked him as she hovered behind him as they climbed the steps to the Psychology building.

"Yeah," Derek nodded, moving slowly. "I'm fine."

"Be careful, it's snowed since they last salted the steps," she said softly, putting her hand on the small of his back.

"I got it, Addie," Derek groaned.

"I know you do," she sighed. "I'm sorry. I just, I don't want you to hurt yourself again."

"I know," Derek sighed, feeling slightly bad for the fact he was annoyed with her. "I just...I want my independence back."

"Don't worry," she nodded, rubbing his back soothingly, "The doctor said you'd be back on your own two feet by New Year's."

"Fucking wonderful," Derek groaned.

"Derek," she hissed. Addison hated when he swore. She never did. She was classier than that.

"Sorry," Derek muttered.

"Okay," Addison nodded, stepping in front of him to open the door. "So what are we doing here again?"

"Nothing," Derek shook his head. "I just...I have something to check."

"Derek," Addison sighed, "I checked your grades this morning because I didn't want you out with your cane in this weather."

"Addison, you're not my mother, I can take care of myself," Derek snapped.

Addison stopped walking next to him, nodding carefully. "I know. Of course...I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Derek groaned. "I just...I have to check something."

"Okay," she sighed as she followed him down the hall where final grades before finals were posted. "What are we looking at?"

"Just...nothing," Derek shrugged, searching the papers for the class he needed to find.

"Why are you looking at freshmen classes?" Addison asked.

"No reason," Derek sighed, finding the paper and searching for her student number.  
His finger rested by her number and he stared for a moment, completely unable to believe what he was looking at. This was...it wasn't possible. "Derek, you're smiling," Addison frowned.

"I'm smiling," Derek nodded. 96, she got a 96 in the class. She hadn't just passed, she had aced it. Or close there to. She had killed it. He couldn't help but smile as he filled with pride. Meredith had done it. She had proved him wrong. She had proved her mom wrong.

He looked quickly over the other grades, the smile on his face growing wider. She hadn't only aced the class, she had the highest grade. She was the number one student, the other grades paled in comparison next to her. "Derek, are you okay?" Addison whispered.

"Perfect, Addie. I'm perfect," he sighed, not tearing his eyes away from the grade.

"Can we go?" she asked.

"I have something I have to do," Derek said.

"We were going to go grab a cup of coffee before the meeting," she reminded him.

"I know," Derek nodded. "There's just...something I have to do."

"Derek," Addie sighed as he turned and leaned heavily on his cane, walking as quickly as he could. "Derek! What about the meeting?"

"I'll try to be there," he nodded. He didn't even know where he was going, Meredith wouldn't want to see him. But he had to tell her, he had to see her and congratulate her.

Addison frowned and turned on her heels, walking quickly away. Derek was moody. He did this sometimes, completely disappeared within himself. And now he was skipping the meeting after looking at a first year's grades. She walked quickly down the hallway, fuming, not really looking where she was going, at least, not until she ran right into somebody.

"If it isn't Addison?" Mark smiled.

"Oh, Mark," she sighed, already annoyed.

"Where's your better half?" Mark asked, looking around. "And by better, I really do many better."

"Who knows?" Addison rolled her eyes. "He was looking at freshmen grades and he just sort of limped off. He said he had something to do."

"What? Freshman..." Mark started, looking confussion. But realization dawned in his eyes. "Oh, Mary."

"Mary?" Addison frowned. "Who's Mary?"

"Oh, no one. Derek's in love with her," Mark shrugged, as if he had just told her the weather.

"W-what?" Addison stared at him. She hated Mark. Hated him. She found him to be lewd and a terrible influence on Derek. She tried to hide this from Derek, but there were times when she wished Mark would completely go away. "Derek's in love with her? I've never even heard him talk about her."

"Of course you haven't, it's denial," Mark nodded.

"You're so full of it, Mark," Addison shook her head.

"Addison, I wish for your sake I was," Mark said, then stopped to pretend to look pensive. "Actually no I don't. But it really is the truth. She's the reason he crashed his bike."

"Mark, I think I would have heard about her," Addison insisted.

Mark sighed in frustration. "Addison, he's using you in hopes of getting over her, do you think he'd talk about her?"

"Well, she must be terrible," Addison smiled smugly. "Because I won him."

"Oh really?" Mark asked looking around. "Because from what you said, I think he might be on his way to go see her."

Addison frowned for a moment. "He's joining my family for Christmas Eve," she said lightly. "I won him. And if this little girl thinks she can get him back, well, I fight for what I want, Mark."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Mary doesn't have to get him back, she's always had him."

"That's deep, Mark, did you think of it all by yourself?" Addison mocked.

Mark groaned. "They're fucking miserable without each other. Derek isn't Derek and Mary isn't Mary. They still have each other."

"I think Derek is Derek," Addison said. "And I like him a lot. I could even love him one day. I think we'd make a beautiful couple, don't you? We'd be Addison and Derek."

"It's never going to happen," Mark smiled. "He loves Mary, he's always loved Mary. Since the day he met her. He could never love you like that."

"Don't be sure, Mark," Addison shook her head. "Now, I have a meeting to go. Please tell me you won't be at the apartment tonight."

"Hoping to get lucky?" Mark winked.

"Mark, there is more to life than sex," Addison sighed. "And I am not discussing my sex life with you. It's disgusting."

"So you're not getting any," Mark laughed. "Not that I expected any. Derek has his hand and memories of Mary."

"You're disgusting, Mark," Addison grimaced.

"Mary loves me, another point for her," Mark nodded.

"Anyone who loves you is clearly delusional," Addison snapped.

"Oh, so Derek is delusional?" Mark asked.

She frowned. "I didn't mean that," she said. "Though, I do sometimes wonder if it's the pain medication."

"I'm his brother, Addison. If you want Derek you have to take me too," Mark shrugged.

Addison just shook her head. "I wouldn't be so sure of that, Mark. Now, I really do have to go. Please be gone tonight."

"Sure," Mark said, looking at her with disgust. "I'll be gone just so Derek can put you in your fucking spot when he turns you down."

"Language, Mark," she said softly. "And you know you'll eventually have to accept me. Once Derek and I become Addison and Derek."

"He'll be back to fucking Mary by the New Year," Mark smiled.

Addison had started walking away, but she paused for a moment, turning to look at Mark, her eyes completely cold. "I suggest you tell Mary to back down now. Because when I fight, I do win."

"Oh I'll be sure to do that," Mark rolled his eyes.

Addison nodded smugly. "Goodbye, Mark."

"Goodbye Addison. Good luck with the sex tonight, I suggest you bring a vibrator with you," Mark laughed.

Addison looked horrified as she turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Mark laughing uproariously.

Derek stared at the door in front of him wondering what he was doing here. She would slam the door in his face the second she saw his face. She didn't want him here. He shouldn't even be here, he wasn't sure why he was. He was with Addison now, she was perfect for him. He was happy, or at least trying to be happy. And he definitely shouldn't be here. But she had gotten a 96.

He raised his hand, preparing to knock but then paused. Maybe this was a bad idea. It had to be a bad idea. He turned and started to limp away, but heard her door open. "Hey, McAss!" he heard Cristina call.

"Cristina," he greeted, smiling slightly. "Is...umm...is Meredith here?"

"No," Cristina frowned. "She's at the library."

"Oh...umm...okay," Derek shrugged.

"You're a fucking ass," Cristina muttered.

"Excuse me?" Derek asked.

"You're an asshole," Cristina crossed her arms over her chest. "You fucking broke her and now you're stringing her along."

"What are you talking about?" Derek was confused.

"You broke Meredith," Cristina said slowly. "Am I talking in another language here? You broke her."

"I broke her?" Derek asked. "You do realize we only went on one date...if you can even call it that."

"Whatever, McAss," Cristina rolled her eyes. "Meredith is broken. All she does is study anymore. It's ridiculous."

"She's doing well in her classes, that's not a bad thing," Derek pointed out, even though he was frowning.

"Are you mentally challenged?" Cristina stared at him. "It's all she does. That's it. I offer her tequila and she pulls out a fucking book."

"Well...ummm..." Derek sputtered. Part of him rejoiced at those words, because Meredith was brilliant, she could go so far and studying was good. And if she wasn't out partying it meant he didn't have to worry about her, not that he had been. And she was miserable too. It wasn't just him. But...that wasn't Meredith, not his Meredith. "I...I'm sorry."

Cristina just rolled her eyes again and moved to close the door. "Just don't break her anymore," she said. "Go find her and if you break her anymore, like if she starts watching chick flicks and reading romance novels, I'll cut off your dick."

"I...I..." Derek sputtered. He never sputtered but Cristina was...intense. "I'll go find her."  
Katie says:  
Cristina slammed the door in his face and he turned, limping down the hallway as his thoughts rushed. What was the matter with his Meredith? His Meredith drank when she was miserable. His Meredith drank and sex with inappropriate men. His Meredith didn't stop drinking and start studying all the time. And how had he broken her? He hadn't done anything.

He began hobbling towards the library, his leg was getting sore but he couldn't stop, not now. He had to find his Meredith. He had to make sure she was okay and talk to her. He had to tell her that he proud of her, but...but he didn't know what. But this time he wasn't wondering what he was doing, he had to find her. Simple as that. Make sure Cristina was wrong, Meredith couldn't be broken.

He nearly killed himself walking up the steps to the library and he couldn't help but wonder why there were so many damn steps in the world. But once he was safely inside, he looked around the crowded library quickly. It was the week before finals and the library was packed with study groups and students pouring over notes, iPod stuck in their ears as they bit their nails.

The familiar hair caught his eye as he wound his way slowly around the tables. She was out, her head resting on her book as she took an accidental nap. He couldn't help but smile at her sleeping, she looked peaceful. As he got closer though, he saw the lines of stress drawn on her face even as she dreamed. What had happened to his Meredith? "Mer," he whispered, placing a hand gently on her arm.

"W-what?" she muttered in her sleep. "Five minutes."

"Mer, you're in the library," Derek said a little more loudly, giving her arm a tight squeeze.

She jolted away suddenly, almost knocking over a cup of coffee that was next to her. "What? What time is it?"

"It's two," Derek told her. "Why are you sleeping in the library?"

"I wasn't," Meredith shook her head. "I was studying. Finals...and studying."

"You were definitely sleeping," Derek smiled.

"I wasn't," Meredith shook her head and then looked at him, as if she were just realizing he was there. "D-Derek?"

Derek gently laughed. "Yeah."

"What are you doing here?" she murmured, suddenly ducking her head down to stare at her highlighted book.

"Someone had to wake you up," Derek shrugged, pulling up a chair to sit beside her. He needed to get weight off his leg. "And I saw your mark."

"Oh," Meredith sighed. "The one that isn't good enough?"

"What?" Derek asked, looking completely confused. "You got a 96, Mer. It was the highest mark in the class. It's amazing."

"No," she shook her head, sighing as she started wringing her hands. "I have to ace the final. I have to. If I don't. But I have to. I have to so I can make a 100. I have to. God, a 96. I was so fucking stupid at the beginning of the semester."

Without thinking, Derek grabbed her hand. "Meredith a 96 is an amazing mark. You're doing great, you don't have to make 100. You really don't have to."

She stared at his hand on hers for a moment, and she quickly pulled away. "Perfect," she mumbled.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Nothing," Meredith shook her head as she yawned. "I can't believe I fell asleep. Finals are less than a week away. I can't fall asleep."

"You need sleep," Derek sighed. "You should go home and take a nap."

"I'm fine," Meredith shook her head. "I just need another cup of coffee, that's all."

"You're not fine. You fell asleep in the middle of a library, all you do is study, you're living on coffee and you look like shit," Derek told her.

She looked up at him, her eyes shining with tears. "Well, I'm sorry we can't be all be Isabella friggin Rosselini."

"What are you talking about?" he asked gently, fighting off the urge to pull her close. Her tears killed him.

"Nothing," she sighed. "Nothing. It's nothing. I'm fine. You're fine. We're all fine. We're all perfectly fine."

"I'm not fine," Derek admitted under his breath.

"What?" she breathed.

"I'm not fine," Derek said louder, shaking his head.

"Y-you're not?" she asked.

Derek shook his head again, smiling sadly at her. "I'm just...I'm not."

"B-because of the accident?" she asked, though he saw something in her eyes, something begging him to say it wasn't the accident.

"Not because of the accident," he said and then laughed quietly. "Although that cane is fucking annoying."

She giggled a little, and his heart soared. "I was about to say, old man..."

He laughed and then fake frowned at her. "You mean it's not sexy?"

"I guess if I were into sixty year old men it would be," she giggled.

"But I'd be a sexy sixty year old man," he nodded, a smug smile tugging at his lips.

She tipped her head to the smile, chewing on her bottom lip. "Yeah," she nodded. "Yeah, you would be."

Derek stared at her lips, he couldn't pull his eyes away. "It's better than the crutches," he lamely said, clearing his throat.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm not fine either," she whispered.

Derek reached over again, grabbing her hand and lacing their fingers together. "I'm sorry. I...I don't...I know it's not enough, and I'm not completely sure what I'm apologizing for, but I'm sorry. I never meant...I never meant for any of this to happen."

"Me neither," she sighed. "I-I wanted, you...and there was the accident and...you're not fine. And there's Isabella freakin Rosselini. And now..."

"We're a mess," Derek nodded, squeezing her hand.

"We are," she sighed, reaching up with her free hand to wipe away a tear.

"I wish...I want to fix this," Derek sighed.

"How?" she murmured.

"Honestly? I don't know. I just...if you know how, I'd be happy to do it," Derek smiled.

"Derek, I, I," she took a deep breath and looked down at her books. "No...I have no idea."

Derek sighed, blinking tears back quickly. "So we're a mess."

"We are," she nodded, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were coming.

Derek reached over and wiped them away for her, and then cuppped her cheek gently in his hand, forcing her to look at him. "But that doesn't mean you get to kill yourself."

"I'm not," she insisted. "I'm studying. You study. I'm just studying."

"And you're not sleeping, you need to sleep Mer. No one cares if you make 100 if you're dead," Derek pointed out.

"I sleep," she shrugged.

Derek shook his head. "We might be a mess but you don't get to lie to me."

Meredith sighed and then looked up at him, a fresh wave of tears coming. "Do you love her?"

"Love...who?" Derek asked.

"Isabella..." she trailed off. "The girl in the coffee shop with you?"

"Oh," Derek sighed and shook his head. "No...she's...you're studying non stop and I'm dating her. She's my trying to be fine."

Meredith nodded. "She's...your type."

"She's my type," Derek nodded. "At least I thought she was..."

"Thought?" Meredith whispered, and Derek saw a glimmer of something in her eyes. Hope?

"Things are...different," Derek sighed and then looked down. "She's not you," he whispered.

"That's...that's a good thing," Meredith whispered back.

"Is it?" he asked, looking up at her, tears shining in his eyes.

"Yeah," Meredith murmured. "She's...she's..." She was crying now, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Oh, Mer," Derek whispered, shifting his chair closer to her and pulling her into his arms. "It'll be okay, we'll figure this out."

Meredith pulled away from him, turning to look at her books. "I, uh," she breathed, "I should study."

Derek wiped some tears away from his cheeks, as he stood up reaching for her books. "You're going home and taking a nap," he bossed her, his voice thick with emotion.

"I can't," she shook her head. "I have to study. And you're not the boss of me anymore."

"Meredith, you don't have to study, you have to sleep," he argued, grabbing her bag and slipping the books inside.

"Derek, if I don't study," she protested, trying to grab the books out of his hand, "bad things will happen. I have to study. You understand this."

"Bad things? What bad things?" Derek asked, confused."Just...bad," she sighed. "I'll never...you'll...I'll never...my mom..." She yawned. "Bad."

"Mer, you could be the best doctor in the world and your mom still won't be impressed," Derek rolled his eyes. "And you're pratically dead on your feet. Go home, sleep for an hour. The books will still be there when you wake up."

"This coming from Derek the Dork?" Meredith stared at him.

"Yes, because Derek the Dork sleeps," Derek nodded. "And well...I don't study as much anymore."

"You-you don't?" Meredith frowned.

"No, I don't," Derek sighed. "Because studying...it makes me think of Derek the Dork, which makes me think of you and we're not discussing this. We're discussing the fact you need sleep."

"Mark said you threw away the day planner," Meredith stated.

"I did," Derek nodded.

Meredith frowned and then stood up next to him, swaying ever so slightly. "I don't like us being a mess."

"Neither do I," Derek said, reaching over to steady her.

"Derek, I," she took her bag. "I...I want...we need to be fixed."

Derek sighed and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close again, smiling as the flowery smell surrounded him. "I know."

She pulled away and sighed. "Are you going to be okay with your cane, old man?"

Derek laughed. "I could probably use some help with the stairs."

She nodded and placed her tiny hand on the small of his back. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Derek sighed.

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence and then Meredith smiled. "So how do I help the sixty year old man down the stairs?" she giggled.

Derek smiled and offered him her arm. "Just grab my arm, let me use you for balance."

"Okay," she nodded, letting him hold her arm as they made their way down the steps, slowly. Derek almost slipped once but caught himself on Meredith who didn't say a word about it. She didn't fuss like Addie. She just let him work it out on his own. She gave him independence.

The finally reached the bottom but she didn't let go of his arm. "So you're going home to sleep?" Derek asked.

She shrugged. "I don't sleep well," she admitted.

"I don't sleep well either," Derek admitted. "But give it a try. For me."

"Okay," she whispered. "I'll try. Are you...what are you...is she waiting for you?"

Derek shrugged. "We have a Future Doctors of America meeting but I think I'm just going to head home."

"Skipping a meeting, Derek?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"I can," Derek nodded and then cleared his throat. "The meeting are kind of...boring."

She giggled. "And to think I was considering becoming a member."

Derek shook his head. "Please don't, you are far too cool for us."

She nodded. "So...what now?"

Derek sighed. "I don't know. I wish...I want to have an answer but I don't."

"You always have the answers," she sighed and then finally let go of his arm. "You'll be okay on your way home, old man? No wrapping yourself around trees?"

"You get in an accident one time and they never trust you again," Derek laughed.

She giggled. "Be careful, Derek."

"You too," he smiled and then suddenly remembered why he had come to find her in the first place. "Oh I forgot..."

"What?" she asked, a smile playing on her lips.

He pulled her into his arms, giving her a tight squeeze. "I know your mom...you'll probably never hear it from her," he whispered in her ear. "But me...I'm proud of you, Mer. I knew you could do it."

He could swear she muttered something that sounded vaguly like, "It's still not enough" against his chest but as he was about to ask her what she had said she pulled away. "Goodbye, Derek," she said softly. "Maybe...I'll, uh, I'll see you."

"You'll see me," Derek replied. "We'll figure this out, Mer."

She smiled sadly and squeezed his arm a little before turning and walking away, leaving Derek standing in the snow.

_Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why._


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: We write constantly, we spend most of our days thinking of Meredith and Derek, we do evil things like wreck Der's

**Disclaimer: We write constantly, we spend most of our days thinking of Meredith and Derek, we do evil things like wreck Der's bike and bring in Addison, and now we have a blog. I think umm...are we sure we don't own Grey's?**

Meredith ran towards the student lounge, cursing herself for allowing herself to sleep in. She had meant to go back to her dorm and study until her five o'clock coffee meeting with Mark, but the minute she had sat on her bed, she was asleep. Which she considered a good thing, because if she was sleeping, she couldn't think about Derek. And now she had to have coffee with Mark, which didn't provide for a lot of thinking about Derek time.

That last run in had been...intense. Very intense, because she admitted that she wasn't fine. And he wasn't fine. Neither of them were fine and they had said it and he had hugged her and she had helped him down the stairs and it had been intense. Now she had no idea where they stood or what was happening, except for she knew she couldn't think about it. Thinking was bad. Thinking led to crying, which was what she was trying very hard not to do. Derek wasn't fine. And he didn't love his perfect redhead. He didn't even seem to like her. Which was good. But she couldn't figure out what it meant for her. Or them. Or anything. None of this was good. None of it. She couldn't think about it. None of it. She just had to have coffee with Mark. And not think.

Mark would be Mark, an idiot and he would flirt and call her Mary and be well Mark. Probably talk about his pickle and he'd be Mark. And somehow that helped her stop thinking about Derek. Coffee with Mark helped her keep control, even better than the studying.

"Sorry I'm late!" she blurted breathlessly as she ran into the lounge and up to their usual booth in the corner.

"Really, Mary? Exactly why are you late?" he winked.

"Meredith," she frowned and sat down. "And you're disgusting. I slept in."

"Sure you did, I'm always breathless when I sleep in," he smiled. "You and Shep make up?"

She felt the tears come to her eyes and she quickly blinked them away. "No," she said firmly. "And I ran here. In the freezing cold. Because I was late."

Mark smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Mary. You can play with my pickle if it will make you feel better."

She grimaced. "Mark, I love you, really. But can't we have one conversation that doesn't involve your pickle?"

Mark thought for a second before grinning widely at her. "No, I don't think so."

She giggled a little and slapped his arm lightly. "You're such a pervert."

"You love me, Mary," Mark shrugged.

"True," Meredith nodded. "Marks are up," she sighed after a moment.

"Shep mentioned that you got a 96," Mark responded.

She ducked her head down, staring into the cup of coffee in front of her. "Yeah."

"And of course that's not good enough for you," Mark groaned.

"After finals," she said carefully, "after the final exam, I should have a 100. If I don't..."

"If you don't. you'll survive and you'll still be my favourite first year," Mark sighed, reaching over and squeezing her hand.

She smiled at him a little, tears in her eyes. "Thanks, Mark."

"And Shep's," Mark said quietly.

"Mark," she warned. "Not today, okay? Don't tell me how about he much he misses me. And how he looks like shit. Not today."

Mark raised an eyebrow at her. "Something I should know about?"

Meredith opened her mouth to tell him about the meeting, because she told Mark everything. Everything. But there was the sound of clacking high heels, and Mark's face fell into a frown. "Mark," the perfect redhead greeted him.

"Oh it's you," Mark groaned.

"Yes, it's me," she frowned. "Have you seen Derek?"

"He was at the apartment when I left," Mark shrugged.

"He was supposed to come to the Future Doctors of America meeting," she sighed, clearly annoyed.

"So he skipped it," Mark answered, smiling. "He's finally getting back to being cool."

The redhead frowned at him and turned to Meredith. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your, um, friend?"

Mark turned and looked at Meredith who was staring at her feet under the table and then smiled broadly. "Addison, this is Mary."

"Meredith," Meredith rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath.

Mark ignored her. "Mary, this is Addison. Derek's...I can't actually think of anything good to say about her."

"Girlfriend," Addison supplied, smiling brightly at Meredith. "And how do you know Mark?"

Mark reached underneath the table and gave her hand a tight squeeze. "Mary is Derek's naughty school girl."

"He, uh, he, tutored me," Meredith stammered, hating herself for stammering. The perfect red head probably didn't stammer.

"Oh, did he?" Addison asked raising an eyebrow. "He's never mentioned tutoring anyone."

Meredith ducked her head down, trying to remember that Derek had said he didn't love the perfect redhead. He didn't love her. But right now, her heart was breaking. She could feel it breaking. And then Mark squeezed her hand. "That's because he doesn't talk to you, Addison," Mark reminded her, a little coldly. It was a weird change from his usual joking. "About anything."

Addison frowned slightly. "We talk all the time, Mark."

"Really?" Mark raised his eyebrows. "What's Shep's favorite band?"

Addison rolled her eyes and groaned. "I don't know, we talk about important stuff, not music."

"The Clash," Meredith whispered.

"Excuse me?" Addison snapped, turning to Meredith.

"The Clash," Meredith replied, a littl more loudly. "His favorite band is The Clash."

"Derek doesn't like The Clash," Addison argued.

"Oh but he does, Addison," Mark nodded. "Funny that you didn't know that and Mary did."

"She only knows it because she was sleeping with you and heard Derek listening," Addison smiled smugly.

"Disgusting," Meredith shook her head. "I love Mark but I wouldn't touch his pickle with a ten foot pole."

"I highly doubt that. I know how Mark is with slutty freshman," Addison said.

"Addison," Mark growled.

"Mark," she smiled sweetly.

"What about his favorite book?" Mark stared at her. "Do you know his favorite book at least? I know you dorks of America like to talk about school and shit."

"No Mark, I don't know his favorite book," Addison groaned. "Why does it matter?"

"The Sun Also Rises," Meredith replied quickly, a smile on his face. "When he was twelve, his dad bought him an autographed copy from a rare books seller."

"How do you know that?" Addison said, doubt in her voice.

"He told me," Meredith shrugged.

"Derek doesn't talk much," Addison argued

"And his favorite color?" Mark asked, a smug smile on his face.

Addison looked confused for a second, before Meredith spoke up again. "Blue, not light blue, indigo," she whispered.

"And ice cream?" Mark prodded a little, looking at Meredith with a bit of a surprised look on his face.

"Coffee," she answered, before Addison even had a chance.

Mark nodded slowly. "That doesn't...he doesn't talk," Addison stammered.

"He did," Meredith said quietly. "When...he used to talk to me."

"Mary knows all sorts of things you don't, Addison," Mark said smugly. "But you're right, maybe you should go find your boyfriend." He uttered the word boyfriend with complete sarcasm.

"I'll learn these things," Addison frowned.

"Mary knew Derek for a few weeks," Mark told her. "A few weeks. And she knows more than you do. Mary, tell Addison here about her boyfriend. It could be interesting."

"Ummm..." Meredith cleared her throat. "Well...umm...Derek...I don't want to do this."

Mark squeezed her hand again and smiled encouragingly. "This is ridiculous," Addison rolled her eyes. "What could this little tramp know about Derek?"

Meredith looked up, really meeting Addison's eyes for the first time. "Derek and I...I know him."

"Not as well as I do," Addison stated. "He's driven. He wants to be a neurosurgeon. He has ambition."

"Do you know why?" Meredith countered.

"What do you mean?" Addison frowned. "He wants to save lives."

"You have no idea why," Meredith shook her head. "Derek is...he's not...you don't know him. That's, it's a big part of who he is."

"Oh, really?" Addison smirked. "And why does Derek want to be a neurosurgeon?"

"He'd tell you himself if he wanted you to know," Meredith replied.

Addison frowned. "I'm going to go find my boyfriend now," she stated. "Mark, stay away from the apartment tonight. I'm sure you and Mary can find somewhere else to sleep."

"Oh yes, so you can have that sex he's not giving," Mark nodded.

Meredith let out a small giggle and Addison turned and walked away quickly, refusing to answer Mark. "I love him," Meredith said suddenly.

"I know," Mark nodded.

"I really love him," Meredith repeated.

"I know," Mark nodded again.

Meredith smiled at him, tears in her eyes. "She's Satan's Whore, isn't she?" she giggled.

"She's awful," Mark groaned. "Even if I didn't love you so much, I'd want her to jump off a bridge rather than date my best friend."

Meredith giggled again and then sighed. "I'm so screwed."

Mark squeezed her hand. "You're not screwed. You and Derek...you'll figure it out. I have faith in you two crazy kids."

Meredith shook her head. "I'm screwed," she repeated. "And I love him."

"Mary, he loves you," Mark sighed. "He hasn't figured it out yet, but he does."

"No," Meredith sighed. "No, he doesn't. I don't...I'm not...he doesn't."

"He does," Mark nodded. "I've known Derek forever. I know he loves you."

"I, Mark...I'm not...I'm...me," she murmured, tears starting to come down her cheeks.

"Derek loves you because you're you," Mark argued. "Mary he adores you. You should have seen him when he came home today. He was so proud of you."

Meredith shook her head. "I'm not...I haven't." She was starting to hyperventilate now, and people were starting to stare. "I h-h-ave to go."

"Mary, relax," Mark said, grabbing her hand and helping her out of her chair. "You're fine."

"I-I-I," she gasped, shaking her head desperately.

Mark wrapped his arm around her, leading her out of the lounge. "Breathe, Mary, just breathe."

"Derek," she murmured as they walked into the snow. "I...need...Derek."

"I know, I know," Mark soothed. "Do you want to come home with me?"

"Y-yes," Meredith nodded quickly. "I, I, I need Derek."

"Come on, let's go," Mark said, leading her away, trying not to smile at the prospect of what might finally be happening.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Addison walked up the stairs quickly to Derek's apartment, trying to open it and frowning when she found it locked. She knocked softly, but quickly. "Derek!" she called.

"One second," Derek groaned from the other side.

"Derek!" she called again, trying to be patient. She knew it took him a while to get started with his leg, but Mary, Meredith, whatever her name was had her fuming. She knew Derek. Of course she knew Derek.

"Hold on," he yelled, limping over to the door.

She stood impatiently, her hand on her hips as he flung the door open. "Why do you want to be a neurosurgeon?" she blurted out.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, turning around to make his way back to the couch.

"Why do you want to be a neurosurgeon?" Addison repeated as she followed him. "What's your favorite color? Your favorite book? Your favorite band? What is your family like?"

Derek watched her flip out, completely confused. He needed to end this, he knew he needed to end this. Meredith...he couldn't pretend that he could be with Addison when Meredith existed. He had no idea as to how. Because he couldn't imagine admitting he used her. "Addison, why do you want to know?"

"Because we never talk, Derek," she sighed, sitting down and taking his hands. "We never talk. And now we can talk. You can talk. Or I can talk. We can both talk."

"I don't want to talk," Derek muttered.

"Derek, we have to talk," she sighed. "I'll start. Or do you want to start?"

"Addison, seriously, I'm not in the mood for this," he compained. He needed to think, he couldn't think if Addsion was freaking out to him and wanting to talk. And he needed to think, to figure out a way to fix things.

"Why not?" she sighed. "Derek, we're dating. You're my boyfriend. That means we talk about these kind of things."

"I know we talk about things," he snapped. "Just not right now."

"Who's Mary?" she asked. "Or Meredith. Whatever her name is?"

Derek looked at her and sighed. "Addison, my leg is too sore to interpret girl flip out into normal conversation."

"Who is she, Derek?" Addison asked. "Because you apparently talk to her. Who is she?"

"Addison, really now isn't a good time," Derek pleaded.

"She was with Mark," Addison said. "And she knew things. She knows things about you, Derek."

"She knows everything about me," he muttered under his breath.

"Who is she?" Addison urged. "And why haven't I heard about her before?"

Derek sighed. "I used to tutor her."

"Okay," Addison nodded. "See, we're talking. This is good. Why does she know so much about you?"

"Because...because..." Derek started not even sure why. "We...we were close."

"You slept with her?" a horrified expression came onto Addison's usually perfect face.

"That's none of your business," Derek shook his head.

"Derek, we have to talk," she whispered, grabbing his hand. "You're meeting my parents in two weeks. I have to know these things."

Derek looked at her, he didn't want to talk to her, especially not about his Meredith. Something about it felt wrong, like he was desecrating the memory of what him and Meredith had been. He couldn't do this. It had to end, he couldn't do this to Meredith. "Addison, I think this is over."

"What?" Addison stared at him.

"Us, it's over," Derek shrugged. "I don't think we should date anymore."

"Why?" Addison stared at him. "Because of Mary?"

"Meredith," Derek corrected quietly. "You're just...not her."

"We're...we could be," she paused for a moment. "We could be Addison and Derek."

"I don't want to be Addison and Derek," Derek answered, his tone devoid of emotion.

She stood slowly, backing away from him. "I don't even know what to say," she shook her head. "For a first year, Derek? A party girl? A drunk?"

"Meredith isn't like that," Derek spat back, venom in his voice.

"Of course," Addison nodded. "She seems...sweet."

"No," Derek shook his head. "You don't get to judge her. You don't even know her."

Addison nodded. "Well," she sighed. "Good bye, Derek. When you find out she's sleeping with Mark, don't come running back to me."

Derek laughed, really fully laughed. "She wants nothing to do with Mark."

"You'll miss me," she stated.

"I won't," Derek shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I honestly won't."

She turned and opened the door, Mark standing there struggling to handle his keys as he supported Meredith. "Leaving so soon, Addison?" he smirked.

Addison said, nothing, just fumed at them and walked away, leaving Meredith and Derek staring at each other.

_"She's perfect, so flawless, I'm not impressed. I want you back."_


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: If Katie and Alicia owned Grey's, the porny bath tub would have been so much pornier than it was

**Disclaimer: If Katie and Alicia owned Grey's, the porny bath tub would have been so much pornier than it was. Sadly, Katie and Alicia don't own Grey's.**

"Meredith?" Derek asked, struggling to get up from his place on the couch, not caring how sore the leg was, because the way she was leaning on Mark made him more than worried. Something was wrong. Something very bad was wrong. "Mer?"

"She can't breathe," Mark said for Meredith as he picked her up and carried her over to the couch.

"She's hyperventilating, she does this," Derek said, resting a hand on Meredith's back. "Get a paper bag from the kitchen."

Mark nodded and went to the kitchen, and Meredith curled into herself. "I...I...can't," she gasped, clutching her throat.

"It's okay, Mer," Derek whispered soothingly, pulling her towards him. "I'm here."

"Here," Mark said, bringing the paper bag. "Do we need to call 911?"

"I don't think so," Derek shook his head. "She usually is okay."

"Mary, you okay?" Mark asked, leaning down in front of Meredith.

Meredith shook her head no, as Derek handed her the bag. "It's fine, Mark. I've got her."

"You sure?" Mark raised his eyebrows, but smiled a little.

"I'm sure," Derek nodded, gesturing for Mark to leave them alone.

"Get me if you need anything," Mark said and then squeezed Meredith's shoulder. "He's got you, Mary."

Meredith nodded, gasping into the bag as she squeezed Derek's hand. "Thanks for bringing her, Mark," Derek smiled.

"What the hell else was I supposed to do?" Mark shrugged. "Leave her at the lounge?"

"No, but thanks anyway," Derek shrugged.

"No problem," Mark shrugged again and then turned towards his room as he said, "She's got you, Derek."

Derek nodded, despite the fact Meredith was still having problems. At least she was here. With him. "She does."

Mark went into his bedroom and Derek looked down at Meredith rubbing her back. "I...I...can't...we...you," she gasped.

"Shhhh...shhhh...it's okay," Derek nodded. "Just breathe."

"A-a-addison," she gasped.

"Addison and I are over Mer," Derek whispered, smiling.

"W-what?" Meredith stared at him, her shoulders still shaking, tears streaming down her face.

"She...I just endeding things with her," Derek nodded.

"Oh," Meredith sighed and then leaned her head on his shoulder.

"She wasn't you," Derek sighed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and holding her close.

Meredith nodded as he breathing began to slow down, the bag moving back against her lips. They sat like that for a few minutes, Derek stroking her hair as she started to calm down. "I'm okay."

"You're okay," he nodded, smiling warmly at her.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"What? Why are you sorry?" Derek asked, tangling his fingers through her hair.

"For everything," Meredith sighed. "For coming here."

"Meredith, I'm glad you knew that you could come, I'm glad you're here," Derek smiled.

"You are?" she whispered.

"I am," Derek sighed. "I'm...I'm always here for you."

"You haven't been," she sighed. "Mark has."

"I told him to watch out for you," Derek defended himself.

"He does," Meredith nodded.

"I'm glad," Derek nodded. "But I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

"We're still a mess," she pointed out.

"I know, we still have to figure it out," Derek said.

Meredith yawned. "I met her, you know."

"What?" Derek asked.

"Addison," Meredith said. "I met her."

"Oh, Mer, I'm sorry," Derek sighed. "You, I never wanted you to meet her."

"Why not?" Meredith asked.

"It's ...she was a mistake and she's...it's awkward, Mer," Derek answered.

"Like us," Meredith pointed out.

Derek laughed gently. "Like us."

"I don't like that we're awkward," Meredith sighed.

"Neither do I," Derek shook his head.

"We're not...we're not supposed to be awkward," she stated.

"No," Derek replied. "We're supposed to be Derek and Meredith."

Meredith giggled. "Yeah," she nodded. "We weren't even awkward when we hated each other."

Derek laughed. "But you were a bitch."

"You were an ass," Meredith smiled.

"And yet here we are," Derek sighed, holding her close.

Meredith sighed. "And yet here we are," she echoed, looking up at Derek.

"Mer, I...I still have no idea how to make this right, but I will. I'll figure this out," Derek nodded.

"What if we can't?" she asked. "What if...what if we can't be Derek and Meredith anymore?"

Derek frowned. "That's just...it's not an option."

Meredith didn't say anything as she looked at him, her face edging closer to his. "I've missed you," she whispered.

"I've missed you too," Derek whispered. "Life isn't fun without fighting with you."

"I love fighting with you," she murmured, her lips grazing against his.

"Mer..." he breathed, deeping the kiss slightly.

Meredith ran her fingers through his hair as she sat up, moving to straddle him, but stopping when her hand brushed the cast on his leg. "Sorry," she murmured.

"It's okay," Derek said smiling.

"This is..." she breathed, their lips still barely touching.

"Don't stop," Derek breathed. "We can, this can be talked about later. Just, don't stop."

"Okay," she giggled as she kissed him again, her tongue entering his mouth gently. She moaned a little as his hands moved to tangle themselves in her hair. She rested one hand against his chest as she continued to deepen the kiss.

Derek wasn't quite sure what was happening but he wasn't about to stop it. Meredith's lips felt just how he remembered, tasted just as he remember. He wouldn't stop this for the world. "Meredith," he breathed, pulling back slighlty only to press his lips hard against hers again.

"Derek," she giggled, her hands reaching down to the hem of his shirt.

"This...not a mistake this time," Derek sighed, moving his mouth to her neck, kissing it gently as she began to lift his shirt.

"Aww, I see you two crazy kids are kissing and making up," Mark chuckled.

"Mark," Meredith exclaimed jumping off of Derek.

"Yeah, me," Mark laughed. "Careful of the leg, Mary. Don't want to rush him to the ER and explain it was kinky sex."

"We're not having kinky sex," Derek groaned, his arms still around Meredith.

"Just be careful of the couch," Mark nodded. "It's leather and hell to clean."

"Mark, don't you have some chick you should be hitting on?" Derek asked.

"Just grabbing a beer," Mark shrugged. "And bringing you a condom." Mark threw a couple of condoms at Derek.

"Out!' Meredith giggled. "Out now!"

Mark laughed. "Don't scream too loud, Mary," Mark said as he walked towards his bedroom. "Finals are next week."

"Mark!" Derek groaned.

Mark went into his room and Meredith giggled nervously, backing away a little from Derek. "That was...we can't...he's right," she sighed, moving off the couch. "Finals are next week."

"We can't," Derek nodded but kissed her quickly anyway. "Althought it would be fun."

"It would be a mistake," she sighed. "Again."

"No, Meredith it wouldn't be," Derek shook his head. "However, it would makes things more messy. And we don't need that."

"We're already a mess," she nodded.

"We are, but sex doesn't fix it," Derek sighed. "If it did, I'd be fucking you right now."

Meredith ducked her eyes away at the word and sighed. "I should go. Coming here...it was...I shouldn't have."

"You should have. Please don't leave," Derek pleaded.

"Why?" she asked. "What's...we...you...why?"

"I don't know," Derek shrugged. "But I just, I want you here. I need time to think through things, we both need time. But right now, I just, I want you here."

"And what are we going to do?" Meredith asked. "Because we can't, we're not able, I...I'm not...I don't know. I have no idea."

"You look like you could use a nap," Derek said, studying her as he tilted his head to the side.

"I took a nap earlier," she reminded him. "And I should be studying."

Derek frowned. "You'd rather study than spend time with me?" he joked.

Meredith stared at him, the expected giggle not coming. "You want to...you want to spend time with me?" she asked. "With the slutty first year?"

"The only slutty person in the apartment is Mark," Derek laughed.

Meredith smiled a little. "Okay...so...what are we? What are we doing?"

"Until we figure this out we could...be friends," Derek shrugged.

"Us?" Meredith sighed. "We can't be friends."

"We could...you'd be lucky to have me as a friend," Derek smiled.

"How?" Meredith asked. "How can we be friends?"

"We could...hang out," Derek shrugged. "We could study together, go out for coffee. Whatever, while we're waiting to figure out things."

"Derek," she sighed. "We can't...I can't..."

"Mer," Derek pleaded. "If you honestly want to leave and go study, completely walk away from me, feel free to. But only if that's what you really want. If you want...want to give us a try, we can take a nap."

"Together?" she raised an eyebrow. "Do you usually take naps with your friends?"

'Yes, Mark and I do it all the time, he's very cuddly," Derek laughed.

"That's a lie!" Mark yelled from his bedroom. "Will the two of you go fuck already and stop using the word nap for it!"

"Stop eavesdropping," Derek shouted back. "It's not a lie," he whispered to Meredith.

Meredith giggled. "Okay," she nodded. "Just friends?"

"Just friends," Derek nodded.

"Let's take a nap then," she smiled, holding out her hand.

"You're going to have to help the old man up," Derek groaned.

She laughed and reached down, taking his arm and helping him up, letting him lean on her a little. "You know Mark thinks you're milking it, right?" she giggled as she walked towards his bedroom.

"Maybe I am," he winked.

"Well, fine," she rolled her eyes. "I'll let go and you can walk to your room yourself, old man."

"No! Please don't," Derek laughed.

Meredith smiled. "I won't," she promised. "I won't let go."

"Good," Derek nodded, having a feeling that they were talking about more than her helping him to bed.

They walked into his bedroom and Meredith eased him onto the bed, climbing in beside him. She curled up on her side and Derek threw an arm around her, linking her hand with his. "Hmmm," Meredith sighed.

"Get some rest Mer," Derek said, smiling

"How much time?" she whispered.

"I don't know," Derek sighed. "I...just don't know."

She didn't say anything and for a minute, Derek thought she had fallen asleep. "Don't take too long," she murmured into the pillow.

"I won't," Derek promised, pulling her closer.

She didn't answer this time and he realized her breathing was slower, more regular. He sighed as he curled into her, bringing her close. He'd do anything to stay with her forever like this. And fix this. He needed to fix this. He just still had no idea how.

_Back to you, it's always back to you, I try to forget you, I try to stay away, but it's too late._


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: If any part of Grey's Anatomy is up for sale we would LOVE to buy it

**Disclaimer: If any part of Grey's Anatomy is up for sale we would LOVE to buy it. Any part...even if it's just a tiny piece. Hell, we'd even buy Isaiah Washington, and then he'd never be seen again but that's beside the point. We'd just love to own a tiny part of GA.**

Derek sat in the living room at his mother's house, feeling extremely out of place. His sisters were crowded in the room, fawning over Kathleen's newest baby, a daughter, and he was the only guy. Except of course, Kathleen and Nancy's husbands. And Sara's boyfriend. But Sara had him tied around her little finger, which wasn't uncommon. And Kathleen and Nancy's husbands were talking stock.

Mark was somewhere, he had a way of disappearing after all the questions were answered. Derek assumed it's because he feared having the one night stands discussed but still, it left him feeling out. Even more this year now than ever. He didn't even know why, but something about this year, being in New York just didn't feel right. And he had a sinking feeling what it was.

He missed Meredith. He had left two days after finals, two days after finding out that Meredith had made a 100 in Stanton's class, two days after Meredith had had one shot of tequila in celebration, but only one shot. And no parties. She refused the parties. But he missed her now. Even the quick phone call on Christmas morning hadn't been enough. And it didn't help that she was staying at his apartment.

He still hadn't figured out how to solve their problem, everything was still a mess and he had no idea what to do. They were friends, awkward friends, but friends all the same. Friends who spent a lot of night in each other's aeased his foot on the gas, wondering how fast too fast actually was.rms, they just found that they slept better together. Everything was better together. But still it was a mess, they were nothing. Friends pretending.

"Do you want to hold her, DerBer?" his youngest sister, Ashley, asked him. At sixteen, she was the baby of the Shepherd family, and definitely the princess.

"Sure," Derek smiled.

Ashley brought his newest niece, his third, to his arms, placing her down gently. "Isn't she gorgeous?" the teenager fawned.

"She definitely is," Derek smiled, as the baby grabbed his finger tightly.

"She loves you, Derek," his mom came into the room, holding a tray of hot cocoa. "You're such a natural."

"Of course she loves me," Derek laughed.

"Derek, you've been avoiding a very important question," his mom said as she handed out the hot cocoa.

"What question, Mom?" Derek sighed.

"Who is the girl?" she smiled lightly. "Mark's been throwing hints out since Thanksgiving."

"It's complicated, Mom," Derek shrugged.

"Mark says you love her," Kathleen smiled.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Mark says you love her," Kathleen repeated. "Mary."

"Meredith," Derek corrected.

"Beautiful name," Nancy murmured, putting her hand on her pregnant belly. She was always looking for names.

"And I don't..." but he couldn't finish the sentence, too many thoughts were swirling in his head. Thoughts that if he finished the sentence he had started he would have been lying. Because she was Meredith.

"Derek?" his mother rushed forward as he closed his eyes. She always panicked. Since his dad's sudden death, she panicked at the sound of anything unusual.

Meredith. Meredith should be here with his family, with him. She should be with him. And suddenly he knew how to fix things, to make their mess become a little neater, to start working on being together. And it had been staring him in the face all along. "I have to go."

"What?" Mrs. Shepherd asked. "Derek, it's New Year's Eve. It's five thirty in the afternoon."

"I have to go," Derek repeated. "There's something I have to do. I have to go."

"Where?" Sara asked as she took the baby out of his arms.

"Back to school," Derek said quickly.

"Derek, that's a five hour drive!" Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed. "And it's snowing. Your leg just healed, you're still walking with a little bit of a limp. We don't need you in another accident."

"I'll be careful, Mom," Derek sighed. "Mark left his car here so I'm taking it. I have to do this."

"Are you going to Mary?" Ashley breathed.

"Meredith," Derek corrected smiling.

"You are going to her?" Ashley clapped her hands. "Oh my God, that's so romantic."

"Mom, I'll call you when I get there," Derek said, hugging her quickly.

"Derek, buy her something!" Ashley called out. "Flowers or something!"

"I can do flowers," Derek nodded.

"And do an old Hollywood kiss," Sara smiled.

Derek laughed. "I don't know if Mer's the type for that kind of kiss."

"Be careful," Mrs. Shepherd sighed. "Remember, drive slowly."

"I will, Mom," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Good luck," she smiled and Derek grabbed his jacket and Mark's keys, limping slightly out into the snow and getting into the car. He had to see Meredith.

He wasn't even certain why it had even taken this long to figure everything out. He knew how much he liked her, how much he needed her and wanted to be with her and yet this had never even occurred to him. But now...now he could figure things out, he'd tell her, they'd talk and things would be much better. They had to be. This realization, it had to change things. He wondered if she had come to this realization yet. If the nervousness and the ability to sleep was because she knew. She knew what he knew. And even if she didn't know, she would. Because this made sense. Suddenly, he could breathe again. He had spent every second since that damn party holding his breath and now he could breathe again. And it felt good. Meredith felt good.

This was going to be fine. They had their issue, they had so much to work through, but with this on the table things would be simpler, things would change and everything would make a lot more sense. Meredith had to know, she was smarter than him, she was better than him, she had to know. And everything from now on would be better.

He and Meredith could be together. They were perfect for each other. And god, what was that line from that movie Ashley had watched on Christmas Eve? Something about realizing you needed to spend the rest of your life with someone and needing the rest of your life to start immediately. It was exactly how he felt. He needed to be with her. He needed to hold her. He needed to make sure she was all right.

He knew how many mistakes he made, how many times he had hurt her, long after he had stopped hating. Not that he ever really had. He hated the girl he thought she was but the second he saw the real Meredith, when she had giggled over his diagrams, he couldn't hate her. Everything had changed the second she had giggled and he couldn't figure out why it took him so long to figure out how.

He thought over the past two months, thought over everything. Thought over Meredith's constant denials that they could be together. That Addison was perfect. And he thought over her hurt, the hurt in her eyes, the way her smile never seemed to reach her eyes. And Mark's words that he needed to figure things out by himself. And his heart clenched. He had made her feel not good enough, he had never meant to do it, never. But he had. That night at the party when he had sex with her, he reaffirmed everything. That she was worth nothing more than a good fuck. He had made her believe that, that she was less than perfect. His felt a knot tie in this stomach as he realized he had probably hurt in ways her mother never had. Because he had promised to be different.

He pushed his foot a little harder on the gas, needing to be closer to her. Even if by four hours and fifty five minutes instead of five hours. He needed to make her see that she was more than good enough, she was too good for him. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve her giggles, her snarkiness, her absolute inability to cook him breakfast when she slept over at the apartment. He didn't deserve any of it.

But he needed it, he needed every single last bit of it. He needed her in his life as more than a friend. He never thought about it, he never talked about but he had been spinning in circles since his dad died. Meredith made it stop, she made everything stop. She called him on everything, she didn't accept his accuses, she didn't take no for answer. She pushed him.

And she didn't worship him. She didn't find him to be brilliant and handsome. To her, he was Derek the Dork. He was Derek with a day planner. She laughed at him, made fun of him, encouraged him. And he had a sneaking suspicion that if he ever let himself feel good about himself, if he ever felt cocky, she'd bring him down immediately. He jumped as his shrill cell phone interrupted his thoughts. "Shepherd," he answered.

"Dude, where the fuck is my car?" Mark's angry voice came over the line.

"On the way to Dartmouth," Derek smiled.

"What the hell is my car doing on the way to Dartmouth?" Mark repeated. "And you do realize you just committed a felony. Grand theft auto."

"I love her, Mark," Derek sighed.

There was a silence for a moment and then, "Well it's about fucking time."

Derek laughed. "I have to go tell her."

"Yeah, whatever," Mark said. "But I swear to God, if you wrap my car around a tree, you better hope you're dead. Or I'll fucking kill you myself."

"Meredith would never talk to you again if you killed me," Derek pointed out.

"She'd understand," Mark stated.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Derek smiled, feeling good for the first time in too long.

"Dude, I get that you love her," Mark said, suddenly turning serious. "But I've been taking care of her for two months now. If you fuck with her again, I'll kill you myself."

"I swear I'm not going to," Derek promised.

"She's been through hell for you," Mark stated. "And I don't even think you get the half of it. So I'll let you figure it out. But if she stops sleeping or eating again, and I have to drag her ass out to diners, I will give Yang permission to cut off your dick."

"Mark, I'm going to make it all up to her," Derek sighed. "And I won't fuck with her again."

"You better not," Mark growled. "Fuck, Shep."

"What?" Derek asked.

"You have my car," Mark stated. "How the fuck am I supposed to get back to Dartmouth?"

"Take the bus, I'll pay you back for the ticket," Derek offered.

"I fucking hate buses," Mark sighed. "Fine. Give Mary a kiss for me. Preferably one with tongue."

"Any kissing with tongue will be solely for me from now on," Derek said.

Mark just laughed and hung up his phone, without saying goodbye and Derek grinned. He had missed grinning. It almost hurt. He hadn't smiled this much since Meredith had asked him out, and now here he was driving to New Hampshire on New Year's Eve with the snow falling to be with her. He needed to be with her. He accelerated again, wondering how fast too fast actually was.

He assumed as long as he didn't wrap himself around a tree again, it wasn't too fast. He'd get there and Meredith would, she had no idea what she'd be doing but he would find her and tell her. And they'd kiss and...there'd be no sex. He couldn't. Not until she knew, not until she realized that for him she was good enough for everything, not just a one night thing.

He wanted to do this right this time. The way he had done it in the past with other girlfriends, only better. He wanted to romance her, take her out on an actual date, not just to a party. He wanted to buy her things and hold her at night, but not have sex with her. Because while he wanted to have sex with her, it had to wait. He couldn't ever let her feel not good enough again.

Derek sighed as he recognized some landmarks, he was getting close but not close enough. He didn't even know what he had been thinking not bringing her home with him in the first place. Him and Mark had invited but she looked panicked and declined. He should have pushed. He should have dragged her along to the house. It would have made this a lot quicker.

She hadn't had anywhere to go for the holidays. Her mother was in Europe for a conference and she, well, she apparently didn't have a father. Derek frowned as he realized he didn't know if she had a father. Well, she had a father, everyone had a father, but he didn't know about Meredith's father. It was just one thing he needed to find out. He needed to find out everything about her.

Which would be easier now, with no sex, they'd have to find something else to occupy the time. Talking would be great, talking would be amazing. He knew her, he knew enough about her to know he loved her but still so much was blank. He wanted to know it all, the good, the bad, everything, he needed to know it all. And she needed to know him.

She knew him. She knew so much about him it was almost ridiculous. And a lot of it she hadn't even really learned, it was like she was just knew. But there were still things he wanted her to know. Still things he wanted her to learn about him. And they had a long time to do it now. Because something told him that Meredith wasn't just another girlfriend, she was it. He was done.

The thought should have terrified him but for some reason it didn't. Five hours ago he knew Meredith was special and the thought he was now have should terrify him, instead it felt right. He felt like he was finally figuring this thing out and that maybe he would get the life he dreamed of. With Meredith. He felt like everything might start falling together.

He pulled off the highway, realizing he had made a five hour drive in just four hours and ten minutes, which probably meant he had been going too fast. But he wasn't wrapped around any trees, and he had to see her. He had to tell her. He had to fix this.

The drive the rest of the way past in a blur as he drove through the familiar streets to his apartment where his Meredith was waiting for him. And then he was running up the stairs, deciding that the elevator would be to slow and opening the door to his apartment. "Mer?" he asked quietly.

She was sitting on the couch, wearing one of his t-shirts, her hair in a messy ponytail. She had a carton of ice cream in front of her, and a textbook lay discarded on the floor as she watched the TV. "Derek?" she asked, confusion marring her features.

He didn't say anything, silently cursing forgetting to pick her up flowers but he had been to focused on getting here, on seeing her, on telling her. He walked over, shrugging off his jacket and sat down beside her, taking a deep breath as she looked at him, questions in her eyes. "I love you."

"Wh-what?" she sputtered, almost choking on her ice cream.

"I love you," he said again.

"Oh," she said, nodding. "Oh."

He smiled and leaned over and kissed her quickly, tasting the ice cream on her tongue as he pulled away and settled back into his spot. She would say it, she had to say it. she kissed him.

She stared at him for a moment, tears in her eyes and then held out the ice cream and the spoon. "Ice cream?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"Sure," he smiled, grabbing it from her. "So what are we watching?"

"What do normal people watch on New Year's Eve?" she asked, rolling her eyes as she settled back on the couch.

"Fine then," he asked, settling back as well as silence fell between them.

She cuddled against him, sharing the ice cream as they watched Ryan Seacrest take over Dick Clark's usual job of the Rocking New Year's Eve. "He sucks at this," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Is there anything he's actually good at?" Derek asked her.

"Probably not," Meredith giggled. "He's so terrible on American Idol. Not that, I...you know...watch American Idol."

"You watch American Idol and yet you call me a dork?" Derek laughed.

"It's addictive!" she laughed, hitting his arm. "Have you seen the auditions? They're hilarious!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Derek shook his head quickly.

"You watch it too!" Meredith giggled.

"Ever repeat that and I will see to your death," Derek laughed.

"Please tell me Mark watches it with you," she grinned.

"I've been sworn to secrecy. Bros before hoes, Mer," Derek smiled.

"He does!" she giggled again, her head falling back against his arm.

"You can't let him know you know," Derek pleaded.

"I won't," she shook her head, though she had a huge smile on her face.

"You're going to," Derek groaned.

"Der, it's Mark. I have to. And I have to tell everyone he knows too. Every girl he ever tries to fuck."

"I'm glad you value destroying Mark's reputation over my life. That feels good," Derek nodded.

"He won't kill you," Meredith smiled. "Because he knows if he kills you, I won't like him anymore."

"See? I told him that just hours before and he didn't believe me," Derek laughed.

"So who was your favorite American Idol?" Meredith asked as she took a bite of the ice cream. "And Mark's of course? Please tell me Mark's was like...Rueben. Or even better, please tell me he wanted Clay to win."

"We're not having this discussion," Derek moaned.

"Why not?" Meredith giggled.

"Because men don't talk about American Idol," Derek explained.

"Fine," she mock frowned. "Then no ice cream for you."

"Oh really?" Derek, snaking his hand out to tickle the spot just about her hip where he knew she was most ticklish.

"Derek, no!" she screeched as she tried to pull away from him.

"Oh it's far too late for that Mer," he laughed, shifting to reach her better, his hands tickling her sides as her body racked with laughter.

"Stop it!" she laughed as she wiggled away from him, laughing loudly. "Derek! Stop! Mercy! Mercy!" She giggled loudly as he just continued tickling her. "Derek! Stop it! Seriously! Derek!"

Derek stilled but left his hands around her tiny waist, his face inches from hers. "Do I get ice cream?" he asked.

"I love you too," she said suddenly, a little breathless.

"What?" Derek asked. All his cockiness gone, he was almost afraid to believe the words.

"I love you too," Meredith repeated, her face a little flushed as she reached up to kiss him.

Derek deepened the kiss as he shift on top of her, clamoring for a more comfortable position. She loved him. The words had sent his heart soaring, even if he assumed she felt that way, it didn't compare to hearing her say it. She loved him. She ran her fingers through his hair as she smiled against his kiss. He pulled back a little and looked at her, tucking the strands of hair that fallen out of her pontyail behind her ear. They stayed that way for a second, Derek simply staring into her eyes as some rap artist performed on the Tv.

"Wow," Derek eventually sighed.

"Yeah," she nodded.

Derek pulled back, frowning in disdain at the knocked over ice cream container. "We should get to bed," he suggested.

"But the ball hasn't dropped," Meredith frowned. "We can't miss the ball drop."

"Seriously?" Derek laughed.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "This is my first year watching it sober since I was sixteen. And it's my first time ever watching it with someone I...well, someone I love. As cheesy as that sounds."

Derek smiled and pulled her into his arms, allowing her to rest her head on his chest. "So we're staying up to watch the ball drop."

"Yes we are," she nodded. "Though, I'll understand if you can't. With you being an old man and all."

"I don't even have the cane anymore," Derek groaned.

Meredith laughed. "Doesn't mean you're not an old man," she turned to catch his lips briefly.

"You usually go for old men?" Derek asked her.

She giggled as she cuddled further into his arms, her body radiating warmth. "Only dorky old men," she giggled. "Who look like Patrick Dempsey."

"It's good to look like Patrick Dempsey right?" he questioned, loving how she felt against him.

"Have you seen the man?" she laughed. "Guys would kill to look like him. With the hair. And the eyes. And the arms, and that smile. Oh his arms are amazing. So is his chest."

"I'm right here, Mer," Derek laughed. "No drooling over other men when I'm right here."

She laughed and turned in his arms so she was facing him, her breasts pressed against his chest. "It's okay with him," she told him. "He's on my list."

"You have a list?" Derek frowned.

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "But he's the only one on it."

"You have very limited tastes...me and a guy that looks like me," Derek pointed out.

"Oh, and who is on your list?" she murmured, her eyes beginning to close.

"I don't have a list. I should probably make one," Derek sighed.

"You don't have to," she whispered into his chest.

"Don't want to share me?" he asked, gently running his fingers through her hair.

She shook her head against his chest. "Never."

"Good," Derek nodded. "Same goes for me. I'll beat this Dempsey guy up if I have to."

Meredith giggled lightly. "I would have to kill you for hurting Paddy."

"Paddy? A man with the nickname Paddy comes before me?" he complained.

"Der?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" he whispered.

"Shut up," she giggled, kissing him. "What time is it?"

"5 to midnight," Derek answered, quickly checking his watch.

She nodded. "Mark said we'd be back together by New Year's."

"When he asks we spent the entire night fighting," Derek answered.

"Why?" Meredith giggled.

"So he's not right," Derek sighed.

"You have serious problems," Meredith rolled her eyes as she turned in his arms to watch the ball getting ready to drop. Derek was silent as he held her close, watching the countdown start up on the tv, smiling at the prospect of starting a new year together. "Happy New Year, Derek," she whispered.

"Happy New Year, Mer," he replied kissing her quickly.

Within minutes, she was asleep on his chest, her face, for the first time two weeks, completely still and peaceful. He turned off the TV and held her close in his arms, for the first time eager for a new year.

_"My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you. I've been running round in circles in my mind. And it always seems that I'm following you, girl, cause you take me to the places that alone Id never find"_


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy we could do ANYTHING. Derek could walk around naked all the time talking about how hot he is. Burke could jump off a ferry boat. Derek and Meredith would be together constantly. George and Izzie would never hook up. Obviously we don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

Derek opened his eyes to the bright sunshine pouring through his window. A smile immediately stretched across his face, it was the first time in weeks that he had woken up smiling. Today was a new day, a new year. And it was good, it was perfect. He loved Meredith. And Meredith loved him. And she was sleeping beside him. He rolled over expecting to find her curled up behind him. She wasn't there.

He climbed out of bed, pulling on a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt to fight off the cold air in the apartment, stopping briefly to turn up the heat before walking into the living room and then turning to the kitchen, where Mer sat in his t-shirt and a pair of underwear that Mark called ass cheek panties. There was a cup of coffee in front of her and a textbook open on the table, and she had a hightlighter in her hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.

"Studying," Meredith replied as she took a sip of coffee. "And good morning to you. Or is it afternoon?"

"Morning," he answered, walking over and quickly kissing her. "And you do realize we don't have school right now."

"It's called getting ahead," she replied. "I can't start the way I did last semester."

"No you can't," Derek agreed. "But you can also take a small break."

"I took a break yesterday," she said. "We watched Ryan Seacrest fail miserably at Dick Clark's job."

"That was a day, take a week off," Derek sighed, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"A week?" Meredith stared at him. "What are you on? Where's Derek the Dork?"

"Derek the Dork takes a week off for Christmas," he shrugged.

"It's because you threw away your day planner," she sighed. "By the way, look under the thing you and Mark call a tree."

"It's a tree," Derek frowned.

"Derek, that thing is not a tree," she sighed, referring to the white plastic fiberoptic thing that Mark had put in the window on December 15th. "It's...well...I don't know what it is. But it's sad."

"So what am I looking for?" Derek asked.

"The object wrapped in disgustingly bright and shiny paper," she rolled her eyes. "I believe you people who like Christmas call it a gift."

"You got me a gift?" Derek asked, grabbing it and heading back to sit beside her.

"No," she said sarcastically. "I got Mark a gift and I want you to open it for him." She sighed. "Sorry, I'm not a morning person."

"Apparently," Derek laughed, tearing off the paper.

"I bought it this morning," she admitted. "Well, actually, I bought it for you for Christmas but I thought that would be awkward so I didn't decide to give it to you until this morning. And if you don't like it, it's fine. I mean...not a big deal. Really. It's just a gift and you don't have to like just because I'm your...whatever I am."

"Girlfriend," Derek nodded. "Your my girlfriend."

"Oh," she nodded. "I, uh...and you're my...boy...friend?"

"That's usually how it works," Derek laughed.

"Don't be a smartass," she ordered. "Someone in this relationship has to be a morning person."

"I'm a morning person when I wake up and find my girlfriend in bed with me," Derek said.

"You're girlfriend had to study," she sighed. "Now will you open the damn gift already?"

"Opening it, opening it," he groaned.

Meredith twirled the highlighter in her pen and watched as Derek stared at the gift. "Well?" she sighed.

He smiled at her. "You got me a new day planner?"

"Yes," she nodded but then stood up to stand next to him. "Except, this is better than your old day planner. Because this has sex penciled in for you. I think our first sex session is actually in 30 minutes."

"About that Mer," Derek sighed.

"What?" Meredith asked. "You don't like the penciling in sex thing? Because you penciled in everything in your old day planner. I assumed sex was one of them. For example: Date with Mer-7:30. Sleep with her, 10:45."

"I love that, Mer. It's amazing," Derek answered, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her onto his lap. "But it's the sex part we have to talk about."

"Oh," Meredith sighed, looking towards her books.

"Look at me, Mer," Derek urged gently.

She shook her head. "I have to finish studying," she murmured. "We have to have sex in 30 minutes and I need to be finished with the chapter by then."

"No you don't," Derek shook his head and sighed. "And we're not having sex in 30 minutes."

"Why not?" Meredith finally looked at him, a shocked frown on her face.

"Because we're not about having sex. We're more than that," Derek said.

"That's funny, Derek," Meredith said, moving to get off his lap.

Derek pulled her back down. "Meredith, every guy in your past, including me has made you feel like you're not good enough for anything but sex. I know that. And I refuse to have that happen again."

"Derek, you didn't," Mer shook her head.

"Yes, I did," he nodded. "I promised to you that we'd take your time last time and I ruined it. I'm not doing that again."

"But we don't have to wait this time," Meredith sighed.

"I want to," Derek told her. "I want us to be a real couple before we go there."

"A real couple?" Meredith frowned. "Don't real couples have sex?"

"They do, but not usually on their first date. So we're taking our time," Derek explained.

"Well, this causes some problems for your day planner," she sighed, grabbing a pen from across the table.

"Leave them," Derek said, grabbing the pen from her. "I'm not talking about waiting months, Mer. I just want to take a little bit, take you out to a nice dinner, maybe go see a movie. The usual stuff. And then I promise we're going to want all those times you penciled in."

"When you say no sex," Meredith bit her bottom lip, "are you saying no fooling around too?"

"There will definitely be fooling around," Derek laughed. "I only have so much self contol, Mer."

She nodded and ducked her head down, doodling on a napkin with the pen she had stolen back from him. "Okay."

Derek grabbed her chin in his hand and gently turned her head to meet his gaze. "Really okay or Meredith okay?"

She shrugged. "We said things, Derek."

"We said things," Derek agreed.

"Bad things," she sighed. "Really, really bad things."

"I know," Derek whispered. "I'm sorry for everything I said. I was angry and hurting and I didn't mean any of it."

"Me too," she nodded. "And I'm sorry for making you crash your bike."

"I miss her," Derek frowned.

"That's the thing," Meredith sighed. "I don't get it. I said bad things and made you crash your bike and now you're here and I'm on your lap and we're kissing and saying I love you. And apparently we're boyfriend and girlfriend. But I said things and made you crash your bike and break your leg in like a trillion different places."

"Meredith, we were both angry and freaking out and things were said. That was...it was bad. But that night did nothing to change the way I felt about you," Derek nodded.

"Okay, that's a lie," she stated. "Since we didn't talk for two weeks. Oh, and you dated Addison. Oh, and you didn't call me. Oh, and don't forget the whole me sitting by your bed in the hospital and freaking out because you could have died and you were more worried about your bike. But the whole not calling me thing after we had sex was kind of a big deal. And you called me a whore."

"Maybe I should be asking why you want to be with me?" Derek joked but then grew somber. "I should have called you. Looking back,I definitely should have called you. At the time...Mer I wanted to be the good guy for you, the guy that was different and treated you with the respect you deserved. And that night I didn't. It freaked me out. I though you needed more than me. I still do."

"That's ridiculous," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm the drunken whore. You're the perfect student with perfect grades."

"You're not a drunk whore. You're...amazing, beautiful and smart. You deserve the best and I hate the fact that no one has ever offered you that. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for," Derek breathed.

She shook her head, a frown on her face. "Derek, what you said that night, all of it was true."

"No it wasn't," Derek said quickly. "It wasn't true, Mer. Even as I said it, I knew it wasn't true."

"Yes it was," she murmured. "I need to study."

"Meredith, don't do that. Don't pull away," Derek frowned.

"I'm not pulling away," she stated. "I'm studying. Remember studying?"

"You're studying on Christmas break," Derek smiled slightly.

"And?" Meredith stared at him. "Are you telling me you never bought your textbooks early and studied during break?

Derek shrugged. "I would look at them, but not with a highlighter."

"That is such a lie," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I bet if I asked Mark he'd say something different."

"Fine, there may have been some highlighing," Derek groaned. "But that doesn't mean you should be."

"Fine," Meredith shrugged. "I won't study and I'll fail a class and the professor will assign his hot TA to tutor me and then I'll leave you for the hot TA."

"You wouldn't find anyone hotter than me," Derek smiled.

"Unless Patrick Dempsey came here and decided to be a TA," she nodded smugly.

"I told you I'd beat him up to keep you," Derek laughed.

"We'd break up if you beat up Paddy," she reminded him gently.

"So I have to make sure you never cross his path," Derek said.

"Which is why I need to study," Meredith nodded.

"Fine, study," Derek rolled his eyes. "But I'm making us some breakfast and you're taking a break to eat with me."

"You eat breakfast?" Mer raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yes," Derek nodded. "A good day starts with a good breakfast."

"I already ate," Meredith shrugged.

"What?" Derek asked, looking around for dishes.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "Leftover grilled cheese."

"Left over grilled cheese? That's sad, that's pathetic," Derek sighed. "You're eating with me."

"It's not sad or pathetic," Meredith insisted. "It's typical college fare."

"No, it's disgusting," Derek said, starting to grab stuff out of the fridge. "How does one even end up with left over grilled cheese?"

Meredith shrugged. "I made two sandwiches, decided I wasn't hungry enough for the second one."

"You're eating my breakfast," Derek stated.

"Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes as she looked down at her books.

"So pleasant in the morning," Derek teased her.

"You love me," she smiled back, highlighting something.

"I do," Derek nodded. "Even if you are becoming a dork."

"You need to be a dork again," she sighed. "I love Derek the Dork. Even if he is a pain in the ass."

"I'll go back to being a dork a little closer to the start of classes, thank you," Derek responded.

"So when is Mark coming back?" Meredith asked.

"No clue," Derek shrugged. "He has to take a bus so I'm not sure what he plans to do."

"A bus?" Meredith stared at him. "What happened to his car?"

"It's outside," Derek shot Meredith a devilish smile. "I committed grand theft auto. Or so Mark says."

"Oh, that's hot," Meredith giggled. "My boyfriend the felon."

"You'll come visit me in jail after he has me arrested?" Derek asked laughing.

"I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "Maybe I'll leave you to your new big bad boyfriend Larry."

"Please, I don't know Larry but I think I already hate him, please don't leave me to him," Derek begged of her.

Meredith giggled. "Don't drop the soap, Der."

"You're mean, you know what? I committed a felony to come tell you how I feel and you mock me. You're mean," Derek pouted.

She stood up to stand in front of him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. "Poor baby."

"You'd think a girl would enjoy the romantic gesture," Derek shrugged, even as he smiled at her.

"So you stole your car and left your family to come to me?" she asked.

"I did," Derek nodded.

"Why?" she asked.

"The second I figured it out, I just had to tell you. It couldn't wait till I got home," Derek smiled.

"I'm not sure if that's cheesy or sweet," she giggled.

"Let's go with sweet," Derek suggested.

"Fine," she said, kissing him again. "You're sure about the no sex thing?"

"I'm sure," Derek nodded. "You're really okay with it?"

She nodded. "Yeah," she sighed. "Though, Der, it's okay. If you want to have sex with me. I mean...never mind."

"Meredith this has nothing to do with not wanting to have sex with you," Derek told her.

"I know," she nodded.

"Good," he nodded kissing her again. "And I'm not going to last that long anyway."

She giggled. "When should I pencil in the sex, Mr. Shepherd?"

Derek groaned, her use of his last name bringing back his dream as he felt himself harden. "Soon, very soon."

"Hmm," she murmured, leaning forward to kiss him hard, her hand traveling down to his erection.

"Mer..." he breated, pushing himself closer to her as her hand stroke his erection through his sweatpants.

"We are scheduled to have sex right now," she whispered in his ear before nibbling on his ear lobe, stroking him a little faster.

"Mer...we...can't," he gulped, his lips traveling to softly kiss her neck.

"Why not?" she whispered, pulling her hand away to start edging his sweatpants off his erection.

"Because..." Derek groaned, forgetting every single one of his reasons.

"Because your phone's ringing," she sighed, pulling away.

"Fucking phone," he grumbled picking it up. "Yeah?"

"Am I interrupting sex?" Mark asked by way of greeting.

"No, you're not interripting sex," Derek sighed.

"Why not?" Mark asked. "Didn't you and Mary make up and now you're in that l word you freaks use?"

"Mark, is there a reason you called?" Derek asked.

"Woah, wait, are you and Mary not made up?" Mark asked.

"Is that why you called? To find out if we made up?" Derek groaned.

"Derek, answer the fucking question already," Mark sighed. "Mom's standing next to me and she wants to know. Ow! Mom, put the towel down!"

"Put Mom on," Derek said, rolling his eyes at Meredith.

"Jesus Christ, Shep, just tell me if I should come home," Mark sighed. "And if you had sex in my bed...I'll kill you."

"Mark, come home if you want. And there was no sex in your bed," Derek shook his head.

"You stole my fucking-ow! Sorry, freaking car, and there wasn't sex in my bed?" Mark asked.

"There wasn't sex in your bed," Derek answered.

"Why the hell- Jeez, Mom- why the heck not?"

"Mark, can we not talk about this right now?" Derek asked.

"Dude, put Mary on the phone," Mark ordered. "I'll get a decent answer out of her."

"No, Mark, I'm hanging up now," Derek sighed.

"Will you wait five fuck-freakin seconds?" Mark growled. "I'm getting on a bus in forty minutes and you and Mary better pick me up at the bus station."

"Seriously? Why not take a taxi?" Derek asked.

"Because you stole my fucking car," Mark replied.

"And I'll pay for the fucking taxi," Derek sighed.

"Mom, Derek said fucking," Mark mumbled and then laughed. "Mom says I can hit you with a towel when I get back."

"Wonderful," Derek groaned. "Can I hang up now?"

"Are you picking me up at the bus station?" Mark asked. "And did you and Mary make up?"

"Whatever and no comment," Derek answered.

"Whatever," Mark sighed and hung up.

"We're not telling Mark," Derek sighed turning around to look at Meredith.

"Why not?" Meredith shrugged, hopping up on the counter as she grabbed a handful of cereal out of a box. "And what the hell is this crap that you call cereal?"

"Muesli, it's good for you," Derek smiled. "And because he's an ass. It will be fun to mess with his head."

"And how are we going to do that?" Meredith asked, her mouth full of muesli. "I'm living here until January 10th."

"When he's here we have to pretend to hate each other," Derek shrugged.

"So no fooling around?" Meredith sighed sadly.

"Not when he's in the apartement," Derek answered. "But he goes out a lot."

"So when is he coming home?"

"His bus leaves in forty minutes," Derek said.

"Good," Meredith nodded, jumping off the counter and grabbing his hand. "I want a bath."

"Mer, no sex," Derek groaned although he was smiling.

"Bath, Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You know, with soap. And bubbles."

"Together?" Derek asked.

"Yes," Meredith nodded, leading him towards the bath room.

"This should be fun," Derek smiled.

"I want to be bright and shiny," Meredith smiled as she started taking off his sweatshirt.

"We can do that," Derek nodded.

She kissed him deeply and then started undressing too, taking off his t-shirt as he started the bath. "Don't forget the bubbles."

"Of course not," he laughed.

She climbed into the bath, waiting as he climbed in behind her, wrapping his arms around her. "Derek."

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I'm glad I'm in your bath tub," she murmured, resting her head against his chest.

"Me too," he whispered, lightly pressing a kiss on her head.

_Now come in from this storm  
I taste you sweet and warm  
Take what you need  
Take what you need  
From me_


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Have you read our stuff? If we owned Grey's Anatomy it would be a much pornier show.**

Meredith yawned as she came into the kitchen, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. In the three days since Mark had gotten home from New York, she had gotten barely any free time with Derek. Mark had apparently partied so hard during the holidays that he was taking a break. Which apparently meant sitting around the apartment and being annoying. "Morning, Mary," he grinned.

"Morning," she groaned, moving to pour herself a cup of coffee.

"How's the bed?" he asked. He had given up his bed for her, and was now sleeping on the couch. "Lonely?"

"The bed is fine," she sighed, completely lying. It was damn lonely without her boyfriend. Derek was an idiot. And she wasn't quite sure why she was going along with it.

"You know, if you ever get cold..." Mark trailed off, winking.

"It's cute how you never give up," Meredith answered.

"You know what else I'll never give up on?" Mark frowned. "Trying to find out what the hell is going on with you and Shep? The guy steals my car to drive out here in a fucking snowstorm and the two of you won't even look at each other."

"He's a jackass," Meredith groaned, not really having to lie.

Derek chose that moment to come in boxers, no t-shirt. Meredith couldn't help but hate him in that moment. "Will guys quiet the fuck down?" Derek groaned. "Some of us are trying to get some sleep here."

"Poor guy," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Oh, you're still here," Derek groaned, rolling his eyes.

"No one's kicked me out yet," Meredith pointed out, smiling evilly at him.

"Unfortunately," Derek mumbled under his breath, moving past her to grab a cup of coffee, she nearly jumped when she felt a small pinch on her ass.

Meredith groaned instead, out of sexual frustration more than anything else but Mark didn't know that. "One more week and you never have to see me again."

"What the hell is the matter with you two?" Mark frowned. "Mary, were you fucking someone when he came in? Because he called me from the road and was gross and disgusting about his love for you."

Meredith coughed quickly covering her mouth to hide the smile that Mark's words brought. "It's none of your business, Mark," Derek answered for her.

"The fuck it's not," Mark frowned. "You're my brother, Mary's my friend. And the two of you want to fuck each other so bad I can barely breathe in here. I feel like I'm in the middle of a really bad porn and the next thing I know you'll be screwing each other on a copy machine."

"Then leave," Derek groaned.

"This is my apartment, you know," Mark pointed out. "And I'm only leaving if the two of you promise to screw each other senseless and admit to the warm fuzzy feelings."

"There are no warm fuzzy feelings," Meredith denied.

"Bullshit," Mark rolled his eyes. "Mary, you told me you loved him. Shep, you committed a fucking felony for her."

"And then things happened, it's over Mark," Derek shrugged.

"Mary, didn't I take good care of you the past couple of months?" Mark pleaded.

"Excluding the inappropriate sexual comments, yes," Meredith nodded.

"Then do you know how you could repay me?" he asked.

"I don't want anything to do with your pickle, Mark," Meredith sighed, as Derek bit back a laugh.

"That's the best way," Mark acknowledged, a smile on his face. "And you're already sleeping on my bed. That makes things easier."

Meredith groaned. "If your pickle even comes close to me I'll bite it off."

"Ouch, Mary," Mark rolled his eyes. "But if you won't have sex with me, and you are missing out, then telling me what's up with you and Shep will help. Because Mom's freaking out."

"Really?" Derek cut in. "You only want to know for Mom?"

"Fuck, I want to know because you're my two best friends," Mark sighed. "And I hate that you're making me have a chick flick moment."

"I'm your best friend?" Meredith smiled.

"Yeah, Mary," Mark nodded. "My best friend that I also wouldn't mind fucking. But my best friend."

"I thought I was your best friend that you wouldn't mind fucking," Derek pouted.

"Dude. Incest," Mark grimaced.

"Not technically," Meredith pointed it out. "You should give it a try Mark, god knows that bastard isn't going to get any women."

"At least I don't have to get drunk to get someone to sleep with me," Derek argued, but then quickly mouthed, "Sorry" as Mark rolled his eyes.

"It's okay," Meredith mouthed back, and then groaning loudly. "At least I'm getting some."

"Wait!" Mark growled. "Mary, since when are you getting some? I thought you were doing the whole celibacy thing?"

Meredith quickly cleared her throat. "Well yes, but umm...I'll eventually get some. Unlike him."

"I'll get more than enough without the aid of tequila," Derek frowned. "And maybe I'll call Addison."

Meredith glared at him. "I can't wait to go home," she groaned.

"Me neither," Derek nodded. "I'm going to my room. Can't be around her for longer than a few minutes. I lose IQ points."

"And you really don't have that many to spare," Meredith smirked.

Derek snorted, pinched her ass once more, and then stalked off to his room, slamming the door for effect. Mark just stared at Meredith. "Mary. What. The. Fuck?"

"What?" Meredith shrugged.

"You love him," Mark said slowly.

"Used to," Meredith said, looking down at the Muesli in her bowl. Derek's habits were already rubbing off on her.

"Mary, I love you in a totally sexual but non romantic way," Mark stated. "And something's up. What happened?"

Tears, Meredith suddenly thought, tears would be good. She blinked a couple of times, causing her eyes to well up. "Mark, I really...I don't want to talk about this."

"Oh Christ, Mary," Mark sighed, pulling her into his arms. "I hate when you cry. Did he do something to you? Do I need to kick his ass? I can, you know. I'll break his nose again."

Meredith quickly shook her head. "He didn't do anything...it's just...we're not...Mark, I can't talk about it."

Mark nodded and sighed, his hand traveling down to her ass. "It's okay, Mary."

"Mark," Meredith groaned, pulling away.

"Sorry," Mark shrugged. "Had to ruin the moment. So what do you chicks do when you're all hurting and crying? Ice cream or something?"

"Usually helps," Meredith sighed.

"I can go get you some," Mark nodded. "No chick flicks though, Mary. Shit is disgusting."

Meredith giggled softly. "Strawberry," she quickly kissed his cheek. "You're the best, Mark."

"In bed, I know," Mark nodded, getting up and throwing his jacket on.

"And I never will," Meredith reminded him.

"Missing out, Mary," Mark grinned as he grabbed his keys. "Try not to kill Shep while I'm gone."

"Not making any promises," Meredith sighed.

"Well, make sure you don't get blood anywhere if you do," Mark laughed, and left, closing the door behind him just as Derek opened his bedroom door.

"He's gone?" Derek smiled, looking around the empty apartment.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed. "He's going to grab me ice cream to cry over."

"What did you tell him?" Derek laughed, walking over to where Meredith was standing and pulling her into his arms.

"I started crying and told him I couldn't talk about it," Meredith giggled as she kissed him.

"You're brilliant," Derek grinned. "Sorry."

"Me too," she murmured.

"We should probably think of a way to tell him soon," Derek sighed.

"We?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "I think you get to tell him. You're the one who came up with this stupid plan."

"You went along with it," Derek argued.

"I have no idea why," Meredith sighed and then kissed him, hard. "We probably have about thirty minutes before he comes back."

"We definitely need to take advantage," Derek said, moving them towards his room.

"Definitely," Meredith nodded as she stopped to push him against the wall, kissing him deeply as she moved her hands into his boxers.

"This was a stupid plan," Derek groaned as he pulled her shirt over her head.

"Yes, it was," she panted as he took one of her nipples into her mouth as she began to caress his erection.

"God, Mer," Derek breathed. "No...sex...also...stupid."

"Very," she breathed into his ear, her hand still moving swiftly over him.

Derek sighed and brought his lips to hers again, kissing her hard, their tongues dueling in their mouths. He eventually pulled away, panting. "Mer...god..."

"What?" she murmured, trying to capture his lips again, her hand stopping for just a moment.

"Don't...don't stop..." Derek breathed, thrusting his hips closer to her.

She giggled a little and then took her hand out of his boxers. "Bedroom," she murmured to him.

"Bedroom," Derek agreed, dragging her behind him.

She pushed him to sit down on the bed, taking off his boxers quickly and kneeling down in front of him, her lips closing over the head of his penis as she swirled her tongue gently. Derek buried his hands in her hair as she moved her lips over him, his moans loud and desperate. "Mer," he groaned, as her lips slid down his shaft, taking more of him into her mouth but continuing the movements of her tongue. She moaned a little, causing a vibration that only intensified the pleasure as she reached her hands up to fondle his balls as she only continued to take him further into her mouth, her fingers playing nimbly with him as she continued moaning.

"Mer," Derek gasped as she tightened her hand on his balls ever so slightly. "God...Meredith!" She tightened her hand again as she moved her tongue quickly over the head of his penis. He moaned her name loudly, gripping her hair as he felt the orgasm begin to overcome him.

"Meredith," he breathed as his hips bucked up and his body shook with his orgasm, releasing himself into her mouth as she moaned softly.

She swallowed eagerly and then sat back on her heels, a small smile on her face. "You owe me," she giggled a little.

"Give me time to breathe and I'll be too happy to pay you back," Derek laughed softly.

Suddenly, they heard a noise in the kitchen and Meredith's eyes widened. "Do you think he heard us?" she whispered. "And where the fuck is my shirt?"

"Relax," Derek sighed. "I'll umm...go talk to him. Just grab something to pull on." He got out of the bed and shrugged back into his pants, deciding the shirt wasn't needed.

Derek walked into the hallway, trying to regain a sense of balance from Meredith's blow job. "There you are," Mark grinned evilly. "Went back to sleep?"

"Yeah," Derek coughed. "Didn't...umm...sleep well last night."

"Bad dream?" Mark chuckled.

"Nope," Derek shook his head quickly. "Just...you know...couldn't sleep."

"Sounds like you were having a pretty good dream this time," Mark laughed, opening a bottle of water. "You should probably change your sheets before Mary comes out."

"What are you talking about?" Derek asked.

"She may want to know why you were screaming her name," Mark laughed again. "You've really gotta get control of those porn dreams, Shep."

"What's going on?" Derek heard a tiny voice from behind him.

Mark's laughter suddenly went silent as he stared at Meredith, who was wearing one of Derek's button downs, her hair a tangled mess. "It wasn't another dream?" he asked Derek, a huge grin on his face.

"I'm not answering that," Derek groaned.

"You two are fucking again?" Mark's grin was so big Meredith couldn't help but wonder if it hurt.

"We're not fucking," Meredith sighed.

"It's about fucking time," Mark grinned. "Glad to know it's real Mary giving you a good time, Shep. Not dream Mary."

"What's he talking about?" Meredith asked.

"Nothing," Derek rolled his eyes. "Absolutely nothing."

"No," Meredith shook her head quickly. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing, Mer," Derek sighed as he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly as Mark grinned like a complete moron.

"It's not nothing, Derek," Meredith groaned.

"Derek had naughty dreams when he was 'tutoring' you, Mary," Mark laughed at Derek's obvious discomfort.

"Naughty dreams?" Meredith asked, sounding pretty confused as she looked at the two guys.

"He fucked you on the library tables," Mark nodded.

"Seriously?" Meredith giggled. "Seriously, Derek, fucking me on the library table?"

â€˜ "We are not friends anymore," Derek glared at Mark.

"Come on, Derek, lighten up," Meredith giggled. "It's hot, Derek the Dork wanted in my pants."

"Had to change the sheets a few times," Mark chuckled. "Screamed your name so loud..."

"If you value your life you might want to shut up now," Derek groaned.

"I couldn't even study," Mark laughed.

"That loud, Der?" Meredith giggled.

Derek just shook his head, trying to hide his reddening face. "You're dead, Sloan."

Mark laughed. "Shep, now maybe you can act it out in real life."

Meredith smiled and rested her hand on Derek's chest. "We could you know," she breathed.

"Mer, it involved a really short skirt and no panties," Derek whispered in her ear.

"Really?" Meredith giggled.

"This is not something I'm about to lie about," Derek laughed.

She giggled again and kissed him, whispering, "I'm open to a short skirt and no panties."

"On a very public library table?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Could be fun," she nodded. "I mean, how many people are even on campus right now?"

"Seriously?" Derek smiled.

"Seriously," she nodded, squeezing his ass. "Should I pencil it in, Mr. Shepherd?"

"What about the no sex thing?" Derek whispered.

"Wait, wait," Mark frowned, obviously having overheard the conversation. "No sex?"

"No sex," Meredith sighed. "Derek seems to think it's a good idea to wait until we're a real couple, whatever the fuck that means."

"You're such a chick," Mark rolled his eyes. "Ice cream is in the freezer, Mary. Why don't you lick it off of each other. And keep it down, will ya?"

"Because you always have," Derek smiled.

"Not my fault I can make a girl scream her throat raw," Mark shrugged.

"Thanks for the over share," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You're just jealous, Mary," Mark winked, laughing and then started towards his room before turning around. "Just so you know, I'm happy for the two of you. But no happy couple shit. I like to keep my food down."

"That's too bad, to think I was planning a romantic poetry reading tonight," Derek sighed.

"Awww, I was looking forward to that," Meredith giggled.

"It would have been a good time," Derek shook his head.

"I'm going to vomit," Mark rolled his eyes and went into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

"You were never supposed to hear about those dreams," Derek groaned.

Meredith laughed. "I can't believe Derek the Dork had porny dreams," she said, cuddling close to him.

"It's your fault," Derek pouted.

"My fault?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "I don't remember telling you to fuck me on a library table. I hated you."

"You didn't hate me," Derek argued. "And it was more of...well...you're damn hot."

"I so hated you," Meredith giggled. "Though, the first time I saw you, I totally wanted to fuck you."

"Of course you did," Derek smiled smugly.

"You're such a smug ass," she giggled, slapping his bare chest lightly.

"You love it," he replied, kissing her quickly.

"Sometimes," she nodded, kissing him back. "You know, this no sex thing is much more fun than I thought."

Derek gave her a look like she had grown a second head. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," she nodded. "It, uh, it...well...you're so horny and you're suffering."

"It's fun that I'm suffering?" Derek asked.

"Definitely," she giggled. "Let's watch a movie."

"Sure," Derek sighed, kissing her quickly one more time.

They cuddled onto the couch together, Meredith lying next to him, a bare leg over his leg as they watched a movie before Meredith finally whispered, "Thanks."

"For?" Derek asked.

"Nothing," Meredith smiled and then rolled over on top of him, straddling him. "Now, why don't you tell me more about these naughty dreams of yours?"

Derek laughed. "What do you want to know?"

She giggled and leaned forward to kiss him, her hands moving over his body as she started grinding her hips lightly over him. "Everything."

"Hmm..." he moaned. "You were late for a session and fucking me was your punishment. You called me Mr. Shepherd."

"Oh really, Mr. Shepherd," she murmured, grinding against him a little faster now.

"You were amazing," Derek sighed. "I couldn't get it out of my head."

"Did I live up to your expectations?" she breathed.

"You always have," Derek smiled.

"Good," she nodded and then rolled off him. "Shower time."

"Shower?" Derek asked, slightly confused.

"Definitely," she nodded. "Then we can live out one of my naughty dreams."

"You've had naughty dreams about me?" he asked, getting up from the couch.

"Wouldn't you like to know," she winked.

"I told you about mine," he pouted.

"You need to repay me for the favor earlier," she reminded gently as she unbuttoned her shirt.

"I do," he nodded.

"So?" she raised her eyebrows, turning on the water and then kissing him, hard. "Let's go, Mr. Shepherd, I've been a very bad girl."

_"Dirty babe, you see these shackles I'm your slave, I'll let you whip me if I misbehave, it's just that no one makes me feel this way."_


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: Has everyone see the new Grey's promo

**Disclaimer: Has everyone see the new Grey's promo? The one in which Derek doesn't the cute eye brow lift? If we owned Grey's he'd be doing it constantly, cause that's hot.**

Meredith looked down at her book, the lines of writing coloured over with blue highlighter, and groaned in frustration. Classes started Monday and she wasn't ready. She was no where close to ready. There were books she hadn't even touched yet. It was Derek's fault, Derek and his damn smile because she would go to study. And then he would smile and she'd forget about studying. Hell she'd forget about breathing.

Her first class of the semseter was apparently one of the most difficult a freshman would ever take, and she had been attempting to read the book for over a week now. Anytime she would open it, Derek would come over and start kissing her neck. Or suggesting a movie. Or saying things. He was always around. And he was always saying things. She couldn't get anything done.

She was ready to move home. Because living with Derek and Mark was a lot of fun but she didn't have time for fun, she had to study and right now studying definitely wasn't happeninng. At least not as much as was needed. Which was a lot. And somehow Derek the Dork seemed to have forgotten that entirely. He was too busy kissing her to think about that. Not that she minded the kissing. Usually.

"Shep!" Mark came running into the apartment, snow on his leather jacket and dusting his hair. "Shep! Get your ass out here!"

"What?" Derek asked, coming from the washroom where he had been busy shaving.

"It's time," Mark grinned, throwing a brightly colored piece of paper at his friend.

"What?" Derek asked, sounding confused but then glanced at the paper. "Oh!"

"Dude, did you forget?" Mark laughed. "Cause it's definitely time."

"Sorry, other things have been on my mind," Derek said, smiling over at Meredith. "But it's definitely time."

"Time for what?" Meredith sighed as she threw her high lighter down.

"The only party I like going to," Derek smiled, walking towards her with the flyer.

"The best fucking party of the year," Mark grinned. "Not even I can throw a party like Jason."

"You have to come," Derek urged her.

"When is it?" she sighed, staring down at the highlighted words.

"Saturday night," Derek answered. "No isn't an option."

"Derek, class starts Monday," Meredith sighed, pushing the flyer aside and picking up her highlighter again. "I can't get wasted all weekend. There are still three books I have to get through, which I don't think I ever will. Which means I'm screwed."

"Mer, you have to come to this party," Derek pouted. "You can't miss this party. If you miss it...you won't even be Meredith the Dork. We will have to discover something far worse."

"Derek, it's a party," she rolled her eyes. "This is my schoolwork. I have to finish this book before Monday at nine A.M."

"No you don't," Derek sighed. "No one will be done the book before the class even starts."

"Well, I will be," she insisted.

"Why?" Derek asked, crouching down beside her.

"What do you mean why?" she rolled her eyes. "Because I have to finish it. Because I want to start the semester right. Because I have to be...I have to. Okay? Now could you and Mark go somewhere else please?"

Derek shook his head. "No, Mark's going somewhere else but we're talking about this."

"Mary," Mark sighed, "don't do this. Okay. It's over. You're good now. Just come to the party."

Meredith glanced at Derek, her eyes pleading for him to let it drop, to leave her to her books and walk away. "Mer, what is it?"

"It's nothing," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm stressed. School starts Monday. And I'm exhausted. And you. You are always around. You're always around and you say things."

"You're stressing yourself out. You're exhausted because you stay up late studying and then wake up early to sudy," Derek nodded. "And this is the happily ever after part. The guy is supposed to be around all the time, saying things. And the girls love it."

"Well maybe I don't love the happily ever part," Meredith snapped. "Now will you go away so I can at least get through one chapter? I have to finish this."

"No you don't," Derek said back, grabbing the highlighter from her hands.

"Derek!" she screeched, trying to grab the high lighter back. "Mark, make him give me the high lighter back!"

"I'm definitely staying out of this one, Mary," Mark answered, throwing his hands in the air and retreating to his room.

"I can't believe you," Meredith sighed. "Just give me the fucking high lighter, Derek."

"I will once we talk," Derek nodded.

"There's nothing to talk about," she shook her head. "I have to study."

"Oh there's a lot of talk about. Let's start with exactly why you have to study," Derek suggested.

"Because I have to," she sighed. "Because I have to make the perfect marks. Because class starts Monday and I'm taking much more challenging classes this semester, and more classes for that matter."

"All of that made sense," Derek nodded. "But one part, why the fuck do you need to make perfect marks?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Because I want to get into a good med school," she mumbled.

"So do I, so does Mark," Derek argued.

"So you want me to act more like Mark?" she stared at him.

"No," Derek shook his head. "I want you to act more like you."

She shook her head. "Derek. I have to study."

"Why?" Derek demanded. "Why do you have to study? Why can't you spend one night having fun with your boyfriend?"

"Derek, the last time we tried to have fun at a party, we fucked and you crashed your motorcycle," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I would much rather spend the night here, studying."

"That night was bad. And it's never going to repeat again. Ever. Mer, you can't stay in our apartment for the rest of your life because you're afraid to mess us up again," Derek sighed.

"You're right," Meredith nodded. "Saturday night I'll be back in the dorms."

"Saturday night you'll be at this party with me," Derek stated.

"No, Derek," she shook her head and turned back towards her book. "I'll be at the dorms. Studying."

"What's wrong with you?" Derek asked gently. "What happened to the girl that stormed out of our first session?"

"Nothing's wrong with me," Meredith sighed. And then mumbled something that sounded vaguely like, "And you hated that girl.'

"Meredith, you have to talk to me," Derek sighed. "No mumbling."

"Derek, you hated that girl," she sighed. "You hated drunken slutty Meredith."

"What?" Derek asked looking confused. "Is that what this is about?"

Meredith shrugged and didn't say anything as she grabbed the highlighter out of his hand and turned to her book.

Derek sighed and crouched down beside her, not asking her to look at him, letting her study. "Meredith, I never hated that girl. I hated the fact that girl had so much potential and was so amazing and was throwing it all away. I hated that you couldn't see yourself how I wanted to. But I didn't hate you."

"She wasn't good enough for you," Meredith murmured.

"What? You were always good enough for me," Derek responded. "You can flunk out and you'll still be good enough."

"Don't be ridiculous," Meredith rolled her eyes. "That girl? The girl who drank tequila and had sex with strangers and skipped classes? She wasn't good enough for you. But this...the studying. Perfect marks. That's good, right?"

"No it's not," Derek shook his head quickly. "The studying it driving me fucking nuts. If I wanted the perfect girl I would have stayed with Addison. I want you."

"You said so yourself," she sighed. "You said when we fought...you said things. About the drinking. And the studying. And that's what you want. You want a smart girl. Not a drunken first year who only cares about one thing. That's what you said."

"Meredith, I was mad," Derek sighed. "You said a lot of things that day too, did you mean all of them? Do you really think that way about me?"

She shrugged. "Derek, you said I should try being a good student. That's what I'm doing. I'm trying to be a good student. So no parties. No drinking. No sex."

"Mer, even good students relax a little. I want you to attend classes, I want you to do the readings and assignments. I want you to get good grades and all that stuff. I don'r want you to be some fucking robot that makes me look cool."

"I-I-can't," she stammered. "It's either studying or partying. I can't do one or the other. And if I don't get good marks then..."

"Then you still have me," Derek nodded. "But you can do both, it's possible, but you can definitely do both. Mark manages it and he's not half as smart as you are."

She giggled a little. "You didn't do both," she said softly. "You're...you're perfect. And you need a perfect girlfriend."

Derek laughed softly. "I don't need a perfect girlfriend, I need you. Even when you infuriate me, I need you. And maybe I should work on being a little less perfect."

"You're sure?" she sighed. "I mean...I don't have to party. Or drink. Studying is fine."

"I'm sure. Party, drink, be you. Although I'm going to have to draw the line at the one night stands," Derek laughed.

"I don't know," she chewed at her bottom lip.

"Mer, yesterday...I was thinking about you, about us and I finally figured out when I fell in love with you," Derek sighed.

"When?" she asked, finally turning to look at him.

"I fell for you when you giggled about colouring my diagrams in. Not when you read the entire text book or wrote that amazing paper. But when you giggled at my diagrams."

"Those were pretty lame," she giggled.

"You loved them" Derek smiled. "Mer, you don't have to be anything you're not to keep me. You most certainly don't have to be perfect. I want you, that's all."

She smiled a little. "You're so damn cheesy sometimes, Mr. Shepherd," she said, throwing her arms around his neck.

Derek hugged her tightly. "So party Saturday night, you in?"

"I guess," she sighed. "And what's the big deal about this party anyway?"

"It's the big welcome back party. Everyone goes," Derek explained.

"Why do you like it so much?" she asked, reaching over to close her book.

"It's fun, it's carefree. No one has homework so everyone is just looking for a good time. And it's tradition for Mark and I. And you now," Derek explained.

"Okay," Meredith nodded slowly. "I guess I'll go."

"You guess?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

Meredith giggled. "I'm definitely going."

"Good," Derek nodded and kissed her. "How about we go watch Borat or something? Bring that IQ of yours down a few points."

She giggled as she pulled away. "You just hate it that your girlfriend is smarter than you."

"I just let you think you're smarter than me. Good for your ego," Derek laughed.

She laughed as she stood up, putting her books to the side. "I swear if the professor has a pop quiz on the first day, I'm killing you. That would be good for my ego too."

"But then you'd get lonely, and would only have Mark and his pickle for company," Derek pointed out.

"Oh disgusting," she frowned. "Don't make me vomit."

Derek laughed and pulled his girlfriend into his arms. "I love your repulsion of him."

"Your other girlfriends wanted to touch his pickle?" she giggled, kissing him.

Derek nodded. "There were a few."

"Obviously they were legally insane," Meredith smiled. "Der?"

"Yeah," he asked as they flopped onto the couch together.

"We should study together," she breathed as he turned on the TV.

"What? I thought you were done with studying thing?" Derek groaned.

"We should study together," she repeated, kissing his neck lightly. "In the library."

"Oh," Derek laughed. "We will. But not now."

"Why not?" she laughed, continuing to trail kisses down his neck.

"Bcause we're not having sex, and the library involves sex," Derek breathed.

"But old Meredith likes sex," she told him.

"Derek likes sex too," Derek sighed. "And it's coming. Soon. But not now."

"Fine," she sighed and stopped kissing his neck, resting her head against his chest. "Love you, Der."

"Love you too, Mer," he whispered, holding her close.

_I don't get many things right the first time  
In fact, I am told that a lot  
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls  
Brought me here_


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy nothing would ever get done because we'd be giggling at our funny lines all the time

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy nothing would ever get done because we'd be giggling at our funny lines all the time. Or droolling over Paddy.**

Meredith sat on Derek's bed, waiting as her boyfriend got dressed for the supposed party of the year. Derek and Mark had been talking about this party all week, talking about it with love and respect and admiration, like it was a person or something. Mark kept wanting to tell stories about past parties, but Derek would shut him up with a look and a few choice words.

"What shirt should I wear?" Derek asked her, looking through the shirts in his closet.

She shrugged, smiling a little. "No shirt is good," she giggled.

"Really?" Derek asked. "Want to share me with the rest of the females?"

Meredith frowned. "Good point," she nodded. "Definitely wear a lot of layers."

"I might get a little warm if I do that," Derek laughed.

"Then I'll undress you later," Meredith giggled as she fell back onto his bed. "So seriously, what's the big deal about this party?"

Derek shrugged as he buttoned up a red shirt. "I don't know. It's mine and Mark's thing."

Meredith grinned and walked over to him, placing her hands gently on his chest as she kissed him. "I like the shirt," she whispered.

"You should," Derek nodded. "It's my good looking red shirt."

"Oh, do you wear it when you seduce unsuspecting freshmen?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe," Derek responded. "Is it working?"

"Maybe," she murmured, kissing him deeply as she started to unbutton the shirt again.

"Mer," Derek sighed pushing back slightly. "I would love to get you naked, but we don't have time."

"Why not?" she asked, reaching for him as she pushed the shirt off his shoulders.

"Party," Derek groaned, kissing her hard. "Mark." He kissed her again, his tongue tangling with hers. "No sex."

"Forget the party," she breathed as she rubbed against him a little, pleased to feel his erection pushing against her. "Mark can wait. And I want sex."

"Mer," Derek gasped. "Big party."

"Hot sex," she murmured, gyrating her tight jean-clad hips against him.

"Mer, we can't," Derek sighed, raining kisses along Meredith's neck.

"We can," she moaned, pushing him back towards the bed. Derek decided to stop protesting, he didn't really have anything to protest anyway. They fell onto the bad as he climbed above her, moving his lips to her chest, trailing the line her low cut shirt made. She fumbled quickly with his belt and his pants, pushing them down around his ankles as she moaned with each kiss. "Der," she gasped as he nipped lightly at her skin.

He groaned as her hands moved to his erection, stroking it slightly through his boxers. He moved his head, bringing his lips to hers again with a growing urgency. "Hey!" Mark yelled, pounding on the door. "Save the sex for the party! Let's go!"

"I told you we couldn't," Derek groaned but made no move to leave where he was.

"We could always lie and say I have a terrible headache," she whispered, kissing him deeply again.

"We can't miss the party," Derek pouted.

"Party or hot sex with your hot girlfriend?" Meredith murmured, sucking on his bottom lip between each word.

"You're cheating," Derek groaned, kissing her back.

"If you're not out here in five, I'm coming in there!" Mark yelled.

"Do you want Mark to see my nearly naked ass?" Derek asked, pulling back slightly.

"Hasn't he seen it before?" Meredith giggled.

"But that was before it belonged to you," he winked.

"Mary!" Mark barked. "Get off him and get your hot ass out here!"

"Don't call my girlfriend's ass hot!" Derek yelled back, standing up and pulling Meredith off the bed.

"Later," Meredith pouted as she grabbed his ass.

"Definitely," Derek nodded.

"Get dressed," she sighed as she opened the door. "Mark, right now, I hate you."

"Mary, I'd say I'm sorry but quite frankly you two go at it too much," Mark groaned.

"You can have sex too much?" Meredith frowned. "Seriously, Mark? You're saying that."

"I can't have sex too much, Derek can definitely have sex too much," Mark laughed. "Especially since you're both so damn loud."

Meredith sighed. "We haven't even had sex yet," she mumbled.

"One second," Mark exclaimed, his mouth dropping open in shock. "You're telling me you and Shep are still not fucking..."

"No, Mark, we're still not fucking," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"So what exactly did I interrupt?" Mark asked.

"Mark, that's none of your business," Derek sighed as he came into the room, throwing on his leather jacket.

"I was just trying to help her out, offer her my services as you seem incapable," Mark shrugged.

"I am fully capable of having sex with my own girlfriend," Derek rolled his eyes as he put his arm around Meredith's waist.

"You are?" Meredith asked.

Derek mock frowned and took his arm away. "You're mean," he shook his head.

"Sorry," Meredith shrugged. "I get mean when I'm sexually frustrated."

"I can help you with that, Mary," Mark winked, throwing his arm around her shoulder.

"No Mark," Meredith groaned. "If you keep offering I might start rethinking our friendship."

"Awww, you know you love me," Mark grinned. "Now, let's go. And one of you sit in the front and one in the back. I don't need you staining my upholstery."

"I'm not going to jump my girlfriend while you're in the car," Derek shook his head and then paused in thought. "Okay, maybe I would. She's hot."

"Front seat, Shep," Mark ordered as they went downstairs towards his car.

"Fine, fine," Derek sighed.

Meredith kissed Derek on the lips and then climbed into the backseat as Mark and Derek slid in the front. "So this party," she said as Mark started the car, "is it big and loud with music and dancing and lots of tequila?"

"Of course," Mark answered. "Just your kind of party Mary."

Meredith went silent for a minute, settling back against the seat. "Yeah," she whispered, "I guess."

Derek looked over his shoulder, smiling at Meredith as he gave her a concerned look. "Thanks for coming, Mer."

She shrugged. "Not a big deal, Der. Just a party."

"Says the girl who's never been to this party," Mark laughed.

"What's the big deal?" Meredith sighed. "It's just a party."

"It's the best party you'll ever go to," Derek smiled.

"You guys act like god is throwing it," she laughed.

"You'll see, Mary," Mark nodded knowingly.

They pulled up to a rather large house, cars parked up and down the block, people moving into the house and standing outside it, cups in their hands. They got out of the car, Mark moving forward as Derek grabbed Meredith's hand and they walked up to the front door, where a guy only a little bit taller than Meredith in jeans and a suit jacket was waiting. "Shep!" he greeted Derek with a handshake.

"Jason!" Derek greeted in the return.

"Good to see you, man," Jason grinned. "Heard about the bike, damn shame."

"I miss her," Derek shook his head. "Teaches me to ride in the ice rain."

"My uncle is selling his, you know," Jason nodded. "I could give you his phone number if you need a new one?"

"Seriously?" Derek smiled and then turned to Meredith. "What do you think?"

Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Seriously, Der? You've already forgotten the cane? And the scar on your forehead?"

"I won't ride her in the ice rain this time," Derek pouted.

Meredith shrugged. "Up to you."

"No," Derek shook his head. "It's up to us."

"Us?" Jason grinned. "Got yourself a new girl, Shep?"

"Yeah," Derek grinned widely. "This is Meredith, my girlfiend. Mer, this is Jason."

"Good to meet you," Jason shook Meredith's hand. "Haven't seen you at the party before. You a first year?"

"Yeah," Meredith smiled shyly.

"Aw, Shep, you brought me a virgin!" Jason grinned. "You know they call this party the best of the year?"

"So they told me," Meredith giggled.

"Grab your girl a drink, Shep," Jason said. "And make sure she has a good time. By the way, your usual room is open for you. So is Mark's."

"Usual room?" Meredith asked Jason, one eyebrow raised in interest.

"Shep always gets lucky at this party, don't you, Shep?" Jason winked at Derek.

"Oh really?" Meredith asked, turning to look at her boyfriend.

"Freshman year," Jason laughed. "What was her name, Shep? The girl you brought that year?"

"I don't remember," Derek shook his head quickly.

"Rebecca?" Jason asked. "Either way. They had been dating three months, still hadn't screwed, thirty minutes into the party, Derek has her in a room."

"Is that why you wanted me to come tonight?" Meredith giggled. "Cause that's kind of tacky."

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head quickly.

"Really? I'm different than...Rebecca?" Meredith asked.

"And Lily and Emily?" Jason supplied two more names, a huge smile on his face.

"Wow, Der," Meredith giggled. "Now I know why you're Mark's best friend."

Jason laughed at Derek's frown and slapped him on the back. "Gotta make the rounds, Shep. Your record is fifteen minutes, Mark's is five."

"That's not why I brought you here," Derek quickly told Meredith the second his friend was gone.

"Really?" Meredith giggled as she cuddled into his chest. "Because apparently it's why you brought Rebecca, Lily, and Emily."

"I'm not going to lie," Derek sighed. "I brought them here for sex. You're here because I wouldn't want to be here without you."

"Cheesy," Meredith sighed, kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Would you rather me say I brought you here to fuck you in some random room?" Derek asked.

A flicker of pain flashed through Meredith's eyes as she quickly shook her head. "Uh, no," she whispered. "Definitely not. Definitely not. Tequila. There has to be tequila."

"Mer, what's wrong?" Derek asked, pulling her close.

"Nothing," she leaned her head against his chest.

"Talk to me," Derek urged. "No tequila until you talk to me."

"You're an evil man, Mr. Shepherd," she pinched his ass. "And it's just...the last party we were at...there was, well, there was fucking in random rooms. And there was fighting. And bad things."

"That's not happening tonight," Derek shook his head. "I am not sleeping with you tonight no matter how much you beg."

"Well, damn," Meredith sighed. "And to think I'm wearing that new see through bra I bought the other day."

"Oh, that's cruel," Derek laughed, kissing her quickly. "Let's go get a drink and show you why this party is the place to be."

"Okay," she giggled as they walked hand in hand towards the bar, where a guy and a girl were mixing drinks. Meredith got her tequila while Derek grabbed a beer, and they turned, Meredith bumping into the person behind her. "Oh, sorry," she frowned a little and then smiled. "Cristina!"

"Oh, you're still alive," Cristina responded sounding unimpressed.

"Yeah," Meredith smiled. "I moved into the dorms yesterday, didn't see you there."

"I was busy," Cristina shrugged.

"Derek, you remember Cristina, right?" Meredith squeezed Derek's hand.

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "Good to see you again."

"Seriously, Mer, you brought McDreamy?" Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed. "We're umm...he's my...boyfriend. We're dating."

"Boyfriend?" Cristina grimaced. "Disgusting. That is just vomit inducing."

"No it's not," Meredith giggled. "We're...happy."

"You know I think I liked philandering whore Meredith better," Cristina frowned. "She was trashy and a lot less idyllic."

"Cristina, what's your problem?" Meredith asked.

"What's my problem?" Cristina stared at her. "You're the one with your McDreamy boyfriend at a party."

"Why shouldn't I bring my boyfriend to a party?" Meredith asked, holding Derek's hand tightly.

"Because we don't do boyfriends," Cristina remarked. "Especially you. You have trashy one night stands. I sleep with TAs. It's what we do. Not this love crap."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "But...Derek, he's umm...I can't help it Cristina."

"God, you're like a puppy dog," Cristina rolled her eyes. "I definitely need more liquor.'

"Seriously? I get a boyfriend and you act like you don't even know me. Seriously?" Meredith groaned.

Cristina just rolled her eyes again and then turned back to the bar, ordering another drink. Derek squeezed Mer's hand tightly. "You okay?" he whispered in her ear.

"I..I don't know," Meredith murmured, leaning against him.

"We can leave," he murmured, running his fingers through her hair.

Meredith smiled gratefully at him. "No, no...this is your party, Der. we can stay."

"You sure?" he looked at her, that soft smile on his face.

"I'm sure," Meredith smiled. "Thanks for the offer."

"You're my girlfriend," Derek grinned. "I want to take care of you. And she said things, Mer."

"She said things," Meredith nodded, leaning her head against his chest. "Being with you...it, she's wrong. I'm still me...just...with you."

He chuckled a little and kissed the top of her head. "You wanna sit down somewhere?" he murmured.

"Sure," she nodded.

"Shep," Jason suddenly walked up to them. "Mark has a chick up in his room. Three minutes."

"Impressive," Derek laughed.

Jason shook his head. "The man is a god. What about you, Shep? What am I clocking you in for this year?"

"Not using it this year, Jason," Derek shook his head.

"I'll believe it when I see it, Shep," Jason laughed.

"Mer and I are just going to stick to the main party," Derek shrugged. "She's not one of them."

"You know," Meredith whispered, "we could go up there."

"You want to go up there?" Derek asked.

"Not for...not to...you know," Meredith blushed.

"Of course not," Derek shook his head quickly and whispered into her ear. "Why do you want to go upstairs?"

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know...I...this...this is weird. Parties are for...you know and we're not and this is just weird. And I'm trying to get used to it, I guess. I really am."

"We can go upstairs for a bit if you want," Derek nodded.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, squeezing his hand. "Let's go upstairs."

"It hasn't been fifteen minutes,' Derek laughed, getting up. "You're about to become my new record."

She giggled. "It's been eleven minutes since we got here," she told him. "You're so amazing, Der. It must be the red shirt."

"I knew it would work it's magic," Derek smiled.

"Eleven minutes, Shep!" Jason called out. "Knew you couldn't say no to the room!"

"The lady requested it," Derek shrugged.

"Can't say no to the Shepherd charm," Jason laughed. "Condoms are provided!"

Derek groaned. "As they always are."

They walked upstairs quickly and Derek opened the door to a darkened bedroom, he flipped on the light and Meredith sat on the bed, sighing as she took a small sip of tequila. "So this is your room?" she asked.

"This is my room," Derek nodded. "Some good times have happened in the room."

She giggled as she scooted across the bedspread, bringing herself into a cross-legged position. "You're not as dorky as I thought, Derek the Dork," she grinned.

"I know," Derek nodded. "Who to think a man with a day planner had a sex room?"

She giggled again. "Well, you know, I looked at your day planner and you did have sex scheduled today...twice."

"I did," Derek nodded. "I think we should. Soon."

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "Soon...ish."

"Definitely not now, but soon," Derek said, leaning close to her.

"Derek," Meredith sighed.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Maybe," she sighed again, "we...I'm not...this feels...wrong."

"What feels wrong?" Derek asked.

"The party," she answered. "I mean...it just feels...wrong. And maybe I'm not the partying type anymore. And I know you said you liked partying Mer but this doesn't feel right. I miss...I want...movies and being home...and you've ruined me. Really."

Derek sighed a smile stretched across his face as he fell back onto the bed. "Thank god, this just isn't fun anymore. I want to be at home with you, cuddling and watching a movie. This isn't me."

She giggled as she lay against his chest, her head right above his heart. "So it feels wrong to you too?"

"It does," Derek replied, running his hand through her hair. "We've been dating just over a week and we're already an old married couple. That's sad, right?"

"Very," she nodded. "Pathetic even. You've ruined me, Shepherd."

"And you've ruined me, Grey," Derek laughed.

She giggled. "So what do we do now?"

"I don't know," Derek replied. "There's a tv in here, want to throw it on?"

"Seriously?" she giggled. "What if Jason comes up here? We can't let other people know we've ruined each other. I have a reputation, you know."

"Well so do I, I have a room god damn it," Derek laughed. "You could yell my name every now and then if you want."

She laughed. "Oh, you mean like this?" she cleared her throat. "Oh, God, Derek! Harder!"

"Impressive," Derek nodded, raising his eyebrows at her. "God, Mer..." he moaned loudly.

"Nice," she giggled. "You're such an animal!" she shouted and then collapsed into a fit of loud giggles.

Derek laughed and pulled her close. "See, this is much better than downstairs."

"Yeah," she nodded as she calmed herself down. "Much better than a stupid party or tequila."

"Mark's going to hate us," Derek smiled. "He'll never talk to us again."

"Where's his room?" Meredith grinned evilly.

"Right next to this one, why?" Derek asked.

Meredith laughed and then started rocking back and forth against the headboard. "Oh, God, Derek! Finally! Yes! Yes! Harder! Fuck me harder!"

Derek caught on immediately as he bit back a silent laugh. "Mer! Mer! You're fucking amazing, god Mer! Meredith!"

There was a loud banging on the wall. "Keep it down in there!" Mark snapped, sounding a little breathless. "And it's about fucking time!"

There was a loud banging on the wall. "Keep it down in there!" Mark snapped, sounding a little breathless. "And it's about fucking time!"

Meredith and Derek both laughed, trying to keep it quiet so Mark didn't hear them. "You're brilliant, Mer."

"I know," she nodded and then reached for the remote for the TV. "You know...your hotter twin is on Will and Grace reruns tonight."

"Oh him," Derek nodded. "He doesn't play a gay guy, does he?"

She giggled. "He does. But a very yummy in the closet gay guy."

"Gay? I don't want to look like a guy that plays gay, even if you think he's yummy," Derek groaned.

"You're such a loser," Meredith rolled her eyes and changed the channel, settling against Derek as Patrick Dempsey came on the screen and she let out a small moan of appreciation.

"Right here, Mer," Derek reminded her laughing.

"He's so fuckable," Meredith sighed.

"Right here," Derek repeated.

"And those eyes..."

"Meredith..." Derek groaned.

"Derek, I think you'll just have to accept that I'll always love Paddy more than you," she smiled at him.

"I don't know if I'm comfortable with that," Derek whined.

"You're ridiculous," she rolled her eyes before kissing him. "And you should watch him. Maybe you'll learn some tips...he has this look he does..."

"And now I'm being asked to be more like him," Derek sighed. "I should kill him, be a service to men everywhere."

"Awww, you're jealous of a forty one year old man with three kids and a wife?" she giggled.

"I'm not jealous," Derek pouted. "I don't get jealous. Especially of actors with overly moussed hair."

"You are jealous," she laughed as she turned off the TV and rolled on top of him, straddling him as she kissed him. "Jealous Derek is hot."

"Oh really?" Derek laughed.

"Definitely," Meredith nodded.

"Do I get an award for being hot?' he asked.

"Me," Meredith smiled smugly.

"Best award there is," Derek smiled.

"Hey," Meredith murmured into his ear, "let's get out of here. We'll have the apartment to ourselves tonight."

"That sounds like a good idea," Derek smiled.

"And then we can watch a movie and order in," Meredith smiled wickedly, climbing off of him. "And then maybe I'll go back to my dorm and sleep."

"Dorm? Why your dorm?" Derek asked.

"To torture you," Meredith giggled. "Oh, and for good measure...Derek!! Yes! Oh God...I can't...yes...yes...yes!"

"Mer! Damn! Wow...god, Mer!" Derek shouted. "And you're staying with me tonight."

"I know," she sighed as she cuddled into him. "I had fun tonight, Der."

"So did I," Derek sighed. "Best time I've ever had in this room."

_I could feel it from the start,  
Couldn't stand to be apart.  
Something â€˜bout you caught my eye,  
Something moved me deep inside  
Don't know what you did boy but you had it and i've been hooked ever since. _


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: Grey's is finally back this week

**Disclaimer: Grey's is finally back this week! If we owned the show it never would have been gone. And we mean never. It would be some 24 hour thing...I don't know how...but it would.**

Derek walked down the hall, flipping through the pages of his textbook as he whistled. Life was good. Really good. He had Meredith and right now he was feeling it was all he'd ever need for life to be good. Him and Meredith, it was enough. Suddenly some familiar hair caught his eye. "Mer!"

She turned around quickly, a cup of coffee in one hand and a textbook in the other. "Hey," she smiled, coming towards him and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey!" he smiled. "How are you?"

"Good," she sighed. "Stressed. Professor Jackson just assigned thirty pages to read and a paper to write by Monday. I swear, he's a sadist."

"Ouch," Derek winced. "I promise to stay far way Sunday."

"I may have to stay at my dorm," she said, taking a sip of her coffee. "How are your classes going?"

"Not bad, although I'll be pretty busy Sunday too," Derek sighed.

She pouted. "So no sleep over at your place?"

"Not Saturday," Derek frowned. "But I did have to talk to you about the rest of the weekend."

"What's up?" she asked, throwing her coffee cup away and linking her hand with his.

Derek grinned at her, his big kid on Christmas morning grin. "Meredith, would you like to go to dinner with me Friday night?"

"What?" she giggled.

"Dinner Friday night," Derek chuckled, shaking his head.

"Aren't we just going to have dinner at your place?" she asked.

"No," Derek shook his head. "We're going on a date. If you say yes."

"Der, you realize I practically live with you, right?" she giggled. "I mean, I don't even remember what my dorm looks like. A date is a little late at this point, don't you think?"

"A date is never late," Derek answered, leaning close to whisper her ear. "And I said I wasn't have sex with you till I took you out to dinner."

"Good point," she giggled. "Okay. A date. Friday night."

"Good," Derek nodded.

"So, uh, what time?" she asked.

"Sixish?" he responded.

"Okay," she nodded. "And where are you picking me up from? Should I go back to my dorm? And are you going to have to borrow Markie's car?"

"Go back to your dorm," Derek nodded. "And yes, we'll be using Mark's car. Did you just call him Markie?"

She laughed. "I overheard a girl at the coffee shop calling him that," she smiled. "I think she was trying to pick him up."

"Markie is not the way to pick him up. Mom's and my sisters are the only people that call him Markie," Derek laughed.

"Well, this girl didn't know that," Meredith giggled. "She was giving him puppy dog eyes and calling him Markie-poo. I thought he was going to die. So that's what I think I'll call him. So much funnier than McSteamy."

"McSteamy?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded. "McSteamy."

"You can call him Markie-poo," Derek frowned. "You're pratically a sister to him anyway."

"True," she smiled and then kissed him. "I have to run to Advanced Bio. See you tonight."

"See you," he replied.

He watched as she ran off towards her class and started whistling again, perfectly content. He had a date with Meredith. Now he just had to think of what to do on this date.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith sat on her bed, wrining her hands together as she waited for Derek to show up. She was nervous. Which was insane. She pratically lived with Derek. She was always with him. She was in love with him. She had no reason to be nervous about a silly supper date. But she was. Because she didn't do dates. She did parties and tequilla. She even did nights cuddling at home now. But not dates.

She frowned at her reflection in the mirror by her bed. She was probably dressed too casually. Jeans and a white button down and a vest. Probably too casual. Definitely too casual. Of course, Derek had said it would be a laid back fun date. But still, she should probably dress up more. It was a date. Why was she even going on a date? She and Derek were practically married.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door which made her jump. She had been expecting it. She had given her keys to Derek so he could let himself in this far. Because he wanted to knock on the door. This time he was all about being traditional.

She gave one last disapproving look towards her appearance in the mirror and opened the door to find Derek standing there in jeans, a button down, and a sweater, flowers in hand. "Uh...hi," she murmured.

"Hey," he smiled, handing her the flowers. "There are for you."

"Um, thanks," she smiled lightly, taking the flowers. "Though, I think they'd look better at the apartment. Cristina might kill them or something."

"We can take them with us," Derek nodded. "You look nice."

"Really?" she sighed. "Not too casual? Because I have no idea what people wear on dates. I mean, do they dress up? Am I supposed to wear a dress? So I settled on this and oh god, it's too casual isn't it? I'll change. It will take me a second. I'll change."

â€œMer, you look perfect,â€ Derek sighed. reaching for her shoulders. â€œYouâ€™ve never done this before, have you?â€

She shook her head slightly. "No," she sighed, smiling a little. "I've never done this before."

â€œWell you look perfect,â€ Derek smiled.

"You, uh, look nice too," she sighed. "God, why is this awkward? We practically live together. You've seen me with a terrible cold. Why is this so damn awkward?"

Derek shrugged. â€œI donâ€™t know, Mer. Itâ€™s just me.â€

"You said that on our first really fucked up date," she sighed as she started fidgeting. "This is...how do we...what do we now?"

â€œWe leave the dorm and get tonight started,â€ Derek stated and watched as a wierd form of panic filled Meredithâ€™s eyes. â€œScrew it,â€ he sighed, walking over to her and kissing her hard. â€œBetter?â€

"Yeah," she nodded, as she nibbled on his bottom lip.

â€œThought so,â€ Derek laughed. â€œNow, date time. More of that later.â€

"Okay," she sighed. "So, uh, where are we going?"

â€œSurprise,â€ Derek shrugged as they started heading down the stairs.

"I hate surprises," Meredith sighed. "So what did Markie-poo say about using his car?"

â€œHe muttered some things about how stupid it is that weâ€™re going on a date and said he better not miss any good parties because of this,â€ Derek laughed.

Meredith giggled. "He would," she sighed. "So, do we get to hold hands on this date? Because, technically, it's our first."

â€œWe can hold hands,â€ Derek smiled.

"Good," she smiled and linked her hands with his. "So, uh, what else? What do people do on dates? What do they talk about?"

â€œWhatever comes up,â€ Derek answered. â€œSchool, movies, sports, tv, whatever.â€

"Okay," Meredith nodded and stared at Derek as he opened the car door for her. "You're a gentleman, aren't you?"

â€œI am,â€ Derek said. â€œThatâ€™s what happens when you grow up with four sisters.â€

"Right," Meredith sighed and got in the car, wringing her hands again. Why was this so awkward? It was Derek. The love of her life. The man she slept with every night. This shouldn't be weird.

â€œMer, relax,â€ he said, as he got into his said and smiled down at her hands.

"I'm trying," she sighed. "It's just that...this, this is so weird. I mean, we've been dating for almost three weeks. And this is our first date. That's weird, right?"

â€œHave we ever been normal?â€ Derek asked her.

She shrugged. "Not really," she admitted.

â€œDo you want to be normal?â€ Derek asked.

She shrugged again. "I don't know, it would be nice. I mean, we started with sex. And then you said I love you. And I said I love you. And then I practically moved in. And we're finally going on our first real date. It would be nice if we could be normal and do it normally and all that. I guess."

â€œWe can try normal,â€ Derek nodded. â€œBut Iâ€™m not quite sure you can pull it off.â€

"Why can't I pull of normal?" she frowned.

â€œBecause youâ€™re a little on the strange side,â€ Derek shrugged. â€œWhat with the penciling in sex on a day planner...and youâ€™re odd habbit to eat wierd things right from the container. And your feet are always cold.â€

"Okay, a) the pencilling sex on the day planner was for your benefit," she stated. "I mean, you probably used to schedule times to go to the bathroom in your old one. Two) The eating things out of the container thing is totally normal. You're just not normal. And Third) how the hell is it my fault my feet are always cold?"

â€œI did not schedule times to go to the bathroom,â€ Derek rolled his eyes. â€œIt was for school. And appointments with annoying bratty first years I was forced to tutor.â€

"And Dorks of America meetings," she said. "And probably dates. And probably everything else."

â€œAt least I was organized,â€ Derek chuckled as they pulled into a parking lot. â€œNow that Iâ€™m with you Iâ€™m flying by the seat of my pants.â€

"I bought you that day planner," she reminded him. "And what is this place?"

â€œThis is the home of the best burger in the city,â€ Derek smiled.

"Derek, it's a...it's a diner," she said carefully. "With a giant record on top of it."

â€œIt is,â€ Derek nodded. â€œThe waitresses wear gogo skirts.â€

"You're...I...this is cheesy," she sighed.

â€œAnd you love it,â€ Derek finished for her.

"Poodle skirts, Der?" she raised her eyebrows as he opened her door for her. "I mean, seriously."

â€œItâ€™s fun, Mer,â€™ Derek laughed. â€œGive it a try.â€

"Fine," she sighed. "Is this what normal people do with their normal cheesy boyfriends?"

â€œNo, most normal cheesy boyfriend take their girlfriends to fancy restaurants, but this is more...us,â€ Derek smiled.

"True," she nodded, as she took his hand.

â€œAnd we can get big unhealthy milkshakes here,â€ Derek pointed out.

"Oh, strawberry?" Meredith grinned excitedly.

â€œStrawberry,â€ Derek nodded.

"You're a wonderful boyfriend," Meredith grinned as she dragged him into the shiny chrome restaurant. "Der..."

â€œYeah?â€ he asked.

"This is..." she stared as a rather large breasted waitress in a poodle skirt walked by her. "I swear this was on Friends."

â€œReally?â€ Derek asked.

"Yes, really," Meredith sighed. "Monica was a waitress at a fifties themed diner and she had to wear fake boobs and I think she burned her fake boobs. And this...this is so...this is, um, Cristina and Mark would kill us if they saw us in here."

â€œMeredith, you know how many times weâ€™ve done things that theyâ€™d kill us for?â€ Derek laughed.

"Yeah," she sighed and then looked around. "So, uh, do we sit at the bar or in a booth?"

â€œLetâ€™s grab a booth,â€ Derek suggested leading her towards one.

"Okay," she nodded and sat down in the red booth, staring at her surroundings.

â€œI know itâ€™s cheesy,â€ Derek sighed. â€œBut the food is amazing. And itâ€™s original.â€

"True," Meredith nodded. "Very original. And...I'm not saying I don't like it, Der, cause I do. I mean, okay, so it's cheesy. But kinda cool. And it would be really cool if the waitresses were on skates. But it's cool. And fun and original. And not bad. So yeah, I like it. I do."

â€œGood,â€ Derek smiled. â€œI was hoping you would. Other girls I dated, none of them would have been caught dead here.â€

"Well, you date perfect, normal girls," Meredith reminded me. "And apparently I'm...not."

â€œAnd Iâ€™ve never been happier about anything in my life,â€ Derek answered, squeezing her hand.

"How do we...can we...I want normal," she sighed.

â€œWhat exactly do you want to be normal?â€ Derek asked.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I don't even know what normal is."

â€œThan how about we just be us instead?â€ he suggested.

She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. "Okay," she nodded carefully. "By the way...the music, Derek, seriously?"

Derek laughed. â€œWhat did you expect?â€

She giggled. "No idea. So, uh, burgers, fries, and milkshakes. Right?"

â€œThey serve other things, but those are all amazing choices,â€ Derek responded.

"What are you getting?" sbe asked.

â€œBacon cheese burger, fries and a chocolate shake,â€ Derek answered.

"Hmm," Meredith nodded, looking over her menu. "I think I'll have a double cheese burger, fries, and a strawberry shake."

â€œDouble cheese burger?â€ Derek nodded, smiling. â€œIâ€™m impressed.â€

"Derek, I've lived with you for three weeks," she giggled. "I eat almost as much as Mark."

â€œI know, and Iâ€™m impressed everytime,â€ he laughed.

She giggled and then they gave their orders to the big boobed waitress in a black poodle skirt and saddle shoes before Meredith turned back to Derek. "So, Der," she grinned, "tell me about yourself."

â€œWeâ€™ve been living together for three weeks, what donâ€™t you already know about me?â€ Derek asked.

She giggled. "I don't know," she shrugged. "But I remember when I was thirteen I went on a date and we talked about ourselves."

â€œWeâ€™re kind of in a strange situation,â€ Derek shrugged. â€œMost people arenâ€™t madly in love by the first date.â€

She nodded. "True," she smiled as her strawberry milkshake was placed in front of her. "You know what I don't know?"

â€œWhat?â€™ Derek asked.

"Your birthday," she smiled.

â€œFebruary 15th, whenâ€™s yourâ€™s?â€

"May 9th," she said. "And I am totally throwing you a party."

â€œWhat? You donâ€™t have to do that,â€ Derek protested with a smile.

"I'm your girlfriend, aren't I?" Meredith smiled. "I'm so going to throw you a party. Your birthday is in like, three weeks. And the day after Singles' Awareness Day."

â€œSinglesâ€™ Awareness Day?â€ Derek laughed.

"Okay, what the happy Hallmark freaks call Valentine's Day," she sighed.

â€œThis year youâ€™re going to be a happy Hallmark freak,â€ Derek pointed out.

"Oh really?" Meredith raised her eyebrows as she sucked on her straw.

â€œReally,â€ Derek nodded. â€œThere will be gifts and plans.â€

"Oh God," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You're going to get me like, the Kiss Kiss Bears, aren't you?"

Derek looked at her, complete insult written on his face. "Meredith Grey, I am not that cheesy."

"You brought me to a 50s diner, Der," she giggled.

"Fine, I'm cheesy. But I'm original. Kiss Kiss Bears are boring," Derek sighed.

She smiled as the waitress brought their burgers and then took her first bite, letting out a small moan. "Oh, wow," she said around the food in her mouth.

"Told you," Derek smirked.

"So, sweetie," Meredith giggled, "what are we going to do next? Drive in movie? Are you goin to give me your ring and ask me to go steady?"

"Oh you're a funny funny person," Derek shook his head. "I can't believe you're mocking our first date."

"Well, gee golly," Meredith giggled, "it's just so gosh darn fun."

"I hate you," Derek groaned.

"You love me," she reached forward and grabbed a piece of bacon that had fallen off his burger.

"And now you're eating my bacon. You mock a great restaurant, an amazing first date and you're eating my bacon. From now on we stay home," Derek joked.

"I'm having fun, Der," Meredith giggled. "Tell me something random."

"Random?" Derek asked, thinking for a second. "I've never been in love before."

"Never?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Never" Derek shook his head. "I thought I was once in highschool. But looking back on it...nah."

"And now?" she asked, giving him a coy look.

"I'm definitely in love," Derek smiled.

Meredith grinned and grabbed one of his fries. "I've never had a boyfriend," she told him.

"Seriously?" Derek asked. "I'm your first?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah," she said softly. "That's weird, isn't it? I mean...you're totally freaked out now. You think I'm a freak."

"I don't think you're a freak," Derek shook his head. "It's good I'm your first, you have nothing to compare me to."

"But it's weird, isn't it?" she sighed. "I mean, I went on dates...but...I wasn't the boyfriend type. Definitely not. I, uh, was angry. And had pink hair. Up until last August."

"You have pictures of that right?" Derek asked, chuckling. "I need to see pictures."

Meredith giggled. "Maybe. Somewhere."

"We're finding them," Derek nodded. "And it's not wierd. You weren't the boyfriend type, simple as that. And then you met me."

"And you ruined me," Meredith stuck out her tongue. "Something else random. I don't know a lot of things, Derek."

"Ummmm...Mark and I became friends in Grade 3. He hit on the prettiest girl in class, who happened to be dating the biggest bully in class. I talked the guy out of kicking Mark's ass," Derek laughed.

"Seriously?" Meredith giggled. "You were what, eight?"

"Yep," Derek nodded. "I've always been this charming."

"Maybe you should have let the guy kick Mark's ass," she stated. "It might have taught him a lesson."

"Probably," Derek sighed. "Maybe it's my fault he's the way he is."

"How did he become your brother though?" Meredith asked, grabbing another fry off her plate, seemingly ignoring her own.

"His parents, they're around but not really. Even when he was 8 they'd leave him alone for weekends and such. He started spending a lot of time at my house, and my mom...she's like that. She adopts people that are alone," Derek shrugged.

"Bet it drove your dad nuts," Meredith said.

"I sometimes wonder if that's why she did it," Derek laughed.

"What's your family like?" she asked.

"Warm, loving, everything a family is supposed to be," Derek smiled. "My sisters are working towards having tons of kids."

Meredith nodded slowly before taking a sip of her milkshake. "Doyouwantkids?" she mumbled.

"Yes," Derek nodded. "Eventually. You?"

"I, I, I don't know," Meredith stammered. "I, my mom, she wasn't...I don't know."

"That's okay," Derek answered, squeezing her hand. "You have time to figure it out."

She nodded and then grabbed another one of his french fries. "They have amazing fries here."

"They are," Derek nodded. "I imagine the ones on your plate are just as good."

"How did he become your brother though?" Meredith asked, grabbing another fry off her plate, seemingly ignoring her own.

"His parents, they're around but not really. Even when he was 8 they'd leave him alone for weekends and such. He started spending a lot of time at my house, and my mom...she's like that. She adopts people that are alone," Derek shrugged.

"Bet it drove your dad nuts," Meredith said.

"I sometimes wonder if that's why she did it," Derek laughed.

"What's your family like?" she asked.

"Warm, loving, everything a family is supposed to be," Derek smiled. "My sisters are working towards having tons of kids."

Meredith nodded slowly before taking a sip of her milkshake. "Doyouwantkids?" she mumbled.

"Yes," Derek nodded. "Eventually. You?"

"I, I, I don't know," Meredith stammered. "I, my mom, she wasn't...I don't know."

"That's okay," Derek answered, squeezing her hand. "You have time to figure it out."

She nodded and then grabbed another one of his french fries. "They have amazing fries here."

"They are," Derek nodded. "I imagine the ones on your plate are just as good."

She giggled and picked one up off her plate, tossing it at him. "Yours are better."

"I'm pretty sure they're all the same, Mer," Derek laughed.

"Nope," she shook her head. "Yours are better. Definitely better."

"As long as one of us is enjoying them," Derek said.

"Awww, you can have mine," Meredith giggled. "So seriously...what happens next?"

"Well we go home, and..." Derek paused, looking around the restaurant before turning back to Meredith. "Sex," he mouthed siliently.

Meredith gasped. "Derek Shepherd!" she exclaimed. "Do I look like the type of girl to put out on the first date?"

"Mer, you sleep in my bed every night," Derek pointed out.

"This is our first date, Derek," she shook her head. "I'm not that kind of girl. And anyway, I thought kids in the 50s got lucky in the backseat of their cars."

"We can get lucky in the backseat of Mark's car, he would love it," Derek suggested.

"Golly gee, Derek, I'm just not sure I'm ready," Meredith smirked.

"Oh you're ready," Derek smiled. "It's penciled into my day planner."

"It was penciled in three weeks ago," she reminded him. "And I really just don't think I'm ready. Though, we could always make out."

"Seriously? You want to make out?" Derek frowned.

"Seriously," Meredith giggled. "It keeps up with the whole fifties theme you dreamt up."

"I didn't dream up a fifties theme, the owner's of this restaurant did," Derek argued.

"We could make out, Der," she smiled. "And you could give me your class ring and ask me to go steady."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Let's get out of here before you start talking about the virtues of waiting for marriage."

She laughed as he paid the bill and walked her out to the car, his hand nestled in hers. "And maybe if you're really swell," Meredith suddenly whispered, pushing him against the car, her lips against his, "I'll show you my new bra..."

"Oh I don't know, Meredith," Derek smiled against her lips. "Wouldn't want my girl getting a reputation of being fast."

She giggled as she kissed him again. "I had a swell time, Der."

"Good," Derek said. "Me too. Now let's get you home so I can see that new bra."

_Mr. Sandman, bring us a dream  
Give him a pair of eyes with a â€œcome-hitherâ€__ gleam  
Give him a lonely heart like Pagliacci  
And lots of wavy hair like Liberac__e_


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's...well...you know naked thigh? That's how every show would start. With Paddy's naked thigh. So we don't...sorry...Paddy's naked thigh...brain dead.**

Derek sighed as the professor droned on and on about...something. He wasn't sure what. He wasn't sure what they were covering in class today. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to be writing down or listening to. Because all he could think about was Meredith straddling him that morning in bed, dressed only in her bra and panties, gently gliding herself slowly over his clothed erection. This was officially ridiculous. Him and Meredith needed to have sex...now. He had been in a lot less of a relationship with a lot of different women and had had sex with them. Of course they weren't Meredith...and she was...different. But still, this not having sex thing had officially been pushed to the limit. Waking up beside her with a hard on every morning was killing him.

It had seemed like a good idea at first. Showing Meredith he respected her. It had been a really good idea. But he hadn't really expected Meredith buying sexy lingerie, because she hadn't seemed the type at first. He hadn't really expected that Mer would be at the apartment almost every night, unless one of them had a test or a paper. And he hadn't expected the way she tangled herself around him at night.

She was damn irresistible. She always had been but now that she was actually trying to be irresistible, it had gotten bad. He couldn't keep his hands to himself around her, he always had to be touching her, holding her close to feel her body pressed up against his. And there was only so many cold showers a man could take before they stopped working. They had stopped working about a week ago. Not even her blow jobs, her truly amazing blow jobs, could stop the seemingly constant erection he had. He needed to be inside her. He needed to feel her tighten around him. Damn it. He just needed her.

Tonight. He would sit her down and tell her that he loved her, that he wanted them to last forever. But that he really really needed to fuck her. Although he's say make love, because she'd like that more. And it was the truth. He could fuck anyone, he wanted to make love to her. "Mr. Shepherd?" he heard the professor call his name.

"Yes, sir?" he answered, silently cursing himself for not paying attention.

"I dismissed class three minutes ago," the man laughed.

"Oh, sorry, sir," Derek mumbled. "Brain was elsewhere."

"I noticed," the professor nodded. "I'll see you Monday, Mr. Shepherd. Please bring your brain with you."

"I will," Derek nodded, getting up and gathering his books. Monday he would be fine, this problem was being taken care of. Tonight.

He went back to the apartment, knowing Meredith was done with classes for the day. He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled when he saw her at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of muesli with a book open in front of her. He kissed her on the neck and ran his fingers through her hair. "Hey," she turned and looked at him. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not," Derek sighed. "We need to talk."

"That doesn't sound good," she sighed, taking a final bite of her muesli and taking the bowl to the sink.

"It's nothing bad," Derek smiled. "We just need to talk."

"Okay," she nodded, turning back to him, her t-shirt pulling tightly across her breasts.

Derek bit back a groan as he felt his pants tighten ever so slightly. "Our room."

"What about it?" she asked, confused.

"We'll talk in our room," he said.

"Okay," she nodded and started walking towards the bedroom. "Are you sick? Your face is red."

"I'm fine, Mer," Derek replied trying to smile.

"Are you sure," she asked, sitting down on the bed, bringing her boxer clad legs up to her chest, giving Derek a slight peek of her panties.

"Yes," Derek breathed.

"Der?" she frowned, standing back up and putting her hand agaisnt his forehead.

"I'm fine," Derek groaned.

"Okay," she said, crossing her arms across her chest. "What's up then?"

"I'm horny," Derek sighed. "I think we should have sex."

She giggled. "Well finally," she said, reaching up to kiss him, her hands already going towards the hem of his shirt.

Derek pushed her slightly away, leading her back to the bed and forcing her to take a seat. "First we need to talk."

"Derek, you have an erection and you want to talk first?" she raised her eyebrows.

"I've had this erection so long I'm kind of used to it," Derek smiled. "And we need to talk."

"Isn't that a serious health condition?" she reached her fingers over to his pants. "I could help you with that."

"Oh you will," Derek said grabbing her hand. "But talk. The quicker we talk, the quicker we can get to the sex."

"Okay," she sighed. "What do we need to talk about?"

"Us. Sex," Derek responded, dropping to his knees in front of where she sat. "I love you."

"You're, uh, not proposing are you?" Meredith stared at him.

Derek laughed. "No, I'm not proposing. I'm just...Mer, guys have used you a lot in the past, just to get off. And I want to make this clear, that's not what I'm after. I love you. I want to have sex with you because I love you, not because I'm horny. I love you so much that sometimes it scares me."

"Derek," she sighed, "this is a little dorky."

"Well I'm Derek the Dork, what do you expect?" Derek smiled. "And let me finish. Mer, I know I'm your first boyfriend and I fully plan on being your last. And this...what we're about to do, it means everything to me. You mean everything to me."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, kissing him.

"I'm pouring my heart out and you're too busy thinking about my penis to listen," Derek laughed.

"I'm sorry," she giggled, pulling away. "You know I love you too, Der. And this whole waiting thing has been stupid. And now we're done waiting. And I know you're not using me. I've slept naked with you twice."

"I'm glad you slept well those nights," Derek groaned. "You sure you want to do this?"

"Yes, Derek," she sighed, already reaching for the hem of his shirt again.

"If you want to stop just say so. I'll understand," Derek told her.

"Derek, I lost my virginity when I was sixteen years old," she reminded him, pulling his t-shirt over his head.

"But he wasn't me," Derek reminded her. "This is different."

"Yes it is," she nodded. "But I'm sure."

"Okay," Derek nodded, leaning forward and kissing her hard, moving his hands to pull off her shirt.  
â€˜  
She was braless and he immediately took a nipple into his mouth, sucking slightly as she worked on taking off his pants, her hands shaking as she threw her head back and moan, "Der."

His hands traveled to her pants, his fingers shaking as he worked the button. "You still sure?" Derek breathed, briefly pulling his mouth away from her skin.

"Yes," she moaned, pushing his pants down as she moved her hands back up to the waistband of his shorts, capturing his lips with hers.

He moaned softly as she allowed her fingers to play lightly across his erection, the light brushes causing his head to swim as she teased a nipple with his tongue. He lowered her onto the bed and grabbed a condom from the bedside table, handing it to her as her nimble fingers rolled it onto his erection, her eyes shining and her fingers shaking. He positioned himself above her and then stopped.

"You're sure?" he asked again, his voice coming out shaky amongst his harsh breaths.

"Yes," she moaned loudly, raising her hips so that her wetness barely grazed across his penis.

"Mer, just..." Derek groaned. "You sure you're okay?"

"No, Derek, I'm not!" she screamed.

"You're not?" Derek asked, pulling back slightly.

"No, because I want your penis in me right now," she ordered. "That will make me a hell of a lot better."

"Oh," Derek laughed, pressing his lips against hers and slipping into her. "Mer..." he immediately groaned.

"Derek," she moaned back, tightening around him, the sensation nearly causing him to come right then and there.

"Mer...Meredith..." he sighed, collapsing on top of her.

"Der," she groaned, "please. Please. God."

"Mer..." Derek breathed, rocking slowly against her. "God, Mer..."

Her breathing came in quick and hurried gasps as she wrapped her legs around his waist, bringing him deeper into her with every slow and gentle thrust. She seemed to push him deeper with each cry, with each moan. "Oh god..."

"Mer...Mer...Mer..." he breathed her name over and over again, a little louder with each thrust as his body began to tighten.

"Der, fast...god..." her fingers went to his back as she gripped tightly, her own body ready to give into the mounting waves of pleaure.

He moved faster, trying to remember to breath as her body trembled underneath him. "Fuck..." he moaned, pulling her up closer to him as he began feeling his orgasm start.

Her sweaty body accepted him eagerly as she moaned loudly, her body shaking violently as she held onto his shoulders tightly, her mouth struggling to find his in her orgasm-induced haze. "Derek," she whimpered. "Der...'

"Meredith..." he breathed, his voice shaking badly, as he trembled releasing himself into her. "Meredith..." He collapsed on top of her, their lips meeting in a hurried fashion as they both tried to breath, tried to take each other's oxygen for their pounding heads, for their burning lungs. He held onto her tightly as she felt himself coming down from the intense orgasm. He couldn't move from here. He couldn't move at all. "I love you," he whispered when his breathing had returned enough to normal that he could manage talking. "I love you...I love you...I love you..."

"I love you too," she breathed, pushing his sweaty curls off his forehead. "God I love you."

"That was...amazing," he breathed.

"Definitely...definitely worth the wait," she panted.

"Definitely," Derek murmured, rolling off of her but still holding her close. "This is it," he smiled, pushing some hair out of her face.

"What is?" she murmured as she buried her face in his sweaty shoulder, pressing small kisses to it.

"You, us," Derek sighed. "This is it for me."

She looked up at him, and for a moment, he thought he saw panic but then a small smile spread across her face and she nodded. "Me too," she whispered.

"Good," he kissed her gently. "Want to go shower before Mark gets home?"

"Hmmm," she murmured, her eyes starting to close with exhaustion. "Don't want to move."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "Neither do I."

She nodded and yawned, still clutching him around the waist. "Love you," she whispered tiredly.

"Love you too," he whispered, his eyes beginning to close.

_I fall asleep inside of you  
There are no words  
There's only truth_


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: Okay

**Disclaimer: Okay...going to be honest with you guys...if we owned the show Meredith and Derek wouldn't be together. Derek would be constantly trying to choose between two younger ladies...named Alicia and Katie.**

Derek woke to feel a tiny body on top of him and he opened his eyes to a familiar blonde head grinning at him. "What do you want?" Derek laughed.

"You," she giggled as she kissed him, hard, her hair falling forward. She smelled like sex. Sex and lavender.

"Hmmm..."Derek groaned. "Have I not tired you out yet?"

"Definitely not, old man," she giggled again as she began kissing his chest.

"Mer..." Derek breathed. "We can't."

"Why not?" she asked innocently, edging her naked body down his with every kiss and lick.

"I have to call my mom," Derek sighed.

"Seriously?" Meredith's head stopped it's downward movement as she stared at him.

"Seriously," Derek nodded. "It's my weekly call...if I don't call in the next 10 minutes, she'll call."

"So we have ten minutes," she giggled, her head ducking back down.

"Mer, I really have to call her," Derek smiled, pulling her up. "I want to call her."

"Oh, God," she groaned, falling onto a pillow. "I'm dating a mama's boy!"

"I am not a mama's boy," Derek groaned. "I want to gush about this amazing girl I'm in love with."

"Oh reallly?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Does this amazing girl know about us?"

"Nah, don't need her getting jealous," Derek shrugged.

"Seriously, Der," Meredith sighed, "just ten minutes. Please, please, please?"

"I promise the second I'm off the phone I'll let you have your way with me," Derek offered.

She sighed as she rolled off the bed, grabbing his button down shirt and putting it on her naked body. "Well, I guess I do have some homework to finish," she said.

"Seriously? How much are you going to get done in ten minutes?" Derek laughed.

"Derek, you're about to tell your mom you're in love," she grinned, "if what Mark says about her is true, you'll be on the phone for hours."

"True," Derek sighed, pulling her close to him and kissing her. "She's going to want to meet you."

"Oh," Meredith sighed, and then chewed at her bottom lip. "Um...uh...Der..."

"Mer, relax. I'm not putting you through that," Derek said, smoothing his fingers through her hair. "Not yet at least."

"Okay," she sighed as she rested her head against his naked chest. "You sure you don't want to spend the next five minutes having a quickie?"

"How the hell am I supposed to say no to you?" Derek groaned.

"You can't," she murmured, kissing him deeply, just as his phone started ringing from somewhere in the room. "She's early..."

"Figures," Derek rolled his eyes. "I'll make it as fast as I can."

"It's fine," Meredith shrugged. "I should finish up this chapter anyway." She squeezed his ass as she walked out of the room.

Derek smiled as he picked up the phone. "Hey Mom!"

"Hi honey," Mrs. Shepherd replied. "I was getting worried."

"Sorry, was caught up with Meredith," Derek said.

"That's what I thought," Mrs. Shepherd laughed. "Markie was telling me yesterday during his call that this Meredith is practically living there."

"She's around a lot," Derek shrugged.

"Are the two of you actually in a relationship?" Mrs. Shepherd asked, obviously trying not to sound excited.

"Yes, Mom, we are," Derek nodded.

"That's wonderful!" Mrs. Shepherd squealed. "Derek, tell me about her? What is she like? What is her major? Are you happy? When do I get to meet her?"

Derek sighed, sitting down on their bed. "She's amazing, Mom. She's just...she's perfect for me. And you'll meet her eventually, we're not ready for that yet. But you will in the future."

"Derek, I want to meet my future daughter-in-law," Mrs. Shepherd insisted. "Why don't I drive down this weekend? We can have a Sunday brunch. And it's been forever since I was at the apartment. God knows it needs a good cleaning."

"Mer's keeping it clean," Derek laughed. "And she's...she doesn't really do the mom thing. Her and her mom, it wasn't easy on her. I want to give her time."

"Derek," she sighed, "I don't bite."

"I know you don't. But Mer and I...this is new, Mom. It's different. For both of us. We need time to adjust," Derek explained.

"Mark says she's practically moved in," Mrs. Shephered reminded him. "I think the two of you are very well-adjusted, Derek."

"We're adjusted to each other. Actually we didn't need to adjust to each other, we just fit. It's the rest of the relationship stuff we have to adjust to," Derek tried to tell her.

"Fine, fine," he could just see his mom waving her hands over the phone. "But I do want to meet her, Derek. And soon. Why don't you bring her here for your birthday?"

"She's throwing me a party," Derek answered.

"You're not coming for your birthday?" Mrs. Shepherd asked. "Derek, every year you come for your birthday."

"I know," Derek sighed. "But Mer wants to throw me a party. And it's the day after Valentine's Day, I want to spend it with her."

"At least I raised a gentleman," she sighed. "All right, spring break then. You're bringing her to the Hamptons for spring break."

"I'll try for it," Derek nodded. "But I'm not making promises."

"As long as you're happy," Mrs. Shepherd sighed. "Now, we have other important things to discuss. Medical schools. And I want to know more about Meredith, of course."

"Mom, I'm happy. I didn't even realize I was unhappy until I et her. But...with her. She's it Mom. What else could you possibly need to know?" Derek smiled, hearing a curse come from the other room.

"Well, then I guess I need to know when my son is going to propose," he could hear the smile in her voice but he was more concerned about the curse coming from the living room.

"Not anytime soon, Mom," Derek groaned. "She's only in first year."

"Mark says she wants to be a neurosurgeon," she said. "And that she's royally inbred. What exactly does that mean?"

"It means her mom's a surgeon, a really good surgeon," Derek explained.

"Do we know her mother?"

"Dad did, Ellis Grey," he answered.

"Oh," his mother sighed.

"Did you know her?" Derek asked, sticking his head out the door to find Meredith throwing things around in his drawer.

"I met her once or twice," Mrs. Shepherd sighed. "She's...well...she wasn't exactly a friendly woman. Though she did find your father to be a fascinating man."

"Of course she did," Derek groaned. "And I think that should explain why I'm not quite ready to take her to meet you."

"She's not like her, is she, Derek?" Mrs. Shepherd asked.

"No, no not at all," Derek answered quickly.

"Good," Mrs. Shepherd sighed. "Because, Derek, that woman was cold. I didn't even realize she had a child."

Derek sighed. "There was a lot of problems there. But the last thing Meredith is is cold."

He watched as Meredith started throwing things on the floor, trying his hardest to pay attention to his mother. "Derek, dear, are you listening?"

"Yeah, sorry, Mer's flipping out about something," Derek responded.

"Derek, I think we need to talk about medical school," she insisted. "Why don't you go in a different room for a minute so you won't be distracted?"

Derek smiled apologetically at Meredith and went back into their bedroom. "What about med school?"

"Have you made a decision?" Mrs. Shepherd asked.

"Yeah I have," Derek said, smiling.

"Well?" she asked, excitement tinging her voice. Derek opened his mouth to answer but stopped when he heard a crash come from the living room.

"Mom, something's going on with Mer, can we finish this later?" he asked.

"Honey, this is important."

"So is Mer."

Meredith, at that moment, was trying her absolute hardest to clean up the mess she had made when the drawer had fallen out of the desk. All she needed was a pen. That was it. And yet every pen in the apartment seemed to be completely out of ink, probably because Mark left the caps off them all. She could hear Derek trying to finish up his conversation and she quickened her movements.

Stupid pens, Derek and Mark were awful to live with. She loved them, she did but finding anything she needed in this place was next to impossible. There was just as many condom in the drawer as pans. There was even a couple of forks and spoons. None of it made sense.

She grimaced as her fingers grazed an empty condom wrapper and tried to make sense of what was in the drawer. Derek was supposed to be a dork, why was it so damn unorganized? She would have to talk him into organizing it once she actually got around to fixing the damn thing, because it wouldn't slip back into the desk. She reached back, trying to feel if anything was blocking it.

Her hand feel upon a pile of papers that she definitely hadn't noticed before. She grabbed them out, hoping to slide the drawer closed. She didn't mean to look at the papers, she didn't mean to pry. But they caught her eyes.

Mount Sinai Medical Center. Mount Sinai School of Medicine. She breathed and fell back on her heels as she stared at the letters, reading them, her heart racing. "Dear, Mr. Shepherd, it is an honor to accept a young man such as yourself into our program. We hope to see you in the fall 2007 semester..."

_I thought that I was doing better, but I just want to cry now..._


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy we'd have our own places, and nice cars, and a lot of clothes and even more shoes

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy we'd have our own places, and nice cars, and a lot of clothes and even more shoes. And we go to cool award shows and be living the high life. Yeah...we definitely don't own it.**

"Mer?" Derek frowned as he walked into the living room, his cell phone in his hand. Meredith was crouched on the floor, surrounded by the mess that was his desk drawer. "Mer, you okay?"

"I'm fine," Meredith mumbled, looking down at the mess. "I'm great, why wouldn't I be fine?"

"You were kind of freaking out," he grinned. "What happened?"

"Nothing, nothing happened. I need a pen, that's all," Meredith sighed.

"Oh," he laughed, walking over to the desk and pulling a pen out of the jar behind the computer. "Mark uses the drawer. Always find my pen jar."

"Oh, okay," Meredith mumbled. "Guess it explains the condoms and the empty condom wrappers."

He laughed again. "Probably," he rolled his eyes. "Find anything else interesting?"

"What?" Meredith said quickly. "No...nothing interesting. What would be in that drawer? Nothing interesting in the drawer."

"Mer?" he frowned. "You okay?" He leaned down next to her.

"I'm fine," Meredith smiled brightly. "How's your mom?"

He looked at her carefully for a second and then shrugged. "She's good. Excited about you."

"She doesn't want to meet me, does she?" she asked.

"Yeah," Derek laughed, helping her to put the remainder of the mess back in the drawer. "But I think I've talked her out of it for a while."

"Okay," Meredith nodded slowly. "That's good...that's good."

"And you know," Derek murmured, kissing her neck, "Mark's in class until four."

Meredith sighed and pulled away from him. "I'm not in the mood, right now. Later?"

"You sure you're okay, Mer?" he whispered, rubbing her back.

"I'm fine," Meredith replied leaning against him. "I love you."

"Love you too," he grinned. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure," Meredith smiled.

"Your choice," he said as he picked her up and flung her over his shoulder, carrying her to the couch.

Meredith giggled struggling softly as he brought her to the couch. "Why am I getting spoiled?"

"What do you mean why?" Derek frowned as he laid her down, kissing her. "Because you're my girlfriend and I love you."

"You do?" Meredith asked, her hands tangling in his curls.

"Of course I do," he laughed, lightly kissing her nose.

"And you still want to be with me forever?" Meredith sighed.

"Of course," Derek pulled back, looking at her strangely. "Why?"

"I was just wondering," Meredith shrugged.

He tucked a strand of hair behind her hair, smiling at her. "Mer, I am your knight in shining whatever," he told her softly but firmly. "I'm never leaving.'

"Okay," Meredith nodded, turning to their movie collection. "Can't Buy Me Love."

He groaned. "Again?"

"Are you going to deny me my love of all things Patrick?" Meredith pouted.

"Mer, it's just...you cry during this movie," he sighed. "And then you spend the next two hours after it talking about poor Donald Miller even though he gets the girl in the end."

"Ronald," Meredith rolled her eyes and pouted. "And you did say my choice."

"Fine," Derek sighed, getting up and putting the movie on. "But I swear to god, if Mark walks in, we're telling him you drugged me."

"You and Mark worry me," Meredith sighed. "You spend so much time trying to impress him."

"Not impress," Derek shook his head. "Not get my ass kicked. There's a difference, Mer."

"Mark wouldn't kick your ass, he loves me too much," Meredith giggled.

"Now see," Derek nodded, "you and Mark worry me. The Mary and the Markie-poo. And the McSteamy."

"I like McDreamy much more," Meredith laughed, cuddling deeper into his arms. "You know I want nothing to do with him or his pickle. He's my brother."

"Good," Derek nodded and pressed play on the movie. "Now I just have to get Patrick Dempsey out of the way and I'll have you all to myself."

"Oh no," Meredith shook her head. "Paddy stays."

"Hey all," Mark walked in, throwing his leather coat on the desk and heading towards the kitchen for a beer. "What are we watching?"

"Can't Buy me Love!" Meredith exclaimed.

"What?" Mark frowned, pushing Derek's legs to the side as he fell down on the couch. "Who is this freak on the lawn mower?"

"Patrick Dempsey," Derek groaned.

"Dude, is that that guy on that show?" Mark asked.

"Yep," Meredith smiled proudly, as if she was the reason Patrick Dempsey was on that show.

"He was on Oprah," Mark nodded. "Awesome episode. That one chick? Ellen? Dude, she's hot."

"Doesn't Derek look like him?" Meredith asked Mark.

Mark stared at his friend for a minute and then turned to the movie. "He looks like this freak."

"I do not," Derek argued.

"You do too," Meredith teased, wrapping her arms around his stomach. "Doesn't he, Mark?"

"He definitely looks like him," Mark grinned. "Not that that's a bad thing."

"See?" Meredith smiled, kissing her boyfriend on the cheek. "It's not a bad thing."

"How is it not a bad thing?" Derek questioned.

"Because he's hot," Meredith giggled.

"Women all over the world want to be with him, man," Mark nodded.

"With the guy on that show," Derek rolled his eyes. "Not Donald."

"Ronald," Meredith groaned. "And I want to be with him."

"You want to be with a guy on a riding lawn mower?" Derek stared at her. "Meredith, he makes me look cool."

"He's Ronnie, everyone wants to ride the Ronald Miller express," Meredith giggled.

"Will you two shut up," Mark snapped. "I'm trying to watch the damn movie."

"It's a chick flick from that 80s, why do you want to watch it?" Derek asked.

"Shut up, Shep," Mark growled.

"I kind of always thought you were gay," Derek sighed.

"What?" Mark turned and stared at him. "Dude, I lost my virginity at thirteen. You were almost seventeen. If either of us are gay, it's you."

"I'm the one with the hot girl holding onto me," Derek laughed, pulling Meredith closer.

"I made Lindsay have such a loud orgasm last night, her neighbors called to ask if she was okay," Mark argued.

"You've heard her," Derek gestured to Meredith.

"Shut up," Meredith giggled, hitting Derek on the arm. "Markie-poo and I are trying to watch the movie."

"A crappy movie," Derek groaned. "That we've watched a billion times."

"You know, I'll cuddle with Markie poo and we can watch the movie while you go sit in your room and consider your future with no sex," Meredith snapped a little.

"Shutting up," Derek sighed.

Meredith nodded firmly and settled to watch the movie, a smile permenantly on her face. Nobody said anything for a while until Mark's outburst, "Dude, this guy is my hero!"

"What?" Derek asked, his mouth wide open with shock.

"Check him out!" Mark laughed. "The girls are all over him. And that dance. Dude, he dances like you."

"I don't dance like that," Derek groaned.

"He does," Mark nodded, winking at Meredith.

"I can believe it," Meredith giggled.

"He's a genius," Mark shook his head slowly. "How's he doing it?"

"He's Ronnie," Meredith shrugged. "There's just something about him...you can't help but love him."

"We should be taking notes, Shep," Mark frowned.

"I don't need to take notes," Derek smiled. "That comes naturally to me."

Mark laughed. "Seventeen years to see some tit! Shep, this guy is you."

"He is not, I saw tit before I was seventeen," Derek argued.

"Fine, sixteen," Mark rolled his eyes and grinned at Meredith. "Your boyfriend was a late bloomer, Mary."

"But he learned so quickly," Meredith laughed, patting Derek's cheek.

"I hate both of you," Derek groaned. "And Ronnie Miller."

"You don't hate Ronnie," Meredith shook her head.

"Yeah, he's a pain in the ass," Derek sighed.

"Just because he's cooler than you, doesn't mean you have to be so mean, Shep," Mark laughed.

"Cooler than me?" Derek rolled his eyes.

"Not that that's hard," Mark pointed out.

"He had to pay a hot girl to go out with him," Derek pointed out. "I didn't have to pay my hot girl."

"Would you have offered to pay me?" Meredith asked.

"What?" Derek stared at her. "No. That would make you, Mer, that would make you a whore. And anyway, I didn't have to pay you. You love me."

"Well yeah...but I could use some money," Meredith giggled.

"Guys," Mark snapped. "Movie."

"Our best friend's gay," Derek whispered in Meredith's ear, lightly nipping it with his teeth.

"Der," she sighed, pulling away.

He pulled her back again, moving to whisper in her ear. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," she stressed, her eyes glued to the screen.

"Okay, you're fine," Derek sighed. "When you decide to stop being fine you can talk to me."

"I will," she nodded.

"Good," Derek nodded.

"If you guys don't shut up, I'm kicking Shep's ass," Mark growled.

"Shutting up," they answered together.

They were all silent again, until Ronnie was in his shed crying. Meredith let the tears fall freely while Mark frowned. "That's bullshit," he muttered gruffly.

"Why is it bullshit?" Derek groaned.

"Dude just wanted a date," Mark shook his head. "Dude wanted friends. It's bullshit."

Meredith wiped a tear from her cheek, nodding slowly. "They treated him like crap."

"He's still Ronnie," Mark shook his head. "Come on, look at them. They won't even say hi. Assholes.'

"He was just trying to fit in. They don't get it," Meredith complained.

"Chick he's in love with is a cock teasing bitch," Mark growled.

"No she's not," Meredith sniffled. "It's...she didn't know what she wanted."

"Well she should figure it out!" Mark exclaimed. "Now Ronnie's sad and she's still a bitch without her college boyfriend."

"Patrick is so good at angst," Meredith sighed.

"You two do realize these are fictional characters?" Derek groaned.

"I told you, you can go to your room," Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Markie-poo would be happy to cuddle with me."

"You could get a ride on the Mark Sloan express, Mary," he winked at her.

"That's better than the pickle offer at least," Meredith shrugged.

"The Mark Sloan pickle is the number one most requested item on the Mark Sloan express," Mark nodded knowingly.

Meredith grimaced and grabbed Derek's arm. "Der, never mind, you can't leave me alone with this man."

"Wasn't planning on it," Derek smiled at her, squeezing her to him.

"Good," Meredith nodded, kissing his cheek quickly

The movie was soon over and Mark stretched on the couch. "Kick ass movie, Mary," he nodded approvingly.

"Thank you, Mark," Meredith nodded, smiling smugly at Derek.

"But now I've gotta leave you two crazy kids alone," he got off the couch. "Got a date with, shit, Sherry? Shelly? Sara?"

"Just call her whatever you want," Derek shrugged. "It's not like you know Meredith's name."

"Yeah, I do," Mark nodded. "Mary."

"Meredith," Derek groaned.

"That's what I said," Mark shrugged. "Mary, what would Ronnie Miller do to get SherryShellySara in bed?"

"He never really did anything," Meredith shrugged. "The Patrick Dempsey charm was enough. Although a name might help."

"Whatever," he shrugged, grabbing his leather jacket. "See you two crazy kids later. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Is there anything you wouldn't do?" Derek asked.

Mark shrugged. "Not yet, but I'm still young," he winked. "See ya, Mary."

"Bye Markie-poo!" Meredith smiled.

"Hmm, we're finally alone," Derek grinned as Mark closed the door. He leaned forward, kissing her gently. It was the tradition. They watched a Patrick Dempsey movie, and then had sex.

"Derek...no..." she breathed, pushing him away gently.

"Mer," he sighed, looking her in the eyes. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," Meredith shook her head quickly. "I'm just not in the mood."

"Tired?" he winked at her.

"Yeah," she whispered softly.

"How about I make dinner and then we make an early night of it?" he asked, stroking her jaw with his thumb.

"That sounds nice," Meredith nodded.

"So what are we having?" he asked, kissing her forehead as he got up. "Pasta?"

Meredith pouted. "Pasta again?"

"You like my pasta," he grinned.

"I don't want your pasta," Meredith groaned.

"Okay," Derek said slowly. "What do you want then?"

"I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "Chicken?"

"I didn't take any out of the freezer," Derek said apologetically.

"Well I don't want pasta," Meredith sighed.

"Well, if you can't come up with anything better, than that's what we're eating," Derek sighed.

"Why should I come up with something else? It's not like I'm allowed to cook," Meredith pouted.

"Do you want to cook?" Derek stared at her.

"I can't cook," Meredith said.

"Well, then, chef's choice, and the chef chooses pasta."

"There's nothing else you can make?" Meredith whined.

Derek sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Salmon?"

"It's better than pasta," Meredith shrugged.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Would you rather we order in?"

"No, you can cook," Meredith sighed.

"Well, I want pasta," Derek sighed. "But you don't. And the salmon would have to be marinated and thawed. So why don't we just do pasta tonight and I'll make you chicken another time?"

"Promise?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Derek grinned.

"Fine," Meredith smiled, walking over and wrapping her arms around him. "I'm not going to like it though."

"You know what tastes the best with pasta," he grinned, turning and bringing her close to him.

"What?" Meredith smiled.

"Your naked body," he murmured, kissing her deeply.

"Derek...tired..." Meredith groaned.

"Fine, fine," he sighed, turning to boil the water.

"Derek, please don't be like that," Meredith sighed.

"What?" Derek shrugged. "I'm worried about my girlfriend. One minute, she's trying to have a quickie with me before my mom calls, the next she's not in the mood."

"I'm tired...and...I'm just tired," Meredith answered.

"Meredith, it's seven thirty," he sighed. "We weren't up that late last night."

"I didn't sleep well," Meredith pouted.

Derek sighed as he turned back to her, looping his arms around her waist. "Why don't you go lie down then and I'll bring the pasta in there when it's ready?"

"Thanks," she nodded.

"Love you," he whispered, kissing her.

"Love you too," she smiled slightly.

He watched as she turned and went towards the bedroom, still in his button down, and then set about making the pasta. It didn't take long before it was done and he served it onto two separate plates, carrying it back to the room where Meredith was on her side, not asleep, just staring at the wall. "Pasta a la Derek," he grinned, handing her the plate.

"Thanks," Meredith whispered.

"No problem," he shrugged, sitting against the headboard and taking a bite of his pasta.

"It's good," she said quietly.

"Of course it is," he grinned smugly. "I'll make you chicken tomorrow."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled.

"So are you ready to be not fine yet?" he sighed. "Because I'm this close to buying this Meredith tequila."

"I told you, I'm fine," Meredith sighed.

"Mer," he sighed, "if it's about my mom, you don't have to meet her yet."

"I'm fine, Der," Meredith urged.

"Really fine or Meredith fine?" he challenged.

"What's the difference?" Meredith asked.

"When you're Meredith fine you're not really fine but you say you are," he said wisely.

"You know me too well," Meredith groaned.

"It's my job," he grinned. "So really fine or Meredith fine?"

"Meredith fine," Meredith groaned. "But we're not talking about it."

"Was it something I did?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

Meredith shook her head quickly. "It's just...I umm...need time to process and think. Lots of thinking. Before I talk to you."

He sighed, squeezing her hand. "Okay," he nodded. "Just, I'm here for you, Mer."

"I know," Meredith nodded. And then mumbled something under her breath that sounded a lot like "For now.â€

"Mer," he urged quietly. "Don't mumble, please. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," Meredith sighed, putting her now empty plate on the bedside table.

"Maybe after a good night's sleep," Derek suggested, putting his own plate aside.

"Maybe," Meredith nodded.

He kissed her softly, their lips barely touching as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Night, Mer."

"Night, Der," Meredith sighed. "I love you."

"Love you too," he murmured, taking her close into his arms.

Meredith sighed contently as his warmth wrapped around her but she didn't bother closing her eyes. Sleep wouldn't come easily, she had far too much on her mind. Her Derek, who would always be there, who wanted to be her last boyfriend, was leaving. And he hadn't even told her.

She frowned as he pulled away from her, turning onto his side, dragging the blanket with him. She rolled her eyes and grabbed it back, covering herself up from the cold night. Why hadn't he told her? He said things. He said things about forever and last boyfriends and meeting his mom. And now he was leaving. Completely and totally leaving. Ass.

New York wasn't even that far away, it was close-ish. Close-ish enough that they could make it work if they wanted to try. The distance wasn't impossible. It wasn't the distance that annoyed her. It was him not saying anything. He didn't tell her, he was all about talking and he hadn't told her. She groaned as he rolled over again, yet again taking the blankets with him.

"Damn it," she muttered, pulling them back violently.

"Mer...what's going on?" Derek mumbled waking up slightly.

"It's fucking freezing," she replied.

"Why we have blankets," he sighed, his voice heavy with sleep.

"Excellent idea," she groaned. "Too bad you keep fucking stealing them."

"Sorry...cold..." Derek said

"Well, I'm cold too," she said, yanking the blankets off of him.

Derek rolled over to look at her, waking up a little more. "Mer, sleeping me, can't help what I do."

"Well, I can't sleep if I'm fucking cold, Derek," she sighed, pulling the blanket close around her.

"Neither can I," Derek moaned, yanking on the blankets himself.

"Don't you dare," she growled as she pulled them back towards her.

"This is my bed too," Derek complained, yanking them back.

"Fine," Meredith groaned. "I'll go back to my dorm."

"You're not going back to your dorm," Derek shook his head.

"Then give me the blankets."

"You have blankets," Derek sighed.

"No, I don't," she sighed. "You have them. And the second I get some, you take them back."

"I was sleeping Mer! I can't control what I do when I'm sleeping!" he groaned

"You'll have to learn if you want me to stay here tonight," she snapped.

"How am I supposed to learn that?" Derek shouted.

"How the fuck am I supposed to know!" she yelled. "I don't fucking steal the blankets from you!"

"I'm sorry I steal the fucking blankets," Derek said, venom in his voice. "Maybe I should go sleep on the couch."

"Go the fuck ahead, asshole," she hissed. "And don't you dare take the fucking blankets."

"I won't," Derek growled getting out of bed and heading out the door towards the living room. He could use the blanket in there, he might not be as warm as he was in bed but it beat fighting with Meredith all night.

Meredith frowned as she threw her head back against the pillow, wrapping herself tightly in the blanket. She was already missing his body heat, and she couldn't imagine not having him in her bed for days or weeks at a time. She frowned at that thought and then remembered why she was mad at him. He was an ass. A complete ass. A lying, secret keeping ass.

Who she apparently really needed in bed with her, because now all she could to was toss and turn in the monstrously large bed, hating the feel of the empty spot beside her. Mainly because it made her think of September, when that spot would become permanent as Derek and his lying, secret keeping ass would be in New York. And she apparently wasn't ever going to be told.

He was apparently just going to get up and leave and then call her from New York to tell her. Or maybe not tell her at all. Maybe he was just having fun with the hot freshman girl until he got around to moving to New York. Her frown deepened at the thought as she curled up, wishing Derek hadn't taken his pillow.

Sleeping without him beside her didn't feel right at all. He was supposed to be there, curled up around her and holding her tight. She usually didn't even notice if his room was cold because she was so tangled up in his arms. But tonight she hadn't been, thanks to fucking ass, and now she was damn lonely without him.

She sighed as she stood up, grabbing her pillow and the large blanket, and walked into the living room where Derek was shivering under the light blanket. She walked up and pushed him further onto the couch. "Meredith?" he whispered.

"I haven't forgiven you," she sighed.

"Okay," he nodded slowly, confusion tingeing his voice.

"I'm still pissed," Meredith groaned, slipping in beside him. "I just can't sleep without you."

She could tell he was smiling even in the dark and he draped the blanket over both of them, taking her into his arms. "I can't sleep without you either," he whispered in her ear.

_"They donâ€™t lie with you in bed and join you when you're dreaming, they don't see the softer side, who will be there to turn the light on, who will be there to try to wash away the stain that love has left us?"_


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: We have a lot in common with Shondaâ€¦a lot

**Disclaimer: We have a lot in common with Shondaâ€¦a lot. Like we love Patrick. And Jeff Dean Morgan. And we love playing around with these characters. And well thereâ€™s more. But sadly, one thing we donâ€™t have in common with her is owning the show.**

Derek groaned slightly as he leaned over to lather the shaving cream on his face. His back was killing him, sleeping on the couch would do that to you. Especially two people sleeping on the couch, not that he was complaining about having Meredith curled up next to him. He was good with that. Something was wrong with her, bugging her and he had no idea what it was.

She had spent half the night making snarky remarks, and the other half moving around a lot. Always in his arms, but still, moving, a lot. He knew better than to ask her again what was bothering her, but she was acting so damn weird. This wasn't Meredith. She was being passive agressive and Meredith wasn't passive agressive. Meredith yelled and screamed.

But this time she wasn't. She wasn't talking at all. He knew her, she didn't talk, she avoided problems and pretended they weren't actually problems. But not with him, they talked, they yelled, they did everything. Her shutting up around him wasn't like her. He could always get her to talk, he was her Derek. It was how they worked. This wasn't how they worked.

She walked into the bathroom, wearing jeans and her bra, which usually bothered him since Mark was around, but he couldn't help but be aroused by her. He stared at her, the way her hips moved, the way the jeans sat low on her hips. She got out her mirror and tweezers and sat on the toilet, going silently and a little agressively to her task. "What are you staring at?" she snapped.

"You look hot," Derek shrugged.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "All you think about is sex," she grumbled.

"No it's not," Derek sighed. "There's a lot on my mind right now, you just don't want to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," she insisted.

"Sure," Derek sighed.

She stood up, pushing him out of the way a little bit to look closely in the bathroom mirror. "Ass," she mumbled.

"What is your problem?" Derek groaned.

"Nothing," she frowned. "I'm trying to tweeze my eyebrows. And my back is killing me. But nothing is my problem. What the hell is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," Derek sighed. "Well minus the fact you're bitchy and hogging all my space."

"I need space too!" she yelled, turning to stare at him. "You think it's easy to look 'hot' as you put it?"

"No," Derek shook his head. "Sorry, Mer. I'm just...I didn't sleep well last night. I don't want to fight with you."

"I didn't sleep well last night either," she sighed. "Maybe I should just go to my dorm tonight."

"What? Why?" Derek asked, wincing as he nicked himself lightly.

"Because you steal blankets," Meredith sighed. "And because we slept on the couch. And because neither of us could sleep."

"I won't steal blankets," Derek offered.

"Last night you were saying you couldn't help it," Meredith argued. "And maybe we both need space." And then she muttered something that sound like "used to it."

Derek stopped shaving and turned to look at Meredith, his face contorted by confusion. "Space? You want space?"

"Yes," she nodded and then shook her head. "No. I don't know."

"Mer, what's going on?" Derek sighed. "We basically live together, and now you want space?â€

"Nothing's going on," she sighed.

"Something is going on," Derek responded.

"What's going on is that I have to finish getting ready, I have class in twenty minutes," she said after a minute.

"Fine, whatever," Derek groaned, feeling more than a little frustrated with her.

She brushed her teeth quickly and kissed him lightly on a lather-less part of his face. "I'll see you later," she sighed.

"You're coming back?" Derek asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Do you want me to come back?"

"Of course I want you to," Derek smiled slightly.

She sighed. "Maybe. Are we still on for coffee at two?"

"We are," Derek nodded studying her. "I love you, Mer. I don't know what's going on with you, but I love you."

She nodded as she pulled on her sweater. "See you at two," she said as she turned and left the wash room.

Derek sighed. Something was definitely going on with Meredith. She was...not her. She wasn't giggling and throwing herself at him. She wasn't being her. And he had no idea how to fix a problem when he didn't know what the problem was.

He went to his own classes, trying to figure out what he had done. Trying to go over the past twenty-four hours and figure out what he had done wrong. Because he had obviously done something wrong. They had woken up, Meredith had tried to have sex with him, his mom called, she freaked out at the drawer. And that was when this had all started. So it had something to do with his mom.

But he had no idea what. His mom was pushy and a little overbearing, but he was saving her from it. He wasn't forcing her to meet her, he was making sure that everything was at her pace, he couldn't think of one thing he had done wrong when it came to his mom. He was trying his best, he really was.

After a pop quiz that he clearly failed due to his inability to actually think about anything beyond Meredith, he grabbed his stuff and went downstairs to the coffee shop, hoping Meredith would finally be ready to talk.

She was already there, staring straight ahead and wringing her hands, something obviously on her mind. "Hey," he greeted, bending over to give her a quick kiss.

"Hey," she sighed.

"How are classes going?" he asked, deciding it might be best to avoid grilling her again.

She shrugged. "Didn't go."

"What? Why didn't you go to classes?" Derek asked. "I swear you ran out of our place this morning to go to classes."

"I had other things to do," she sighed. "And I just didn't go. Why? Are you going to dump me because I didn't go to my classes?"

"No, Meredith, I'm not going to dump you. I'm just worried about you," Derek sighed.

"I'm fine," she rolled her eyes as she took a sip of her coffee.

"No you're not," Derek shook his head. "Can I expect you in my bed tonight?"

"Are you going to steal the blankets again?" she countered.

"I'll put some extra blankets on the bed if I have to, so we can both have a set," Derek offered.

She shrugged. "Whatever."

"Mer," Derek groaned. "I can't fix things if I don't know what the problem is."

"There isn't a problem," Meredith insisted. "It's nothing."

"So you're pulling away from me because everything is fine," Derek said, nodding slowly.

"I'm not pulling away!" Meredith exclaimed. "I just...you're...it's nothing, Derek. Maybe I'm having a bad day."

"Bad two days," Derek argued.

"Fine, bad two days," Meredith acknowledged. "If you hate it so much, I'll just spend the night at my dorm."

"I don't want you to spend the night at your dorm," Derek sighed. "Do you even remember where it is?"

She chewed on her bottom lip. "Okay, granted, it's been a few days since I was there."

"It has been," Derek smiled. "Because you can't sleep without me."

"That's...that's...ugh!" Meredith sighed, running her fingers through her hair and then stopping. "You've ruined me. I'm the girl who needs a guy to sleep with. I've even picked up your habits. You've completely ruined me!"

Derek chuckled softly. "For what it's worth, I'd be lost without you too."

"But, but," Meredith stammered. "But you..what..."

Derek gave her a confused look. "So no dorm tonight," he said slowly.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I shouldn't get too used to staying in your apartment all the time. What about summer and...well..summer..."

"You should move in with me," Derek suggested, shrugging slightly. "Once your dorm is done for the year, just officially move in."

"What?" Meredith stared at him.

"Move in with me," Derek smiled.

"Derek, I can't...you...what about...what about Mount Sinai?"

"Mount Sinai?" Derek asked, looking completely confused. "What about it?"

"That's where you're going in September," Meredith sighed. "And then I'll have to stay in the dorms."

"What the fuck gave you that idea?" Derek asked.

"I, I wasn't snooping," she sighed. "But I found the acceptance letter. And I thought...you...how...you're leaving."

"What?" Derek asked and then realization dawned in his eyes. "So that's what this has been about. You thought...oh Mer."

"What?" she asked, chewing on her bottom lip. "I really wasn't snoooping, Der. And I understand. It's one of the best med schools in the country..."

"Meredith, I'm not going anywhere," Derek sighed, reaching over and grabbing her hands to squeeze them tightly.

"You're...you're not?" she asked, trying to keep the hope out of her voice.

"No," Derek shook his head. "I'm staying at Darthmouth."

"But the letter..."

"I applied in junior year, before I knew you. Besides I couldn't just apply to one school. Mount Sinai was one of my backups," Derek shrugged.

"So you're staying?" she asked. "Here? Seriously? I mean...Mount Sinai is one of the best. And you were accepted. And I mean, I want you to stay but not...not because of me."

"I'm not staying because of you," Derek sighed. "Well maybe a little bit because of you. But I didn't really want to go to Mount Sinai, it's where my dad went..and just...I'm sure I don't want to go there. Dartmouth was my number one choice from the start."

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "Oh."

"Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you yell at me about being an ass or something?"

"Because," Meredith sighed. "I didn't want you to be pissed at me for snooping. And...I thought...you would have a good reason for not telling me. Or something. You didn't want me to know."

"I would have told you," Derek squeezed her hands. "If there had been something to tell, I would have told you."

"Oh," Meredith sighed. "Oh. O-kay."

"Mer, did you really think I could just walk away like that?" Derek asked, letting go of one hand to run his fingers through her hair.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I didn't...we never...we've never really talked about it. I wasn't even really thinking about it. And I didn't know. I know how important being a doctor is to you."

"It is, but you...you're my Meredith. I couldn't leave this," Derek sighed.

She nodded. "I'm sorry, Der."

"Don't be," Derek soothed. "I'd freak out if I thought you were moving."

"So you're staying," she nodded. "What about Markie?"

"I'm not sure what his plans are," Derek answered. "We'll have to find out, start making plans for next year."

"And you really want me to move in?" she sighed.

"I really want you to officially move in," Derek nodded.

"When?" she giggled a little. "I mean, I'm more or less moved in."

"Whenever you want," Derek shrugged. "It's not like it would be an actual change."

"True," she nodded and then scooted her chair close to him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I was a bitch, Der."

"It's okay," Derek sighed. "We probably should have talked about this a while ago."

"Anything else I need to know?" she giggled. "Anything else I'll find on my next pen search?"

"I think we're good," Derek laughed.

"Okay," she nodded and then kissed him. "I forgot to tell you this morning. Love you."

Derek smiled and pulled her close, kissing her again, harder. "Love you too. And maybe we should...talk. About our future."

"What about it?" she asked, pulling away slightly.

"I don't know. Just...you know...where we want to end up. Together," Derek answered.

"Oh," Meredith sighed. "Yeah."

"Way to sound enthusiastic about our life together," Derek laughed.

She giggled. "I've never done this before, Der. I mean, I can't even sleep without you so I figure it's obvious where this is going..."

"Yeah, it is," Derek nodded. "But still talking might be good, to avoid any Meredith freak outs in the future."

She giggled again, slapping his chest lightly. "Ass."

"I don't think you get to call me an ass," Derek pointed out. "I've had to put up with Meredith the bitch for the last two days."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine," she nodded. "So...where are we ending up?"

"Together," Derek shrugged. "Right now that's all I know."

_We have something like a miracle, yeah, and I'll stay with you._


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy we'd own Patrick Dempsey. And oh the things we could make him do. (insert Kate Walsh's finger thing here).**

Meredith stretched as she came awake slowly, elongating her muscles as she shivered a little. She wasn't cold. She just felt...well, Derek wasn't in bed. That was the only explanation. He wasn't in bed and she hated when she woke up alone. She curled into herself again and turned over , opening her eyes to find a long stemmed rose and a box of chocolates on her pillow, along with a note. Valentine's Day. Only Derek would have her wake up alone on Valentine's Day to wake up beside a box of chocolates and a rose. Somewhere along the line Derek had gotten the idea in his head that he needed to be the cheesiest boyfriend in the world today. It was going to be a very long day. She sighed as she opened the note, frowning. "Good morning, my beautiful valentine. You are amazing when you're asleep. Meet me in the kitchen for a Valentine's Day breakfast. Love you for all eternity. Der."

Love you for all eternity. Meredith rolled her eyes. Derek Shepherd was the only man in the world that could get away with saying things like that, and even he was pushing his luck. She was worried to find out exactly what he thought a Valentine's Day breakfast was. She rolled out of bed and pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers. She had once had her own clothes, had her own pajamas. But apparently they had gotten lost. She had a theory Mark was stealing them or something. She sighed and threw her hair back in a ponytail before going into the kitchen where Derek was whistling and Mark was frowning. "Morning," she grumbled, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"Morning Meredith!" Derek exclaimed smiling widely at her.

"Oh god," Mer groaned, rolling her eyes. "You're even worse than usual."

"You love it," Derek laughed.

"You're disgusting," Mark grimaced as he put his head down on the table.

"It's Valentine's Day and I'm in love. I'm allowed to be like this," Derek smiled.

"Mary isn't this way," Mark told the table.

"She silently is," Derek nodded.

Meredith frowned. "Definitely not," she shook her head. "Valentine's Day is stupid."

"It's not stupid," Derek pouted. "You woke up to chocolate in your bed. Nothing stupid about that.

"Chocolate is good," Meredith admitted. "But I love you for all enternity? C'mon, Der."

"It's true," Derek smiled.

"I am seizing," Mark groaned. "What the hell happened to the Shep I grew up with?"

"You mean he hasn't always been like this?" Meredith said hopefully. "Do you think we can still save him?

Mark shrugged, his head still on the table. "God, I hope so. Got a plan, Mary?"

"Sadly no, he seems to think I like the big cheesy idiot routine," Meredith sighed.

"You could always tie him up," Mark suggested and then lifted his head slowly off the table, frowning. "Never mind, Mary. He might like that."

"I'd definitely like that," Derek cut into the conversation as he placed a plate in front of Meredith.

"What the hell is this?" Meredith frowned as she stared at the pancakes on her plate. Or at least, they smelled like pancakes.

"Pancakes," Derek answered.

"Why the fuck do the fucking pancakes look like hearts?" Mark stared at them, looking like he was about to vomit.

"Because it's Valentine's Day," Derek shrugged.

"What are you?" Mark looked at his best friend. "A fifteen year old girl?"

"No, I am not," Derek groaned.

"Seriously, Der," Meredith shook her head, staring at her breakfast. "This is...sad."

"You don't like them?" he pouted.

"They're shaped like hearts," she sighed. "Which, by the way, the real human heart doesn't look like this. It looks like a huge bloody fist. So...hearts are...not like this. And this is, Der, you said no cheesiness."

"I lied," Derek laughed. "Come on Mer...the pure idea of Valentine's Day is cheesy. And as I'm your first boyfriend you missed out on a lot of cheese. You should live it up now."

"He's clearly stoned," Mark whispered to Meredith.

"Clearly," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I've often wondered if you hit him in the head at some point and caused permanent damage."

"There was that time in the Hamptons," Mark frowned. "Shep, you're sure the doctors said the concussion was mild?"

Derek groaned and rolled his eyes. "I love when you two gain up on me."

"Where are my pancakes, snookums?" Mark grinned.

"I don't like you," Derek complained.

"We've been together for twelve years," Mark whined. "Twelve years I've put up with your ass and I don't even get pancakes. Mary's been here for a month."

"Mer's better in bed," Derek laughed.

"I don't even want to know," Meredith shook her head as she finished her coffee. "You can have my pancakes, Mark. I have to get to class. Jackson's giving a pop quiz today like he does every Valentine's Day."

"You ready for it?" Derek asked, walking behind her and giving a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I hope so," Meredith sighed. "The last one killed me. He's a sadist, I'm telling you."

"You're doing great," Derek reassured her.

"Are we doing anything tonight?" she asked as she went back ino the bedroom to change.

"Of course," Derek smiled.

"Do I get to know what?"

"Nope," Derek shook his head. "I'd rather wait till tonight to hear you bitch about my cheesy plans."

"Well, here," Meredith sighed, holding out a wrapped gift. "Happy Singles--Valentine's Day."

"Seriously? You got me something?"

"I was going to wait until tomorrow," she sighed. "Because this is your birthday present too."

"Thanks," he smiled, ripping off the paper.

"It's supposed to be the most amazing thing a fan can own," she shrugged as she pulled on a pair of jeans. "Mark didn't think you had it already. And if you don't like it, it's fine."

Derek looked down the Clash CD in his hands. "It's perfect, Mer. I love it."

"It was...well...it was tough to find," she sighed, kissing him lightly on the lips. "And it's your birthday present too. So don't expect anything tomorrow at the party. Except maybe a quickie in the closet," she giggled.

"I'm okay with just getting a quicky in the closet," he kissed her quickly. "Love you, Mer."

"You too, Derek the Derek," she kissed him, a little deeper this time.

"And you loved the pancakes," Derek laughed.

"Whatever, dork," she rolled her eyes and pulled on her sweater. "I'll see you tonight."

"You will," Derek nodded.

"Okay then," she nodded. "Bye, dork."

"Bye Mer," Derek laughed.

Meredith ran to class, making it just in time for Dr. Jackson's Valentine's Day quiz. He called it a gift to the student population, something about making the candy taste a little bit better after being murdered by one his exams. Sadist. He was definitely a sadist. Meredith pulled out her pencil and went straight to work, chewing on her bottom lip as she stared at the questions. And she couldn't get the image of Derek smiling over his stupid hear-shaped pancakes out of her head. It was stupid. Derek was stupid. And yet...she couldn't actually bring herself to hate the pancakes, to hate the cheesiness. Because it made Derek smile like an idiot. And when he looked at her like that, smiled like that because of her, she felt good. Even if it was for lame reasons.

She heard the doors to the classroom open and wondered who would be stupid enough to come in late to Dr. Jackson's class. "Excuse me?" the professor stood. "What the hell is going on here?"

"I have a flower delivery for Meredith Grey," the person responded.

Oh. My. Dempsey. Meredith's head popped up at her name and she tried her hardest not to blush. She was going to kill Derek. Kill him. This was ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. "Ms. Grey?" Dr. Jackson turned to look at her, a frown on his face.

"Sorry," Meredith frowned. "My boyfriend's an idiot and he's stupid and kind of sweet but really...idiot."

"This better be the last interruption, Grey," Dr. Jackson nodded at the flower delivery guy.

"Yes, sir," Meredith nodded, hoping she was right and yet putting nothing past Derek.

She took the flowers and opened the card quickly, groaning. "You make all others pale in comparison." She stared at the eleven white roses with the red rose in the middle. Lame. Her boyfriend was cheesy and lame. And definitely getting his ass kicked tonight.

She turned back to her test, seriously reconsidering the quickie in the closet she had promised him for tomorrow night at his part. Actually seriously reconsidering the relationship, the entire thing. Because he was cheesy and lame, which she probably should have expected. The day planner should have been a dead give away. She wondered momentarily if the motorcycle accident had done more damage than the doctors had told them about, wondering if maybe Derek's helmet hadn't been on right or something. Because this, this was bad. The way the girls were staring at her was embarrassing and stupid. And she hated him. She couldn't imagine hating him more.

He was probably sitting at home, all smug and proud of himself, thinking that she was about to fall at his feet. The only one falling would be him, after she kicked his ass. Because this was too much, far too much. And then there was another knock on the classroom door.

"Yes!" Dr. Jackson barked.

"Do you have a Meredith Grey in your class?"

"Yes," Dr. Jackson growled, turning to stare at her. Shit.

"Sorry, sir," Meredith squeaked. Derek Shepherd better be writing his will. And leaving everything to her.

"I have a singing telegram for her," the guy said, looking right at Meredith. "It will only take a moment."

"A...sing...he's dead," Meredith groaned.

The man cleared his throat and began singing, "L is for the way you look at me, O, is for the only one I see, V, is very very extraordinary, E is for even more than anyone that you adore..."

Oh Dempsey, this was bad. Very bad on so many levels. She was supposed to be writing a test, not being serenaded by some idiot that Derek hired to sing for her. What had possessed him? Because this was bad, even for Derek this was bad. Dr. Jackson was staring at her with so much disgust in her eyes she was sure she was now officially failing the class. Any chance she had for ever passing the class was gone. She was going to kill him. She had to end it. She had to break up with him. There was no way she could continue the relationship. None at all.

There was cute, interesting cheesy that admittedly made her love him more. This was not it. There was a man in front of her very large class singing to her while she was supposed to be writing a test. Nothing remotely romantic about it.

"Love was made for me and you," the man finished crooning finally, a grin on his face. "And the message was, Love you, Meredith. Thank you for coming into my life. Happy Valentine's Day."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Sorry sir, I swear that has to be the last one."

"Let's hope so, Grey," he nodded and then turned to the girls who were all awwing and making adorable faces about her boyfriend's stupidity. "Back to work!" Meredith figured she should probably get the names and numbers for those girls. That way when she ended things with him he could call someone up that would appreciate cheesy messages and singing telegrams. She finished the test and then listened to the lecture, trying her hardest to take notes. She hated him. She couldn't believe he had done this. Didn't he know her at all? What the hell was the matter with him? Dr. Jackson finished lecturing 10 minutes late and Meredith stood up to leave, her cell already in her hands to break up with him.

"Ms. Grey?" Dr. Jackson stopped her.

"Yes, sir?" she sighed, turning to look at the professor. Her sadistic professor.

"Since your little interruptions put us behind schedule I'd like you to do a little extra work for me," he said.

"W-what?" she stammered. Derek was above and beyond dead. He was dirt nap dead. No more him dead.

"Nothing major. Just do the questions at the end of the chapter. Including the essay one," he shrugged.

"Oh," she sighed. Dead. He was...Mark would help her. Mark would help her kill him. "When would you like it by sir?"

"Next class," he answered.

Friday. He wanted fifteen questions and an essay by Friday. Derek was going to be murdered before he ever got the chance to turn twenty-three. "Yes, sir," she whispered.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Ms, Grey," he said, smiling a little evil grin. At least that's how it look.

"You too, sir," she nodded and then walked out of the room, dialing her boyfriend's number. She had two hours before her next class. She could kill him and bury the body by then.

"How was the test?" he asked upon picking up, obviously seeing her number on his call display.

"You better have a will, Derek Michael Shepherd," she hissed.

"What? Why?" Derek asked.

"Flowers?" she growled. "A singing telegram. He was ready to kill me, Derek."

"Oh shit..." Derek sighed. "Sorry, Meredith."

"You have exactly ten minutes to prepare a will," she snapped. "No, actually, you're doing the extra homework he gave me. Including the essay. And then I'm killing you."

"He gave you homework?" Derek groaned.

"Yes he gave me homework," she confirmed, angrily. "Fifteen questions and an essay. You are so doing it, Derek. And then you're dead."

"I'll do it, but I'd rather not be killed."

"It's either killed or being dumped on Valentine's Day."

"Mer...I'm sorry, I really am," Derek sighed. "I just, this is your first real Valentine's Day. I wanted it to be perfect."

"It's cheesy, Der," she groaned. "It's not even cheesy...it's...it's bad. It's really bad. Girls were staring at me, Derek."

"I know it's cheesy," Derek said and Meredith could see the smile on his face over the phone. "I want you to giggle and call me an idiot. I love when you giggle."

"Well, yeah you're an idiot," Meredith sighed into the phone. "That's it for today, right? A guy in a puppy dog suit isn't going to show up in my Chemistry class?"

"That's it for embarrassing over the top public displays of affection," Derek assured her.

"Good," she sighed. "I'll see you tonight, I guess. Your last meal."

"Mer...you could just try to enjoy it."

"Enjoy it?" she frowned. "Enjoy what? The looks the girls are giving me? The fact that my professor has now decided to fail me?"

"The fact that you have a man completely totally in love with you,'" Derek said.

"Derek, being McDreamy isn't going to save your life," she sighed.

"What about a home cooked meal that we can eat while watching some Patrick Dempsey movie?" he suggested.

"Really?" she grinned. "A Paddy marathon?"

"I think I owe it to you," Derek sighed.

"And strawberry ice cream."

"Strawberry ice cream," Derek agreed. "Has my life been saved?"

"I suppose," she sighed. "You're lucky I love you, Shepherd."

"Damn right I am," Derek laughed. "Love you too, Grey."

"See you tonight, dork."

"Bye," Derek sighed.

Meredith hung up and sighed, staring at the dozen roses in her hands, wondering what the hell to do with them until tonight.

_Have I Told You Lately that I love you?  
Have I told you there's no one else above you?  
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,  
Ease my troubles, that's what you do._


	31. Chapter 31

Meredith sighed as she walked towards the apartment. Today had been hellishly long. Having random strangers come up and ask you about your boyfriend would do that to you. And apparently talk of Derek's cheesiness had spread, girls everywhere were telling her how lucky she was. Lucky wasn't the word she would use to describe it, but at least she was getting a Patrick Dempsey marathon out of the deal.

Mark's car was gone, which she wasn't sure if that was a good thing. Usually, she loved a night alone with Derek without Mark hanging around. And maybe it would be okay. It was dinner and a Paddy marathon. It couldn't be cheesy. There was no way he could make it cheesy.

Derek would be back to being normal Derek, he'd have dinner waiting for her and would let her kick up her feet and watch her movies, she might even be able to get a massage out of him. Tonight would definitely not be cheesy.

She unlocked the door to the apartment and stopped in her tracks. Oh. my. Dempsey. There were rose petals on the floor, and candles. Candles everywhere. He was going to burn the apartment down. "Derek?" she called out, refusing to walk any further than the door way.

"In the kitchen," he yelled back.

"What the hell is going on?" she called, staring at the apartment that had once been messy and strewn with leather jackets and dirty clothes. Mark and Derek were messy. And Mark wasn't here. For the first time ever, she needed Mark to be around.

"It's called Valentine's Day, Mer," Derek smiled as he entered the candlelit room.

"You said no more cheesy," she sighed, staring at him in his black dress pants and red shirt.

"I said no more over the top public displays of affection," Derek argued.

"This is," she frowned. "Derek, pjs. Pjs and pizza and Paddy. The three perfect P's. Why can't we do that?"

"We do that every night," Derek shrugged.

She still stood in the door, disgust on her face. "This is...I can't...Derek. This isn't us. Or me. Or whatever. This is too much. It's completely crazy. Are you trying to get me to dump you?'

"No," Derek sighed walking towards her and grabbing her hands. "You've never had a Valentine's Day."

"Which is fine," she sighed. "Seriously, Derek. I hated this shit when I was in high school. The girls who got the flowers and the stuffed animals. That's...Derek...that's not love."

"I know it's not," Derek smiled. "And I know this is the kind of stuff you hate. But every girl deserves to have some cheesiness on Valentine's Day. It's just...it's how it works. And you never got it."

"There are rose petals," she pointed out. "And candles. Mark is going to die."

"Mark is out for the night and it will be cleaned before he gets back," Derek explained.

She sighed. "Pjs? Can I at least be in my pajamas?"

"The sexy ones?" Derek asked with a raised eyebrow.

She giggled. "The black or the red?"

"Red," Derek nodded.

She nodded. "All right. Red pajamas...maybe with no panties." She leaned forward to kiss him, her hands reaching down to squeeze his ass.

"Hmm," he moaned softly. "Definitely no panties."

She pulled away as she felt his erection against her thigh and smiled, moving finally into the apartment, shutting the door behind her. "I think we should put your flowers somewhere," she suggested as she took off her top and then started to take off her jeans.

"Cheesy makes you horny?" he laughed.

"No," she shook her head, standing in a matching set of see through lacy bra and panties. "You make me horny."

"So I'm not getting dumped tonight?" Derek said, kissing her hard.

"Hmmm," she giggled. "That's still up in the air."

"Oh really? Anything I could to persuade you to give me another shot?" he asked, gently kissing her neck.

"Dinner," she breathed. "Strawberry ice cream. And Paddy. Oh, and if you're really good, maybe some sex, she reached down between them to lightly stroke his erection through his pants.

"Oh there will be sex," Derek growled. "I always get sex after you get Paddy."

She giggled as she pulled away. "We could always eat naked you know," she suggested, her hands moving behind her to unclasp her bra.

Derek laughed. "And how much eating would get done?"

"That's true," her hands dropped from her back. "I'll get into my pajamas."

"Don't worry," Derek kissed her quickly. "You'll be out of them before long."

"You're so porny," she giggled. "What are we having for dinner? And if any of it shaped like hearts..."

"Fettuccini Alfredo, with chicken," Derek responded.

"Sounds good," she called from the bedroom. "Which Paddy movie should we watch first? I know you've seen them all millions of times...but well...we could go in order of his career..."

"Whatever you want, Mer," Derek sighed.

"You know you love Paddy," she giggled as she came into the room, wearing a red silky pajama top, that she had conveniently left unbuttoned. She had apparently forgotten the bottoms, and she stood in front of Derek, a smile on her face. "Paddy gets you sex."

"Considering the amount of clothing I have on and the amount of clothing you have on, I'd have to assume I'm not the one in this room that wants sex," he smiled.

"I could go put more on," she shrugged.

"I wasn't complaining," he said, pulling her close and kissing her hard.

She smiled against his kiss. "And I have to say," she murmured, pulling back slightly. "I think you're the one who wants sex." Her fingers again stroked his erection as she pulled away, going towards the couch, where a very large teddy bear was sitting. Actually, very large was an understatement. It had to be about the same size as her. "Derek..."

"Yes?" he asked, trying to fake innocence.

"What...who...what is this?" she asked, a frown on her face.

"That's a teddy bear," Derek nodded.

"It's a little big, don't you think?" she stared at him.

"That's kind of the point," he laughed.

"But...why?"

"We've been over this Mer," Derek sighed. "Valentine's Day, cheesy, trying to make up for the lack of non-cheesiness in your life before me."

"He's bigger than me, Derek," Meredith sighed, not turning to look at the bear. "It. It's bigger than me."

"Well you're tiny," he shrugged.

She sighed and sat down next to the teddy bear, staring at it. "Derek, you've spent too much. I don't need all this."

"I didn't spend too much," Derek argued. "Besides your real gift is under the bear."

"My real gift?" she stared at him. "Derek...what are you talking about?"

"Your real gift," Derek answered. "The thing I got you for Valentine's Day that you'll actually love."

She rolled her eyes and lifted the bear up, squealing and jumping up as she held the DVD in her hands. "Derek!" she giggled as she clutched it to her chest. "It's...it's Paddy porn!"

"It's what?"

"Life in the Fast Lane," she giggled. "Paddy wears leather and he...he licks scissors. And screws a girl in a church. It's Paddy porn!"

Derek groaned, but still he smiled at her. "So you like it?"

"You're the best boyfriend ever!" she giggled as she kissed him, hard.

"I know," Derek laughed holding her close. "Though I didn't mean to get you Paddy porn. What kind of guy screws a girl in a church?"

"A hot devil," she giggled. "And it's on my list, you know."

"What list?"

"Of places to have sex before I die," she answered as she stared at the DVD.

"We're not having sex in a church."

"Why not?" she giggled.

"I grew up in a good Catholic family, it's against...everything. We'd go straight to hell," Derek argued.

"Hmm, I think we're already on the express train, Derek," she rolled her eyes.

"Express train?" he asked.

"The express train to hell," she replied and then giggled. "Paddy movie reference."

"Of course," Derek rolled his eyes.

"I'm putting it on right now," she giggled as she went over to the DVD player. "Get dinner."

"We're not eating dinner in front of Paddy porn," he groaned.

"You said dinner while watching a Paddy marathon," she pouted.

"I did," Derek nodded. "But couldn't it be something cool like Scream 3?"

She rolled her eyes. "Scream 3, seriously? We watched that last night. And you can't expect me to skip out on Paddy porn."

"I don't want to watch that man in leather when I'm trying to eat," he pouted

"But Derek," she pouted a little more, coming over to him and pushing her nearly naked body against his fully clothed one. "Please...please...please."

"You are an evil and cruel woman," Derek sighed.

"And because of you I'm failing Jackson's class," she reminded him. "You owe me."

"I told you I'd do the homework," Derek pointed out.

"Derek, mortal embarrassment," she sighed. "Girls want to date you now. They really do. I actually gave out your number, I think."

"What?' Derek asked confused.

"The news of your cheesiness spread," Meredith explained, pulling away and sitting on the couch. "Girls think you're the best boyfriend ever. Frankly, I think they're all on drugs."

"Really? Minutes ago you were shouting the same thing," Derek laughed.

"Because who else buys their girlfriends Paddy porn?" she giggled. "But you're still in trouble for the singing and the flowers. And the singing. Seriously, Der?"

Derek laughed again. "It was supposed to be cheesy."

"It was...bad," she shook her head. "So bad. We're watching Paddy porn and you're bringing dinner and strawberry ice cream. Or I'll go sleep at my dorm."

"Fine, Paddy porn it is," Derek sighed.

She clapped her hands excitedly and curled up next to the huge teddy bear, resting her head on it's soft shoulder and reached for the remote, pressing play the minute Derek came in with their food. "You are the best," she sighed as she took her first bite of food, keeping her eyes glued to the screen.

"Apparently," Derek groaned. "Spending my night with my girlfriend and the love of her life."

"You love Paddy," she rolled her eyes. "He gets you lots of sex."

"I like the sex, I don't like the man," Derek argued.

"How could you not like him?" Meredith asked. "He looks exactly like you!"

"He looks nothing like me," Derek pouted.

"You're such a baby," she said, hitting his arm with her elbow. "Now shut up. It's Paddy porn time."

Derek rolled his eyes. "It's sad that you need another man to turn you on. Dr. Phil would have a field day with us."

"Dr. Phil's an ass," she sighed and then turned to kiss him. "And you turn me on just fine.â€

"Than why do you need Paddy porn? I look like him and I'm great for porn," he argued.

"Jealous?" she murmured as she put her plate down and ran her fingers through his curls, trailing kisses down his jawline.

"I don't get jealous."

"It's hot," she breathed in his ear and put his plate down before straddling him

"Am I getting sex?" he asked.

She took off the pajama top and undid the clasp to her bra before reaching down to unbutton his shirt. "I don't know, Mr. Shepherd," she breathed. "It's up to you."

"Oh definitely sex," Derek groaned, pushing her bra to the side and gently playing with her nipples. "But no calling me by the wrong name."

"I've never done that!" she half laughed, half moaned.

"But yet I always worry you will," Derek replied, pulling her down to him, as he began to gently suck at one nipple.

"Der," she breathed at the sensation, her hands tangling themselves in his hair as she moaned.

"God," he moaned as she gently rode her hips against him, and he took her nipped further into his mouth.

"Oh," she sighed as she quickly took her hands away from his hair and moved back a little, undoing his pants quickly.

"I need you," he growled as she pulled his pants down her legs. "Now."

She nodded as she pushed her panties aside, not bothering to take them off as his fingers delved into her, feeling her wetness. She moaned as she leaned down to kiss him once more and then his fingers fell away as she guided herself onto his erection, moving passionately against him, moans escaping from her mouth. "Der..."

"Meredith," he groaned, as she rocked against him, her pace picking up slighty on every thrust. "Meredith.."

He gripped her hips as she moved faster, the orgasm building in him as she bit her bottom lip. "Derek. God. Oh god. Derek."

"Mer...fuck, Mer," he grunted as her body shuddered and tightened around him. The tightening pushed him over the edge, his orgasm following soon after her.

She pulled herself off of him and fell down next to him, her breathing quick and shallow. "Der," she giggled as she kissed.

"Yes?" he whispered.

"I think I like Valentine's Day," she giggled.

Derek laughed holding her close. "I thought you would."

She nodded as she rested her head against his chest. "Paddy porn now?" she said after a moment.

"Fine, Paddy porn," he sighed. "But more Meredith and Derek porn later."

"Definitely," she nodded and then kissed him. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"You too," he whispered. "I love you."

"Love you too," she murmured as she held him tightly, her eyes on the screen as he sighed and pressed play.

_I've been waiting such a long time  
For a love that's real to come my way  
Gonna take some getting used to  
Now that love is here to stay_


End file.
